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Mother sleeping in 3 1/2 year olds bed nightly and she is married
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An_252085 posted:
My daughter has been sleeping with her son every night since he was 18 months old. She is married and does not sleep in their room. She bought a queen size mattress for her sons room and sleeps with him nightly. She tells him she is not sleeping with him if he acts bad. What guidance can I , her mother , give her?
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lenono97 responded:
Unfortunatley, unless she is asking you for guidance, I really don't think you can give her any. A lot of parents co-sleep. Personally, I don't agree with it. You may want to google search it to learn more. Perhaps sit down and just ask her about it. I wonder what her marriage is like if she isn't shareing a bed with her husband?
 
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cjpxx responded:
I agree - that it will be very difficult for you to win a positive response from trying to help her because you are her mother, she is married now, and there's a cut off.

After age 25, and sometimes earlier (18-30), kids will not respond well to being told what to do. They are going to do whatever they are going to do.

HOWEVER - This is weird! At some point, a person's going to have to get over somebody meddling, and realize that you are her mother, and you are free to express your opinion however you damn well want to, and if she wanted to not have your opinion, maybe she shouldn't have told you!

Be careful! You don't want to shut the door to her telling you things - or at least not for more than a week or two or maybe more than a month. I would say, do whatever you have to do, and be willing for it to be a wedge between you and your daughter - for the sake of her son - and consider how big of a wedge you are willing to put in between you and her as you go along with communicating to her... but go right ahead! It's meddling. It's telling her what to do! And guess what - too bad! If she wasn't doing something weird, then maybe you wouldn't meddle.

He is getting too old for that. Plus - like lenono97 - what is going on with the marriage? you may or may not want to even go there.... but certainly, it doesn't help the marriage. A man with his wife and a woman to her husband. God first. Spouse second. Kids third. Seriously. The boy can crawl into bed with mom and dad - but for mom to sleep with the boy - that's going to give him some kind of psychological complex later on. It needs to stop. She has to sleep with her husband. Her boy has to see her sleeping with her husband. And if he has to crawl in bed with them every night for a while - the husband is going to have to get over it.

Maybe this is to help the boy sleep. Maybe the husband doesn't agree with it, and that's why he's not crawling into bed with both of them. Maybe the husband is being a jerk about it - and wanting his sleep? or maybe she is putting her kid above her husband?

This may be something you don't want to tough without both of them there! Be careful not to get into relationship counseling without both of them present. There are always two sides to every story. And be careful to avoid that subject all together - because they can go get a counselor. Say as little as possible regarding their marriage - I think. Just recommend them talking with a counselor anytime you want to ring their necks for something... but certainly you have every right to say, "Uh... this is weird... and you can be mad at me... but it needs to stop. A three year old kid needs to sleep by himself, and certainly see his parents sleeping together every night, because he will remember when it gets older. He's way too old for this to continue any longer."


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