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17 year old daughter
dancingrain77 posted:
I'm having a lot of issues with my daughter. She's angry and rather bitter at me for some mistakes I've made. One was, I had a drinking problem for a few years, and while I no longer do, she still throws it at me. In text, and on facebook. I've made mistakes. I admit it. I've messed up. I know it. But my kids ALWAYS had a home. Clean clothes, food and a safe place to live. Sounds like rationalizing doesn't it. But it's still true. Now, she's living with her father. Everything is my fault. Her attitude, her problems, even her depression. I don't know how to deal with her. What to say when she's lashing out. I'm trying. I love my daughter with all my heart, and would do almost anything to get us "square". If it was just between us I could deal with things. But she posts things on public forums, and on a shared account with her boyfriend. Everything is public. Every time she's pissy, every mean comment, every nasty thing. She posts it public. It hurts. It all hurts. What she says, public and private. I'm lost. I love my girl. I would never ever stop talking to her, stop trying. But I'm at a loss on how to get through to her.
sluggo45692 responded:
Hi Dancing,
I'm glad you stopped drinking and took charge of your life. I'm the son of a drunk. He's still a drunk. I didn't have the social media outlets when I was 17 and I'm betting you didn't either.

We were taught by our parents to keep things quiet. Today's generation does not have those guidelines and thinks everything has to be out there. Unfortunately, you have an angry daughter with no social awareness to how ignorant it makes her appear.

You have 2 ways to deal with this.
One is to answer each and every comment or statement with an appropriate response. Advising her also how this is showing she's being childish and throwing trantrums on the social media for all the world to see.
The second way is to ignore it all.

Either way it's going to be rough. Your not going to get this "square." EVER. As an alcoholic, you hurt everyone around you. It will take a LOT of time, energy, and heart ache to help get it better. She has to forgive you. She's not going to make it easy and she's still a child. If you can't make her get counceling for her anger, you get counceling for yourself, so you don't backslide. As angry and hateful as she is now, it's better than the bottle.

I don't facebook. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not a bad person, but I have a daughter, who is angry at the entire world and feels she has to put everything out there. I answered her comments one time through a friends face book page. I didn't cuss or use any foul suggestions. I did get my point across and got a lot positive responses from a lot of her "friends." They told her to shut up and lay off dad. I also got an apology from my daughter.

We're the adults and we are suppost to be smarter and more mature. If I remember right, part of the 11 steps has something to do with forgiveness. The first person you have to forgive is yourself. You made mistakes and are trying to fix them. That's the best we can do. JUST DON'T BACK SLIDE. As the son of a drunk, if you back slide, YOU DESERVE WHAT EVER SHE GIVES YOU. Children of alcoholics are not to forgiving.

Good Luck
mariajohnson responded:
Hey, I can understand how you feel when your daughter behaves this way. Making your daughter trust and love you back might be difficult but you will have to keep trying. Talk to her, do all what makes her happy, gain back her trust and I am sure she will realize your love for her.

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