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Dating/Kissing preteen
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mom2janda7 posted:
just found out my 11 year old son kissed his "girlfriend"
I told him girlfriends aren't ok at this age but he's in the same class with her and I can only control what happens at home. thing is after spying on his texts I am reading things like he wants to marry her and he says i love you..I'm ready to pack my bags and take him to another state but this probably isn't realistic..
any advice out there? please no "what a bad mom you need to stop this" comments....easier said than done!
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curousity responded:
I had a similar problem with my son last year. He is now 12. He is not allowed to have a GF until he 16 but only if I feel that he is mature and/or responsible enough otherwise he will have to wait until he is 18 and on his own. Knowing this, he had a "secret" GF anyway. I completely expected it to happen, since I cannot be with him all day. However, I did not expect it to happen at 11. Of course I did find out from relatives (who do not share my rules and have kids the same age). Intially I flipped out. I punished him, but also explained how it was perfectly natural to have those kind of feelings. I did tell him he had to break it off. Needless to say he didn't. Even though I knew he still had a GF I pretended not to know and laid it on thick the reasons he should not have one. It was really hard, especially after I found texts from his cousins telling him to he should kiss her and the things they did with their BF and GFs (at age 11)! It started to seem like he was only doing it to impress his friends. His grades started to slip (he was a straight A student). And he his attitude started to change. I got more strict. I limited his phone use. He was never allowed to go anywhere without me. I stopped allowing his friends over, after school or on weekends. Fortunatley summer rolled around and he was pretty much isolated to home all summer. Even better the girl "broke up" with him at the begining of this year. I have not had this problem since. I continue to tell him why GFs are a bad idea. Girls still come around, but I try to chase them away.

I was in the same frame of mind. I was ready to move to another state. It is note realastic but I also knew from previous experience, with my nephew, this was not the answer. In my nephews case he too started very early with a GF. He carried on with her all thu HS. My sister had the same rule as I. They fought and fought over it. My sister sent him away his sophmore year to get a little seperation between the two. The GF followed him to his new location. Long sory short, she ended up pregnant and they now have two kids and live with my sister. And this a a young man my son looks up to.

I definatley don't want to scare you. You are not alone. I know I felt like I was the only one, either feeling this way or going thru it. Some people may tell you not to worry, they are only 11. Some people may tell you that you need to take control and lay down the law. I heard it all. There is no easy answer.

I did learn was that he did listen to one thing I drilled into his head. That GFs are expensive. LoL. Because when the GF broke up with him, all he said to my informant was "oh well at least I'll save money".

I know this is not the last time I will be going thru this. Like I said the girls still come around. I find letters in his backpack or in his pockets. All I can do is hope I raised him and continue to raise him to make responsible decisions. Bottom line... it sucks! Just hang in there. Sorry if some of this makes little sense and is long.
 
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gruffff responded:
well, he should have a rule no girls that he can not date til he is 13! I think moving schools, going to a doctor, or ask him ''do you want to leave this school or go to the doctor''That might work!


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