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parent frustration
Anon_233411 posted:
is anyone else soo frustrated with an adult child that won't grow up?
I have 26 year old daughter that has been giving me problems since she was 16 years old. Started when she met some guy and she would run away from home to be with him, things progressed, she wouldn't go to school , legal problems drugs ete etc etc. Now I have a 26 year old that can't accept responsiblilty. Anyone else frustrated?
I have 26 year old daughter that has been giving me problems since she was 16 years old. Started when she met some guy and she would run away from home to be with him, things progressed, she wouldn't go to school , legal problems drugs ete etc etc. Now I have a 26 year old that can't accept responsiblilty. Anyone else frustrated?
10 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:parent frustrationis anyone else soo frustrated with an adult child that won't grow up?<br />I have 26 year old daughter that has been giving me problems since she was 16 years old. Started when she met some guy and she would run away from home to be with him, things progressed, she wouldn't go to school , legal problems drugs ete etc etc. Now I have a 26 year old that can't accept responsiblilty. Anyone else frustrated?
summer_is_here responded:
Yes that would be frustrating.
mrsjmsr responded:
KICK HER ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE!
I am a 26 year old. When i graduated from HS my mom said that i had to go. she didnt care if what i chose to do but i coouldnt continue to live at home. I chose to go to college. I got into some legal trouble and my mom did NOT bail me out. I had to fix it myself and face the concequences. Im a better person and mother for it. Make your child accept responsibility by showing some tough love. My mother always tells (even to this day) that she was done raising me after i turned 18. I am responsible for my own actions and I have to accept what ever comes along with those actions (good or bad). I plan to raise both of my children the same way. My husband's mother kicked him out when he was 17 b/c he wouldnt stop smoking (illegal drugs). He eventually got tired of getting arrested and going to jail all of the time. He stopped smoking but it took him about 2 years to handle all of his legal issues. Now he is doing great. He went to school for welding and is welding supervisor (3 years). Trust me, your child will do fine. You might not think so and may have some doubts but you would amazed at what your child can accomplish if she had no other choice.
I am a 26 year old. When i graduated from HS my mom said that i had to go. she didnt care if what i chose to do but i coouldnt continue to live at home. I chose to go to college. I got into some legal trouble and my mom did NOT bail me out. I had to fix it myself and face the concequences. Im a better person and mother for it. Make your child accept responsibility by showing some tough love. My mother always tells (even to this day) that she was done raising me after i turned 18. I am responsible for my own actions and I have to accept what ever comes along with those actions (good or bad). I plan to raise both of my children the same way. My husband's mother kicked him out when he was 17 b/c he wouldnt stop smoking (illegal drugs). He eventually got tired of getting arrested and going to jail all of the time. He stopped smoking but it took him about 2 years to handle all of his legal issues. Now he is doing great. He went to school for welding and is welding supervisor (3 years). Trust me, your child will do fine. You might not think so and may have some doubts but you would amazed at what your child can accomplish if she had no other choice.
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationKICK HER ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE!<br /> <br />I am a 26 year old. When i graduated from HS my mom said that i had to go. she didnt care if what i chose to do but i coouldnt continue to live at home. I chose to go to college. I got into some legal trouble and my mom did NOT bail me out. I had to fix it myself and face the concequences. Im a better person and mother for it. Make your child accept responsibility by showing some tough love. My mother always tells (even to this day) that she was done raising me after i turned 18. I am responsible for my own actions and I have to accept what ever comes along with those actions (good or bad). I plan to raise both of my children the same way. My husband's mother kicked him out when he was 17 b/c he wouldnt stop smoking (illegal drugs). He eventually got tired of getting arrested and going to jail all of the time. He stopped smoking but it took him about 2 years to handle all of his legal issues. Now he is doing great. He went to school for welding and is welding supervisor (3 years). Trust me, your child will do fine. You might not think so and may have some doubts but you would amazed at what your child can accomplish if she had no other choice.
Newdaddytoo responded:
Kick her out. Get a restraining order if needed. Lets us know what you decide.
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationKick her out. Get a restraining order if needed. Lets us know what you decide.
An_123868 replied to Newdaddytoo's response:
You people are tough parents. Once a parent always a parent. it sounds like she needs guidence.... even a 26 people still need their parents to a degree
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationYou people are tough parents. Once a parent always a parent. it sounds like she needs guidence.... even a 26 people still need their parents to a degree
Wow tone down the hate.
oopps sorry to the wrong person.
Sometimes you need tough love. To distance yourself & refuse to help doesn't mean you don't care, it means you care so much that you will try anything & go to all lengths including pushing her away & making her face her own issues & be forced to accept responsibility for her actions by resolving them herself. My parents kicked me out @ 18(because they were drug addicts). I have pretty much always fended for myself. My husband once had similar issues to your daughter & it took tough love & a lot of rough time for him to wake up. It's not hate but it is hard and harsh to give tough love, but sometimes it's what you have to do to save your kid.
