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10 year old friend question
An_221777 posted:
Ok, bare with me...
My daughter has been friends since first grade with a girl from school. They hang out at recess together, along with another girl, they sit together at lunch, and even ride the bus home together. It seems they are "best friends"... and they live on our street. Now they are starting 5th grade together. Sounds like a great friendship, huh? I used to think so.
This summer, this girl, we will call her Jasmine, had her birthday party (their birthdays are a month apart) and my daughter wasn't invited (again). My daughter was invited in the first grade but never again. My daughter has invited Jasmine every year to her birthday party and she came last year but once again, this summer Jasmine had a big party and my daughter wasn't invited. Our next door neighbor's daughter was though... so that's how my daughter found out about it. Now it's time for my daughter's birthday party (she's inviting 5 girls) and we've decided to not invite this girl. Now, Jasmine asked my daughter why she wasn't invited and my daughter told her because she never invites my daughter to her party. I'm just so tired of this!!! I'm tired of my daughter being so crushed each year she finds out this child had another party and didn't invite her AGAIN. Jasmine says that her parents don't want my daughter spending the night at the sleepover. Ok... then why not just invite her and then have us pick her up when the "party" is over? I just don't know what to do about this. It seems so unfair for my daughter to constantly invite Jasmine when Jasmine can't invite her to her party. I'm getting so annoyed with this girl's parents. It's not the girl, it's the girls parents. I know I should probably invite her anyway but how many times before Jasmine's parents get a clue that they are being rude? Three years this has happened... She also has an older brother who says my daughter is weird.... nice of Jasmine to tell my daughter this.... am I being petty to let this get under my skin so much? What lesson do I need to teach my daughter?? Turn the other cheek time and time and time again? I think I need to teach her to draw a line in the sand and stick to her plan of not inviting her even though she really wants to... I'm not sure what to do.
My daughter has been friends since first grade with a girl from school. They hang out at recess together, along with another girl, they sit together at lunch, and even ride the bus home together. It seems they are "best friends"... and they live on our street. Now they are starting 5th grade together. Sounds like a great friendship, huh? I used to think so.
This summer, this girl, we will call her Jasmine, had her birthday party (their birthdays are a month apart) and my daughter wasn't invited (again). My daughter was invited in the first grade but never again. My daughter has invited Jasmine every year to her birthday party and she came last year but once again, this summer Jasmine had a big party and my daughter wasn't invited. Our next door neighbor's daughter was though... so that's how my daughter found out about it. Now it's time for my daughter's birthday party (she's inviting 5 girls) and we've decided to not invite this girl. Now, Jasmine asked my daughter why she wasn't invited and my daughter told her because she never invites my daughter to her party. I'm just so tired of this!!! I'm tired of my daughter being so crushed each year she finds out this child had another party and didn't invite her AGAIN. Jasmine says that her parents don't want my daughter spending the night at the sleepover. Ok... then why not just invite her and then have us pick her up when the "party" is over? I just don't know what to do about this. It seems so unfair for my daughter to constantly invite Jasmine when Jasmine can't invite her to her party. I'm getting so annoyed with this girl's parents. It's not the girl, it's the girls parents. I know I should probably invite her anyway but how many times before Jasmine's parents get a clue that they are being rude? Three years this has happened... She also has an older brother who says my daughter is weird.... nice of Jasmine to tell my daughter this.... am I being petty to let this get under my skin so much? What lesson do I need to teach my daughter?? Turn the other cheek time and time and time again? I think I need to teach her to draw a line in the sand and stick to her plan of not inviting her even though she really wants to... I'm not sure what to do.
