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I feel like...
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newmommy1209 posted:
I won't know my son when he comes home. I'm reading the parenting newborn post and I've started to feel like I won't really know my own kid. I go to the Nicu as much as possible to spend all the time I can with him. But I can't be there to take care of him all the time. I'm worried that when he does come home I won't know what he wants from me. Like I just realized I don't even know if he sleeps through the night. I know he is a pretty happy baby but I don't really know him. I'm also worried that he will bond better with the nurses than with me. I know this sounds crazy and dh tells me that he knows who his mom is but I still feel self conscious with my own kid. Do any of you feel like this?
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swinga responded:
While my lo was not in the nicu, she was born at 36weeks. I am very greatful she was healthy, and I say a little prayer for your family each day, and I just want to tell you that your son will know you. Remember he had several months with you 24/7. These few weeks in the nicu are nothing compared to the time he had with you! and as far as knowing what he needs, since he is in the nicu and early, he is probably sleeping most of the time, and even if he has a 'schedule' right now, it will be totally different when he gets home. There are nights my lo sleeps great at night, and nights she is wide awake. Don't worry about knowing what he needs, your mommy instincts will tell you and he will let you know. I promise you that! Keep the faith and know that it will be ok!
 
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simerlm responded:
I know how you feel! My DD was in the Nicu for 5 weeks. I wasn't even allowed to hold her for the first week. Then, it was limited holding, one hour once a day, after that until she was about 4 weeks old. It was heartbreaking. I wondered if she would know that I was her mom or if she would think one of the nurses was better. What I did while I was there was to always put my hand on her, whether I was allowed to hold her or not, I could touch her. It was with those plastic gloves in the beginning, but it still counted in my mind. I always asked a ton of questions when I came in for the first time during the day. They told me how much she ate and woke up and everything during the night. That way, even though I couldn't be there, I knew what she had been doing. Also, I called a few times during the night to speak to her nurse, just to check on her. That made me feel like I knew her better. As you are allowed to be more involved in his care, you will see how he likes to be held and other things like that. It is really hard to leave your baby in the hospital day after day. He does know you though. When my DD was 4 weeks old, she started waking up in the Nicu when she heard my voice. It will happen. Now, my DD is 15 months and wants only Mom! Here are some ((HUGS)) for you.
 
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newmommy1209 responded:
thank you
 
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Jamelita responded:
You will bond with him, but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen immediately. Like Misty, I was at the NICU as often as possible and called every night. When my DD came home after a month I was so wrapped up in figuring out how to care for her that bonding didn't really occur to me. After she had been home a month or so and I was slowly starting to calm down, breastfeeding was getting better, etc., I had the realization that I knew what she wanted. I knew when she was hungry, wet, how she liked to be held, etc. It was then that I knew we would be just fine. Yes, it isn't the same as being able to hold and nurse your newborn moments after birth but I know from experience that isn't a requirement of parent-child bonding. My DD is 16 months old and very attached to both DH and myself and it's great...it will happen with you, too!
 
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Jenny2511 responded:
I know how you felt. My daughter was born at 36 weeks. She was in the NICU for a 3 1/2 weeks. I was unable to see her for the first day because I was in the ICU. It just felt like she wasn't mine. When I was finally able to see her I couldn't hold her I could only touch. I went to see her when I wasn't feeling weak while we were still in the hospital. It was heartbreaking when I was sent home and she wasn't. Then they had to move her to another hospital further away. I knew she was mine, but there wasn't that bond. Finally when she was five days old I was able to hold her and I felt a joy and love that I can't explain. It was finally somewhat real. About a week later I was able to breastfeed her and that bond grew even more because we took to breastfeeding like nothing. I was happy and afraid when I was able to bring her home because I would be rising her without her father. It didn't take me so long to figure out what she needed because she was a quiet baby. Your baby knows who you are. They have heard your voice your heartbeat since they were in the womb. My daughter is six now and she wants to be independent. You will know him. It might not feel like it right now but you will bond with your baby. A few months down the road when he looks up at you smiles when you say goodmorning that will be a moment you will never forget.
 
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Plumeria84 responded:
First of all {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I have a preemie as well, but I haven't posted much on this board. But he WILL know how you are !! I had that same fear, I was afraid that because the nurses handled him more than I did that he wouldn't know how I am or that I wouldn't feel that closeness to him that you hear people say they get instantly. Just reading your posts makes me remember how I felt waiting for DS to come home. I wanted him home so bad but at the same time I was sooo terrified that I wouldn't know what to do with him / for him. But I promise you the moment you get him home , your maternal instinct will totally kick in. I think because there is someone else taking care of your Lo right now you feel like you don't know how to do anything. But as soon as it's all you and you have no one to rely on you will know exactly what to do. Some things do take a little bit of getting use to but don't worry you'll figure it out. Good Luck and I hope your precious boy gets to come home soon. And before you know it he'll be crawling around and babbling.... I know it sounds crazy to think of it now, but I swear if feels like yesterday that I was visiting DS in NICU. Now he's crawling all over the place..... exhausting to keep up with him :smile: Take care !
 
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Mom1to3 responded:
I recommend rooming-in with your NICU infant...staying overnight in a family room with your baby to get a dry-run of what total care for your baby is like. Yhe nurse comes in to check on you and help if you need it, but you do all the care and troubleshooting by yourself. It is a great way to figure out what questions you need to ask, and to gain condfidence. Good luck!
 
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peewee0603 responded:
dez, I surprised that your hospital kept your LO weighing at 5lbs. When i had my LO she weighed 4lbs 5oz 18 1/2in. At first i just knew the hospital was going to keep her due to her size but the doctors and nurses reassured me that baby was a fighter and that she just wanted to come out early. I wasn't due until 12/12 or 12/15 but she came out on 11/15. Dont feel self conscious of this because Witten knows his mommy smell as soon as you come in the room.


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