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How do I prepare for this?
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lel4crzybys posted:
My 17 yo DS is more than likely going to be charged with a felony. In gereral terms the charge revolves around possesion/distribution of child pornography. I am sure I may get a lot of flack here but before you judge..we are talking about sexting and that he also was the recipient of email that contained images that he did not request.
His attorney is excellent but states that there is not a chance that he will not be arrested. Our only hope is that the Attorney General with give us the heads-up and option for DS to turn himself in. My question is, how do I prepare my son for this experience? He is afraid of what will happen to him. I am terrified for him as well. I don't have any experience with this at all and I want to be able to empower him with knowledge and confidence,but I am failing him.
I worry daily that the fear of the unknown and fear of the future will cause him to do something which I can't even say....
He has an appointment with a therapist today thank God.
I guess I am just looking for advice....support.
Thanks for hearing me out. Time to quit crying and get back to PTing my youngest DS !
Me(45), DH(34), DS1(20), DS2(16), DS3(6), DS4(2). 5 furbabies (2dogs, 3cats) Life is hectic, but we are living it!
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FCL responded:
I am certainly not going to judge ... This is SO hard for young people - they sext with others of their own age (I'm assuming the "child pornography" was of others around his age - give or take a couple of years) and they are treated as pedophiles. Yet in many states an older guy can get a 17 yo pregnant and not be charged with statutory rape if he's less than 3 years older than her... It just seems so mixed up. It makes me wonder if the "morality" police aren't deliberately investigating teens' phones because they know there will be easy pickings given the laws in their current state. It's great to boost your stats but not so hot from a moral point of view.

Is there any chance that the email he received with the images came from people others than his friends? That he might have been set up? I'm not approving what he did, just saying that if unfair means were used ...


I am truly sorry that you're going through this. You haven't failed him because you are there for him. Youi need to dry the tears and take a deep breath because he's going to need your support all the way. I can sympathize with the temptation to take nude photos of yourself during your teens just because you CAN ... Heck, I'd probably have done it myself at that age had the technology been available ...

Wishing you well,

FCL
 
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lel4crzybys replied to FCL's response:
Thank you for your words, we share many of the same views! I guess because no formal charges have been made "yet", we are unable to determine about unfair means. I do know it came from someone quite a bit older.
I am taking a deep breath and will just take things day by day.
You are right about technology...I can't imagine what I may have gotten up to had I had access to internet etc at that age ...ugh!
Me(45), DH(34), DS1(20), DS2(16), DS3(6), DS4(2). 5 furbabies (2dogs, 3cats) Life is hectic, but we are living it!
 
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AliceMalice replied to lel4crzybys's response:
The internet and cell phones/texting makes our kids such easy targets these days. Young kids having access to sending images and it gets into the wrong hands. Or like in your son's case, recieving images without being having any intent at all.
I would imagine that if your son has a good attitude, speaks openly to a judge (if it gets that far) and expresses his understanding of the consequences of sharing images, that the judge would be very fair and maybe even lower the charges. I've seen judges reduce the charges to a minimum when the person shows remorse and understanding and is respectful in court.
I think this is a good time to continue talking to your son about how serious and scary the consequences of something that seems just fun and harmless can really be. If it looks questionable at all (images or media) he should not respond or forward and delete immediately. And report any underaged porn to authorities. Good luck.
 
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FCL replied to lel4crzybys's response:
" I do know it came from someone quite a bit older."

They may be "using" your son to catch bigger fish. He may get off more lightly than you expect. In any case, I think that AliceMalice gave good advice ... definitely worth considering... from all points of view.

Please keep us posted, will you?
 
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lel4crzybys replied to AliceMalice's response:
Thank you Alice AND FCL. My son has no access to internet unless at school, also no cell at this time. He is aware that at this point in time everything he does will be under scrutiny. He is such a good kid, good student, honest and has been doing everything to cooperate.
I really am holding out that he is a "minnow" in a sea of "big" fish. One day at a time. Thanks Ladies!
Me(45), DH(34), DS1(20), DS2(16), DS3(6), DS4(2). 5 furbabies (2dogs, 3cats) Life is hectic, but we are living it!
 
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FCL replied to lel4crzybys's response:
(((((HUGS)))))
 
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lel4crzybys replied to FCL's response:
just a quick update... DS went to therapy. He will be attending group therapy with boys his age facing similar situations. He is upbeat and feeling less isolated. Also they discussed potential outcomes from a legal perspective. I am so thrilled that he has support from peers and professionals that are familiar with this situation.. I know it's not all roses, but today has been a good day and he can feel good about himself.
Me(45), DH(34), DS1(20), DS2(16), DS3(6), DS4(2). 5 furbabies (2dogs, 3cats) Life is hectic, but we are living it!
 
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Louise_WebMD_Staff replied to lel4crzybys's response:
Wow. Just wow. I am glad you found the right group and help for him during this time.
 
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FCL replied to lel4crzybys's response:
I'm so glad your son has found support. I'm sure you feel a lot less helpless now that you're in touch with people who know about these situations.

And thanks for letting us know :)
 
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AliceMalice replied to lel4crzybys's response:
I am very glad to here that, lel4.. It's great he has support and someone to talk to and that you don't feel so helpless and isolated either. That is good! And its really good that they discuss potential legal outcomes..I'm sure that help you both sleep better at night! Thanks for sharing and continued good luck.
 
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An_221658 responded:
Let me first say, yuo will find the strength for your son. Ask the attorney if this felony will stay on his record. Even more than the charge, this is important. As a convicted felon, you don't want your son to have this on his record, espeically at such a young age. It will hinder him in many ways. I haven't understood what the attraction with "sexting" is, but it seems to be an epidemic. One of my daugher's 12YO boy friends (she's been friends with her "crew" since kindergarten) had another girl send him topless pix on his cell. She was 11 at the time. He was disturbed enough to tell his Mom, who called the girl's parents. They did nothing about it. She now has Facebooks/MySpace looking for "men". Hopefully, they will not require your son to register on the sex offender list. I think this is stupid for kids who "sext" to be put on that and labeled with common sex offenders, which obviously they are not. Since your son is 17, are they going to treat him as an adult or juvenile? try to keep it in the juvenile court so that he will not have the felony on his record. They could also drop the charges down to a lesser charge. Please be strong for your son during this and perhaps he learned a lesson and can tell other kids his age that this is NOT a good idea and can possibly lead to criminal charges. Even though the outcome, you think is inevitable, your son can learn from this experience and amke his life better in the future. It's all about choices and what he does with this experience. Thank you for having the courage to post on this forum. Not many parents would and this is something that really needs to be addressed with young adults. Things are very different these days and not talking about it doesn't make it go away. Be strong and have faith that everything will be OK. Take care.
 
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lel4crzybys replied to An_221658's response:
Dear Anon, Thank you for your response. At this point we have no idea if, when and how the AG will decide to file. Hence we are worried/anxious about any of the possible outcomes. I pray daily that this goes through the juvenille system and that he will not have to register. We are painfully aware of the impact that would have on his future.
To say he has learned his lesson is an understatement!
I am staying strong and trying to be as positive, yet realisitc as possible.
Me(45), DH(34), DS1(20), DS2(16), DS3(6), DS4(2). 5 furbabies (2dogs, 3cats) Life is hectic, but we are living it!


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