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What to do...
solost123 posted:
I know this issue has probably been discussed numerous times, but I need some advice from moms who have been through this, or are going through this.
I have a 2 year old son. His father and I have been together over 6 years. It's been a very rocky 6 years, as most relationships are. Ever since my son was 3 or 4 months old, I've been back and forth due to constant fighting. When he was a little older than one, I moved out, got my own place, and tried to move on. I was so much happier without the constant fighting and anger. Being that I had never been in this situation before, I thought it would be best to keep a "good relationship" between his father and I for his sake. Bad idea. That made things worse, and more confusing with us. After 6 or 7 months of being on my own, I decided to move back. Things were okay when I first moved back, but they're slowly going back to the way they were.
It's not only that we fight. He will kick me out of the house whenever he feels like it, he's mean, he's sneaky, he's secretive...and most of all, I most certainly am not in love with him. I thought that I could suck it up and deal with it for our son, and I have for the past year or so, but I can't do it anymore. I think everyone deserves to be happy, and although my sons happiness is most important to me, I think it's time to be a little selfish and think about myself, too.
I'm not asking for advice on what to do, because I know I don't belong here. I know I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. There's issues with his family and I..I mean you name it. I'm just asking mommies who have been through this, how they deal about their children eventually being around another woman, once the father moves on. Even thinking about that TERRIFIES me. I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with it, but that has been one of the main reasons why I haven't left for good. He is the most important thing in my life, and not knowing where he is, who he's with, and what he's doing when he's not with me, is going to be so difficult for me. How do you/have you been able to handle this?
I have a 2 year old son. His father and I have been together over 6 years. It's been a very rocky 6 years, as most relationships are. Ever since my son was 3 or 4 months old, I've been back and forth due to constant fighting. When he was a little older than one, I moved out, got my own place, and tried to move on. I was so much happier without the constant fighting and anger. Being that I had never been in this situation before, I thought it would be best to keep a "good relationship" between his father and I for his sake. Bad idea. That made things worse, and more confusing with us. After 6 or 7 months of being on my own, I decided to move back. Things were okay when I first moved back, but they're slowly going back to the way they were.
It's not only that we fight. He will kick me out of the house whenever he feels like it, he's mean, he's sneaky, he's secretive...and most of all, I most certainly am not in love with him. I thought that I could suck it up and deal with it for our son, and I have for the past year or so, but I can't do it anymore. I think everyone deserves to be happy, and although my sons happiness is most important to me, I think it's time to be a little selfish and think about myself, too.
I'm not asking for advice on what to do, because I know I don't belong here. I know I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. There's issues with his family and I..I mean you name it. I'm just asking mommies who have been through this, how they deal about their children eventually being around another woman, once the father moves on. Even thinking about that TERRIFIES me. I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with it, but that has been one of the main reasons why I haven't left for good. He is the most important thing in my life, and not knowing where he is, who he's with, and what he's doing when he's not with me, is going to be so difficult for me. How do you/have you been able to handle this?
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:What to do...I know this issue has probably been discussed numerous times, but I need some advice from moms who have been through this, or are going through this.<br />I have a 2 year old son. His father and I have been together over 6 years. It's been a very rocky 6 years, as most relationships are. Ever since my son was 3 or 4 months old, I've been back and forth due to constant fighting. When he was a little older than one, I moved out, got my own place, and tried to move on. I was so much happier without the constant fighting and anger. Being that I had never been in this situation before, I thought it would be best to keep a "good relationship" between his father and I for his sake. Bad idea. That made things worse, and more confusing with us. After 6 or 7 months of being on my own, I decided to move back. Things were okay when I first moved back, but they're slowly going back to the way they were.<br /><br />It's not only that we fight. He will kick me out of the house whenever he feels like it, he's mean, he's sneaky, he's secretive...and most of all, I most certainly am not in love with him. I thought that I could suck it up and deal with it for our son, and I have for the past year or so, but I can't do it anymore. I think everyone deserves to be happy, and although my sons happiness is most important to me, I think it's time to be a little selfish and think about myself, too.<br /><br />I'm not asking for advice on what to do, because I know I don't belong here. I know I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. There's issues with his family and I..I mean you name it. I'm just asking mommies who have been through this, how they deal about their children eventually being around another woman, once the father moves on. Even thinking about that TERRIFIES me. I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with it, but that has been one of the main reasons why I haven't left for good. He is the most important thing in my life, and not knowing where he is, who he's with, and what he's doing when he's not with me, is going to be so difficult for me. How do you/have you been able to handle this?
Lainey_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi solost123,
I am sorry things are not going well with you and significant other. I am a step parent and my biological son visits his father who remarried. It is terrifying at first. Your son is old enough to tell you if something is wrong. Your goal now should be to make sure the new woman will take good care of your son. I have been in my stepchild's life since he was 5 months old. We have a great loving relationship but that was what we both decided to have. I help my stepson in dealing with the problems that sometimes go on with two family homes. My biological son doesn't have a close relationship with his step mom but again, by choice. If your wish is to truly help your son, give him and the other woman time to decide. Speaking to the father and making an agreement to not introduce anyone that isn't a serious possible will keep the confusion down. Please keep us updated.
I am sorry things are not going well with you and significant other. I am a step parent and my biological son visits his father who remarried. It is terrifying at first. Your son is old enough to tell you if something is wrong. Your goal now should be to make sure the new woman will take good care of your son. I have been in my stepchild's life since he was 5 months old. We have a great loving relationship but that was what we both decided to have. I help my stepson in dealing with the problems that sometimes go on with two family homes. My biological son doesn't have a close relationship with his step mom but again, by choice. If your wish is to truly help your son, give him and the other woman time to decide. Speaking to the father and making an agreement to not introduce anyone that isn't a serious possible will keep the confusion down. Please keep us updated.
Report This| Share this:What to do...Hi solost123,<br /> <br /> I am sorry things are not going well with you and significant other. I am a step parent and my biological son visits his father who remarried. It is terrifying at first. Your son is old enough to tell you if something is wrong. Your goal now should be to make sure the new woman will take good care of your son. I have been in my stepchild's life since he was 5 months old. We have a great loving relationship but that was what we both decided to have. I help my stepson in dealing with the problems that sometimes go on with two family homes. My biological son doesn't have a close relationship with his step mom but again, by choice. If your wish is to truly help your son, give him and the other woman time to decide. Speaking to the father and making an agreement to not introduce anyone that isn't a serious possible will keep the confusion down. Please keep us updated.
kristinmarie722 responded:
I am going through the same exact thing right now. The best thing to do is to keep strong, remember why you are doing this and think of how much this will benefit you and your DC in the long run.
(((HUGS))) and good luck!
(((HUGS))) and good luck!
Report This| Share this:What to do...I am going through the same exact thing right now. The best thing to do is to keep strong, remember why you are doing this and think of how much this will benefit you and your DC in the long run. <br /> <br />(((HUGS))) and good luck!
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