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:10 year old friend questionOk, bare with me... <br /><br />My daughter has been friends since first grade with a girl from school. They hang out at recess together, along with another girl, they sit together at lunch, and even ride the bus home together. It seems they are "best friends"... and they live on our street. Now they are starting 5th grade together. Sounds like a great friendship, huh? I used to think so. <br /><br />This summer, this girl, we will call her Jasmine, had her birthday party (their birthdays are a month apart) and my daughter wasn't invited (again). My daughter was invited in the first grade but never again. My daughter has invited Jasmine every year to her birthday party and she came last year but once again, this summer Jasmine had a big party and my daughter wasn't invited. Our next door neighbor's daughter was though... so that's how my daughter found out about it. Now it's time for my daughter's birthday party (she's inviting 5 girls) and we've decided to not invite this girl. Now, Jasmine asked my daughter why she wasn't invited and my daughter told her because she never invites my daughter to her party. I'm just so tired of this!!! I'm tired of my daughter being so crushed each year she finds out this child had another party and didn't invite her AGAIN. Jasmine says that her parents don't want my daughter spending the night at the sleepover. Ok... then why not just invite her and then have us pick her up when the "party" is over? I just don't know what to do about this. It seems so unfair for my daughter to constantly invite Jasmine when Jasmine can't invite her to her party. I'm getting so annoyed with this girl's parents. It's not the girl, it's the girls parents. I know I should probably invite her anyway but how many times before Jasmine's parents get a clue that they are being rude? Three years this has happened... She also has an older brother who says my daughter is weird.... nice of Jasmine to tell my daughter this.... am I being petty to let this get under my skin so much? What lesson do I need to teach my daughter?? Turn the other cheek time and time and time again? I think I need to teach her to draw a line in the sand and stick to her plan of not inviting her even though she really wants to... I'm not sure what to do.
Lainey_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Anon_67866,
All parents will instinctively want to protect their child from the world. How does your daughter feel about this and what would she like to do?
All parents will instinctively want to protect their child from the world. How does your daughter feel about this and what would she like to do?
Report This| Share this:10 year old friend questionHi Anon_67866,<br /><br />All parents will instinctively want to protect their child from the world. How does your daughter feel about this and what would she like to do?
An_221778 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
Well she is hurt from not being invited three years in a row. It didn't so much matter the first time but now she's 10 yrs old and it's making sense. Last year she was hurt but we talked about it and decided the bigger thing to do would be to invite her anyway... which we did and she came... well I had to pick her up for the party but she nonetheless came. I kinda thought we broke through this odd barrier that was going on but once again, she's the only one left out of all their friends. I don't get it. I think she would LOVE to have her friend come but after being left out again she's rightfully hurt. She hopes she's wrong about this friend not liking her... Jasmine is being friendly at school too. But what is the right thing to do? Would adults keep inviting someone if they were intentionally left out? This is intentional not, "oops, I forgot to include you, I'm so sorry!"
The first year it happened we actually brought over a little gift for Jasmine anyway b/c my daughter remembered her birthday (it's one day after her cousin's) and she thought Jasmine might not have had a party but wanted to wish her happy birthday anyway. The second year it happened her friend tried to say she had a birthday party on the same day as my daughter's (a month apart)... my daughter sorta thought it might be true (but I didn't since their birthdays are one month apart). This year she was just hurt.
The first year it happened we actually brought over a little gift for Jasmine anyway b/c my daughter remembered her birthday (it's one day after her cousin's) and she thought Jasmine might not have had a party but wanted to wish her happy birthday anyway. The second year it happened her friend tried to say she had a birthday party on the same day as my daughter's (a month apart)... my daughter sorta thought it might be true (but I didn't since their birthdays are one month apart). This year she was just hurt.
Report This| Share this:10 year old friend questionWell she is hurt from not being invited three years in a row. It didn't so much matter the first time but now she's 10 yrs old and it's making sense. Last year she was hurt but we talked about it and decided the bigger thing to do would be to invite her anyway... which we did and she came... well I had to pick her up for the party but she nonetheless came. I kinda thought we broke through this odd barrier that was going on but once again, she's the only one left out of all their friends. I don't get it. I think she would LOVE to have her friend come but after being left out again she's rightfully hurt. She hopes she's wrong about this friend not liking her... Jasmine is being friendly at school too. But what is the right thing to do? Would adults keep inviting someone if they were intentionally left out? This is intentional not, "oops, I forgot to include you, I'm so sorry!" <br /><br /> The first year it happened we actually brought over a little gift for Jasmine anyway b/c my daughter remembered her birthday (it's one day after her cousin's) and she thought Jasmine might not have had a party but wanted to wish her happy birthday anyway. The second year it happened her friend tried to say she had a birthday party on the same day as my daughter's (a month apart)... my daughter sorta thought it might be true (but I didn't since their birthdays are one month apart). This year she was just hurt.
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