Parenting: Preteens & Teenagers Community

Hi Anon_124363,

Have you taken the son to a doctor for an exam? No child wants to have urine, or feces on them.

I agree with Lainey ... he's not doing this deliberately. Please get him checked out by a doctor. He clearly is not in charge of what is happening to him.

I havent taken him to the Dr, I believe that his father hasnt either as he feels that this is embarassing. His father truly believes that this is something that he has control of. My step son will walk around will soiled pants and will say nothing and acts like he cant smell it. Knowing what he has done, wouldnt you think that he would go change? When his father smells poop, he will say.... I thought I just gased (farted). Do you not think that it is just pure laziness? He is a straight A student, out going but kind of nerdy at the same time. But, just fear that he is in middle school and the youngest grade that other kids will smell him and really start picking on him.

think there might be some psychological issues here it might be an insecurity for some reason and by doing this it keeps him in control of something even if it is his own bowels and bladder. im not suggesting medication. what you need to talk to your husband about is yes this is an embarrasing issue for him as well as your step son but think about the long term effect of this issue. i think some couseling and some alternative ideas from a psychologist would help this matter out. you may think of this as embarrasing but they do deal with this issue more then what you think. my oldest son which is going on 12 still wets the bed we thought it was because he was drinking water before going to bed we recently found out he was waiting for my husband to go to bed so he could get up and get into stuff. he has even started setting fires at night as well whcich has kept my husband and i in constant fear for not only my sons safty but the whole families safty. there must be an underlying cause for his behavior which it could be something as small as he lost his security blanket as in his favorite toy or blanket was lost or taken away before he was ready to something more sever as in missing someone special. so having extra help to find out what is going on will help you to figure this out. and besides he might not want to talkj to you and your husband about the issue and having a counselor or a psychologist involved in the issue he might talk to them considering they are a mutual person and not mom or dad. these people will help you get to the bottom of the issue and also help you with finding outs for the issue like helping him to go to the bathroom by himself with out the constant reminder from you or your husband. so honestly please consider professional help.

Sometimes the muscles that control our movements can be weak. Before you assume he can control the problem please have your son examined. My daughter had secondary reflux and her father thought she was urinating herself on purpose. A simple surgery fixed her in 24 hours. She also had issues with her bowel movements.

Not making excuses but the peeing part.... he can control it as if we slow the liquid intake he doesnt wake up with a wet bed! BUT the pooping thing... I just dont understand! Even if its a medical issue that he poops his pants, why doesnt he change after he does it... he will be like " OH, I thought that I just gased" I know he has to feel it and smell it.... hes 12 years old!

If you truly want some REAL answers... Take. Him. To. The. Doctor.

End of story.

It's called encopresis and enuresis Please stop punishing him and take him to his physician.

Punishment is only going to make it worse.

My son is 13. He doesnt exactly have the same problem, but its more like he just cannot "hold' himself at all when he has to have a bowl movement. You know that urge you feel when you have to go, well if he is not near a toilet in 1-5 minutes it just comes out.
One prime example was when we were going to a family function bout 6 months ago. We were on the road not even 2 minutes from the house we were going to & he said he had to go I said haing on just 2 more curves & were there & he said " I cant too late" I have to admit I was a little frustrated cause we just drove for 45 mins & had to go back home for him to clean up & change.
He also does the same thing when he vomits. He sees someone eating something he doesn't like & it makes him sick to his stomach. He'll get that look & just throw up all over hisself & his plate. Thats one reason I dont take him out to eat anymore. That stopped with me a few years back. He will still do it at home occasionally, but hes use to the way we eat. The school automatically thinks hes sick every time he vomits, took me many years to convince them otherwise.
The Dr told me he has a week colon in regards to his bowl movement issues, so I know thats not his fault, he just needs to go when he gives the word. As far as the vomit issue, the dr only told me that was purely mental & he is just going to have to accept the fact that he cannot live in a box when it comes to eating in front of other people & he is being selfish. I have to agree.
Another thing that I deal with too when it comes to the bowl issue, I cannot get that boy to wipe till he is clean. He just thinks one swipe with the TP & hes done. So there is ALWAYS feces in his underware. Some times large amounts & I am not washing that with the rest of my clothes!! EEEWWW!!! I make a "load of shame" that is specifically for his underware after he washes them out by hand, which he hates!! My mother thinks that is cruel. but I have noticed since I have started doing this he does clean himself better, so maybe its working.
I do believe a family dr or even psychiatrist could help you get a better understanding of what is gonig on in your step sons life. Do you or your husband have employe assistant programs at work? They help not only the employees, but the family too. Just a suggestion if you choose to speak with a counsler. Good luck to you... It will get better!!

I'd highly recommend he be seen by a physician, most likely for a neurology referral. Something is going on for sure and medical problems need to be ruled out first. I've seen many children (Peds ER nurse) before who have this problem and sometimes the issue is located in the brain, spine, or nerves.


If everything is negative, then I'd seek out a good pediatric psychiatrist for an evaluation and referral to counseling.

Good advice. I'd also recommend an evaluation by a peds GI doctor and/or urologist.

If all of that is negative, the child psychiatrist is the way to go.

I too think a "load of shame" is cruel. Very much so.

Of course he can control urine if his liquid intake is limited.

Pregnant women don't have menstrual periods either.

I'm sure he eats so there will be bowerl movements.

Take him to his physician!

My son had the same issues with pooping in his pants and I made him wash them out. We went to the doctor and it ends up that he is constipated. When he poops in his pants he can't control it; he is peeing in his pants because when he is constipated it puts pressure on his bladder. He started taking Miralax - it took about 2 weeks for his system to clear and we have been accident free. The Miralax is helping him to be regular.