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationSometimes you need tough love. To distance yourself & refuse to help doesn't mean you don't care, it means you care so much that you will try anything & go to all lengths including pushing her away & making her face her own issues & be forced to accept responsibility for her actions by resolving them herself. My parents kicked me out @ 18(because they were drug addicts). I have pretty much always fended for myself. My husband once had similar issues to your daughter & it took tough love & a lot of rough time for him to wake up. It's not hate but it is hard and harsh to give tough love, but sometimes it's what you have to do to save your kid.
surgtechstlouis replied to An_240941's response:
am the soon to be step parent of a 22yo that has a son and bounces from relative to relative when she and her BF (baby daddy) arent getting along....which happens frequently. my fiance takes on his child's problems and encourages them (child and baby) to come home. they dont really want to and he can't afford to have them there. to top it all off it's definitely a user situation where the child wants no responsibility for household chores, rent, utilities, food..etc...and expects the ones that are working full time to financially support them. i am the outsider looking in and see all of this....in the past i have been very verbal about my feelings but all it did was put a wedge between me and my fiance. i dont like how the child uses my fiance and barely says thank you for help...almost like ot is expected. i dont know what to do since every time the child comes back it disrupts the other members of the household and nobody is in a good mood while said child is there.
Report This| Share this:parent frustration<i>am the soon to be step parent of a 22yo that has a son and bounces from relative to relative when she and her BF (baby daddy) arent getting along....which happens frequently. my fiance takes on his child's problems and encourages them (child and baby) to come home. they dont really want to and he can't afford to have them there. to top it all off it's definitely a user situation where the child wants no responsibility for household chores, rent, utilities, food..etc...and expects the ones that are working full time to financially support them. i am the outsider looking in and see all of this....in the past i have been very verbal about my feelings but all it did was put a wedge between me and my fiance. i dont like how the child uses my fiance and barely says thank you for help...almost like ot is expected. i dont know what to do since every time the child comes back it disrupts the other members of the household and nobody is in a good mood while said child is there.</i>
An_240941 replied to surgtechstlouis's response:
Wow. The only thing I could think of is maybe family counseling? Because if you keep pushing your feelings on your un-excepting in denial fiance he will just continue not to hear you & if you go behind his back & try to help his kid help themselves or tell her what you really think of her then your just going behind his back & overstepping your boundaries as a step parent. You're kind of in a catch 22 situation there. It has to suck feeling like outsider in your own home & it definitely isn't a healthy situation for anybody.
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationWow. The only thing I could think of is maybe family counseling? Because if you keep pushing your feelings on your un-excepting in denial fiance he will just continue not to hear you & if you go behind his back & try to help his kid help themselves or tell her what you really think of her then your just going behind his back & overstepping your boundaries as a step parent. You're kind of in a catch 22 situation there. It has to suck feeling like outsider in your own home & it definitely isn't a healthy situation for anybody.
justmejust replied to surgtechstlouis's response:
Tough situation to be in. I've not been in something like this. I know the parent of the child instead of the stepparent is the one to do the disciplining.
As a non experienced person, I might suggest accepting the stepdaughter and fiance the way they are, or get out of the relationship. Changing them and their relationship is unlikely at this age.
However, if you decide you are able to accept them as they are, one idea might be to model independence, talk of it, cut out and post articles about it casually, and kind of 'for yourself'. Some weak influence might occur. But I would not expect it. It is not likely.
You could also babysit the child while the mother gets a job. Just find a way to accept the situation rather than change it will probably work best and bring you more satisfaction.
Good luck.
As a non experienced person, I might suggest accepting the stepdaughter and fiance the way they are, or get out of the relationship. Changing them and their relationship is unlikely at this age.
However, if you decide you are able to accept them as they are, one idea might be to model independence, talk of it, cut out and post articles about it casually, and kind of 'for yourself'. Some weak influence might occur. But I would not expect it. It is not likely.
You could also babysit the child while the mother gets a job. Just find a way to accept the situation rather than change it will probably work best and bring you more satisfaction.
Good luck.
Report This| Share this:parent frustrationTough situation to be in. I've not been in something like this. I know the parent of the child instead of the stepparent is the one to do the disciplining.<br /><br />As a non experienced person, I might suggest accepting the stepdaughter and fiance the way they are, or get out of the relationship. Changing them and their relationship is unlikely at this age.<br /><br />However, if you decide you are able to accept them as they are, one idea might be to model independence, talk of it, cut out and post articles about it casually, and kind of 'for yourself'. Some weak influence might occur. But I would not expect it. It is not likely.<br /><br />You could also babysit the child while the mother gets a job. Just find a way to accept the situation rather than change it will probably work best and bring you more satisfaction.<br /><br />Good luck.
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