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Dangers of Physical Intimacy
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G2B1983 posted:
My fiancee has a 19 year old daughter. She is a high school drop out, has no skills to speak of, and no drivers license. While she is a very polite and loving daughter she lives at home and has few responsibilites. My major concern is she has a male "friend" that shares her bed with her mother's permission. They claim there is no sexual activity going on, that she just hates sleeping alone. I have cautioned them that whether there is any sexual activity going on or not the situation has greater negative implications than they realize. I am unable to articulate these dangers other than she doesn't get a good nights sleep and it is just plain old bad behavior. I want my relationship with her mother to work but I am having a difficult time accepting this situation which I feel does nothing but hurt everyone including my relationship with her mother. Any advice other than to bail out now before it is too late? Can anyone articulate the perils of this "platonic sleep over" situation?
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An_250567 responded:
She is sleeping with a pal at your house or her mother's? If the latter, it's an opportunity for you to MYOB. Why on earth would her sleeping habits come between you and the former wife of your fiancee?
 
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fcl responded:
Frankly, this is none of your business. She is legally an adult and, while your rules apply under your roof, how and with whom she sleeps anywhere else is her business and hers alone.

I fully understand that this situation bothers you but the only person liable to damage relationships here is you by interfering with others.
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
A fiancee means your expecting to marry this woman. If your fiancee is not living with you, you can voice your opinion, but you really can not do anything. Advise your fiancee that if she want to get married, you will not support this situtation. If she and the daughter are living with you and it's your house your options are different. You can state this will not happen any more or she has to find another place to live. Advise them you don't want to support her and her bf and their children. If your living in her house, your options are to stay or go. Never ask a parent to pick a child over a significant other. The S.O should lose every time. My ex-wife found out she could be replaced. She has a daughter and she let her daughter have overnite guest at 17. I disapproved, but it did no good. One of many reasons I got out of the marriage. I married her mother when the girl was 1.5 years old. She's now 25 years old. You may lose your gf, due to your decisions. What are you comfortable with?


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