Parenting: Friends Talking Community
Sometimes it is just nice to be able to talk to other parents about the daily ... more
Adult Child Won't Grow Up
cookie507 posted:
I am so fed up with my son. He is 25 and has 2 son's. We've allowed him to live at home rent free, so he'd have a place for his sons'. I have watched him go through so much mess. I'm constantly making excuses to his son's and their mothers for him. I am now at the point that I prefer not to hear from him. 
The stress has cause medical problems. I love my son, but I've watched him throw away all the drive and ambition he had. Now he's settling for a low paying job, no benefits and no where to go. Yes, I'm thankful he has a job; but I know he can do better.
I'm just sooo sad over this. Sad for my grandsons' and sad for my son. I'm ready to ask him to leave our home.
Please give me some insight.
The stress has cause medical problems. I love my son, but I've watched him throw away all the drive and ambition he had. Now he's settling for a low paying job, no benefits and no where to go. Yes, I'm thankful he has a job; but I know he can do better.
I'm just sooo sad over this. Sad for my grandsons' and sad for my son. I'm ready to ask him to leave our home.
Please give me some insight.6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpI am so fed up with my son. He is 25 and has 2 son's. We've allowed him to live at home rent free, so he'd have a place for his sons'. I have watched him go through so much mess. I'm constantly making excuses to his son's and their mothers for him. I am now at the point that I prefer not to hear from him. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/frown.gif" align="top" border="0"> The stress has cause medical problems. I love my son, but I've watched him throw away all the drive and ambition he had. Now he's settling for a low paying job, no benefits and no where to go. Yes, I'm thankful he has a job; but I know he can do better.
I'm just sooo sad over this. Sad for my grandsons' and sad for my son. I'm ready to ask him to leave our home.<img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/crying.gif" align="top" border="0">
Please give me some insight.
GreenStudent responded:
Maybe you could find him an apartment close by, tell him you'll help with rent for a few months, and check in on him often. This way, he can be taught more independence and you can get a break, but you can still check up on him.
Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpMaybe you could find him an apartment close by, tell him you'll help with rent for a few months, and check in on him often. This way, he can be taught more independence and you can get a break, but you can still check up on him.
Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Cookie,
While you're waiting for more responses here, I encourage you to also post on our Family Advice board for futher feedback.
While you're waiting for more responses here, I encourage you to also post on our Family Advice board for futher feedback.
Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpDear Cookie, <br><br>While you're waiting for more responses here, I encourage you to also post on our <a rel=nofollow href=http://boards.webmd.com/webx/topics/hd/Sex-and-Relationships/Family-Advice-Member-to-Member />Family Advice</a> board for futher feedback. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0">
g8tor1989 responded:
It sounds like your son is not being treated like an adult that he is. Make expectations very clear to him what another adult living in your house is expected to do. If he is living at your house, make him pay rent and his portion of the utilities. Maybe draw up a rental agreement (you can get basic ones from office supply stores). Give him a timeframe to get his act together otherwise he will be evicted and make sure you follow through.
Stop making excuses. If grandson's and their mother's are asking you why, tell them you have no idea and they should ask him directly. Overtime he will get tired of being asked those questions and will change (hopefully for the better). And this gets you out of the stress zone and not getting caught up in his drama.
You still love your son, but you do not have to like his choices nor do you have to suffer for them.
Stop making excuses. If grandson's and their mother's are asking you why, tell them you have no idea and they should ask him directly. Overtime he will get tired of being asked those questions and will change (hopefully for the better). And this gets you out of the stress zone and not getting caught up in his drama.
You still love your son, but you do not have to like his choices nor do you have to suffer for them.
Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpIt sounds like your son is not being treated like an adult that he is. Make expectations very clear to him what another adult living in your house is expected to do. If he is living at your house, make him pay rent and his portion of the utilities. Maybe draw up a rental agreement (you can get basic ones from office supply stores). Give him a timeframe to get his act together otherwise he will be evicted and make sure you follow through. <br><br>Stop making excuses. If grandson's and their mother's are asking you why, tell them you have no idea and they should ask him directly. Overtime he will get tired of being asked those questions and will change (hopefully for the better). And this gets you out of the stress zone and not getting caught up in his drama. <br><br>You still love your son, but you do not have to like his choices nor do you have to suffer for them.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
I have one that is 40 and does have his own home, but provide support to four kids and him, now on ssdi, he has drained my savings, and sucked the life right out of me.
Constantly disruptive, and believe he is biopolar. have done everything i know to do, where are the deadbeat mothers of these children? why don't they step up to the plate. i am old and very very tired. tried to talk, yell scream, talk to pastors, talked to counselors and talked to the family, lock the door and told em not to come over without respect. Falls on deaf ears. Husband abusive too. I need to run away.
I have one that is 40 and does have his own home, but provide support to four kids and him, now on ssdi, he has drained my savings, and sucked the life right out of me.
Constantly disruptive, and believe he is biopolar. have done everything i know to do, where are the deadbeat mothers of these children? why don't they step up to the plate. i am old and very very tired. tried to talk, yell scream, talk to pastors, talked to counselors and talked to the family, lock the door and told em not to come over without respect. Falls on deaf ears. Husband abusive too. I need to run away.
Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpI FEEL YOUR PAIN.<br /><br />I have one that is 40 and does have his own home, but provide support to four kids and him, now on ssdi, he has drained my savings, and sucked the life right out of me.<br />Constantly disruptive, and believe he is biopolar. have done everything i know to do, where are the deadbeat mothers of these children? why don't they step up to the plate. i am old and very very tired. tried to talk, yell scream, talk to pastors, talked to counselors and talked to the family, lock the door and told em not to come over without respect. Falls on deaf ears. Husband abusive too. I need to run away.
Xango1 responded:
fed up, used up, and no where to go.
An_240941 responded:
I would just tell him that either he goes to college to get a degree or he gets a job that pays him enough to get out on his own. I'd make him follow through w/ one or the other or give him some tough love & kick him out. He will figure it out one way or another. You gotta have enough faith to believe that your kid is smart enough to survive somehow. I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love is the best love.
Report This| Share this:Adult Child Won't Grow UpI would just tell him that either he goes to college to get a degree or he gets a job that pays him enough to get out on his own. I'd make him follow through w/ one or the other or give him some tough love & kick him out. He will figure it out one way or another. You gotta have enough faith to believe that your kid is smart enough to survive somehow. I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love is the best love.
Spotlight: Member Stories
I am a single mother w/ a beautiful (almost) 2 year old girl.
Helpful Tips
Potty training
Consistency is the key. You cant let up or the child will slip back. Make it fun or reward them for going. We made our daughter a sticker ... More
Was this Helpful?
8
of
16 found this helpful
Related News
Related Drug Reviews
- Drug Name User Reviews
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Member Communities
- Dieting Club: 10 - 25 Lbs Member Community Share Your Tips and Support!
- Caregiving Member Community The Support and Understanding You Need!
- Parenting Friends Talking Member Community Get Support from Members Like You!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.