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Child Defends Himself Against a Bully and is Punished!
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff posted:
Bullies are very scary to children of all ages. Antibully.org has some statistics about bullies.

1 out of 4 kids get bullied.

8% of students miss a day of class per month for fear of bullies.

100.000 carry a gun to school.

282.000 secondary students are physically attack each month.

A recent YouTube video shows a smaller bully hitting a much larger child. In the end, the larger child gets the upper hand and injures the bully. CBS has coverage of this evolving story: Bullied kid fights back (Very Graphic) Both students were suspended for 4 days.

Do you think a child should physically defend themselves when attacked?

Do you agree with the suspension given to both boys by the school?

What advice do you share with your child about bullies?
Reply
 
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tothebeach4 responded:
Yikes, that was rough! I don't have any kids that are at the age where bullying is a big issue yet, so I'm not an expert on how to deal with it. However, I would like to answer the questions with how I "think" I will feel about it if/when it's an issue for my child.

If my child is being physically harmed I would absolutely expect him to first tell an adult about what is going on. If he continues to be a target or if he is in a position where he has no choice but to act physically to get away from somebody, YES, I would absolutely condone fighting back. In the instance of the kid on the video, he did have the opportunity to walk away and report the bullying to a teacher, but he chose not to.

Which leads to the next question... yes, I do believe it was the right thing to do to suspend both children in this case. It will give them time to cool off and really think about what they've done. Hopefully, they both have parents who will help them to reflect on what happened and determine what they could've done differently to avoid the situation all together.

I have no idea what I will say to my children when they get older, but I'm looking forward to what other parents say.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to tothebeach4's response:
Hi Tothebeach4,

The child who was bullied is speaking out: Bullied boy talks about fighting back
Quote:

"I thought the rest of them would be joining in," he says. That's why he slammed the bully to the ground, so others wouldn't start hitting him too. He acknowledges the younger boy could have been hurt. Both boys were suspended from school.
"All I wanted was for it to stop,"



If children are being harassed in school, I wonder why nothing is done until after a fight breaks out?


If your child came home saying he/she was bullied, what would you do?
 
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tothebeach4 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
I can only give my opinions based on what I know about the story. And what I know is what what shown on the video.

I can't say that nothing was done until after the fight because I simply don't know what happened in the days/weeks leading up to the video. I think kids at that age tend to keep things to themselves instead of telling an adult what's going on because they don't want to be ridiculed even further for being at "tattle tail". Also, if parents and teachers were told about the problems these two boys were having with each other, I'm not sure how much control they have over the outcome either way.

If my child came home and said that he was being bullied, I would be on the phone with either his teacher or a guidance counselor. And if that didn't work, I'd be in the principal's office. I know we want our children to learn to deal with their own problems, which I would hope he would try to do at first, but there has to be a point when parents step in and take control of the situation. If my son comes to me and says he's scared to go to school, he tried talking to the bully, he tried talking to his teachers and nothing is getting resolved, you better believe I'd step in for my kid.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to tothebeach4's response:
Hi Tothebeach,

The boy just began speaking out recently because he wanted his side heard. Most schools have a "No Violence" policy which they normally use no matter who begins the fight. I am not even sure the bully was hitting to be mean or hitting to accepted in a clique. I don't have a side in this because like you, we don't have all the facts.
 
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eastcoastbeachgirl replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
I agree with both boys being punished. Physical violence should not be tolerated in any way shape or form. If only the smaller boy had been punished because he "started it" what message are we sending to the kids, it is ok to hit some of the time, how are they supposed to know when and if it is ok?

Our school system has realized "bully" in any form starts much younger than first thought. They have launched focused education on bullying beginning in Kindergarten. Each program is age based to help children learn to identify bullying and how best to deal with it. A big part of this is teaching the kids to just walk away and building self esteem.

Bullying is an age old problem and any steps taken to reduce/stop bullying should be applauded.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to eastcoastbeachgirl's response:
Hi Eastcoastbeachgirl,

I wish my school system would begin educating kindergartners about bullying. Where do we draw the line for our children if they are forced into a fight?
 
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emident replied to eastcoastbeachgirl's response:
That is complete and total nonsense. Teaching your child to submit to bullies will only make it worse. If your child becomes a "hard" target bullies will move on to easier pickings, it's a fact of life; Bullies pick on the weaklings of the flock.
If a child is being bullied physically, they have every right to defend themselves using any and all means necessary, not excluding physical action.
When I was in school, a bully picked on one kid until he was so scared, he refused to go to school. I used to be bullied, up until I "got bigger" and convinced the bully that there were other less painful targets to pick on. That was the last time that a bully picked on me.
In reality, it's all a matter of ending the "episode" decisively, and beating the bully badly enough that they never come back.
Semper Fi
 
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fcl replied to emident's response:
Walking away from a bully is not submitting to him/her. It is consciously making the decision to not allow him/her to have any hold on you.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to eastcoastbeachgirl's response:
I think kids should defend themselves if assaulted, unless a teacher is close enough to physically intervene.

The first time was when my oldest son was in kindergarten. There was an emotionally disturbed foster child with 1:1 support in his class. He got away from is aide on the playground and just ran over fists flailing attempting to hit my son with no provocation. My son was in karate and did a drop kick to avoid the assault, nothing else. They tried to punish our son but we would have none of it and advised the principal that it was not going to happen.

It happened one more time with my older son when he was in middle school. There was this other kid who was on probation and constantly disruptive in the classroom. He did not like the fact that my son was sitting in the chair of an absent classmate. He ran over to shove him. My son put his hand out to avoid it and the kid got up and punched my son in the head...then the teacher intervened. The vice principal was going to punish our son as well. We went in with no satisfactory result so we obtained legal representation.

I will NOT have my children punished for defending themselves from other people's out of control children.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to fcl's response:
They don't always allow one to "walk away."

Bully's are not always that passive.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to emident's response:
I agree with you.


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