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11 Year old and menstration
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An_221741 posted:
Hi,
This is not something I wanted to discuss in a public place but I dont know what else to do any longer. My ex husband, his girlfriend, my mother and I have all tried so hard to get my 11 (almost 12) year old daughter to wear pads. She refuses!!!! She either uses toilet paper all the time or goes without a pad or if we get lucky and she puts one on she wears the same one for the whole cycle!! I am not sure what to do any longer. She bled through the toilet paper one day and got some staining on her pants. This made me tell her to put a pad on and that it was really important. She finally did after about 30 minutes in the bathroom. Not only is it kinda gross that she is using the same pad for days on end but one weekend she went through 18.....yes 18 ROLLS of toilet paper!

If anyone has any advice on how to get her to wear pads I would really appreciate it. She refuses to use tampons as well which I dont mind but this is not the only issue with hygeine we have. She says she just doesnt care but I feel its not sanitary. Okay enough complaing...advice please!
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phoenix31674 responded:
Have you looked into smaller and thinner pads? The ones she's using may be too big/bulky and may be uncomfortable to her. I know that Kotex has a new line out for younger girls that are proportioned for them. I know early on i couldn't stand some of the thick, oversized pads out there and make sure i buy the really thin ones now.

Has she said why she doesn't want to wear pads or change them regularly? Have you or the girlfriend (or her doc) sat down with her and calmly had a conversation with her about menstruation and the importance of cleanliness during this time? Make sure this is a two way discussion where she's free to ask questions and be non judgmental.

Maybe something else is to take the cost of the TP out of her allowance if she gets one while providing the pads free to her. Hitting her in her wallet may convince her to change her mind, though she might just turn to something else. you really do need to find out why she isn't interested in pads. She may prefer the TP because it can drop into the toilet without her having to touch it. That might also be why she doesn't want to change her pad. The thought of touching the bloody pad may gross her out. This might need a discussion from a health professional to get her to come to grips with her monthly cycle.
 
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Ms_Candy804 responded:
I know this may not be your way of parenting but sometimes a pat on the leg can do the trick. At this point she is old enough to know that it is unacceptable to do what she is doing. No one "likes" getting their monthly; however, it is a part of like and going through multiple rolls of tissue and using the same pad for day is disgusting. She needs to be dissaplined. I think that if she is shown that this is NOT okay, then sooner or later she will get the point. What she is doing is extrememly harmful to her health and furthermore gross. I think you need to be way more stern with her considering the situation. I got my monthly when I was 12 and didnt like it either however, cleanliness is key, and what she is doing is openly welcoming a bacterial infection. I also think you should let a doctor speak with her about what she is doing.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to Ms_Candy804's response:
IMO, hitting (which you call "pat") children is never acceptable but I will leave that for another topic.

Phoenix has some great ideas on how to approach this with the girl.

There could be sensory issues going on as well as psychological ones. She may be having difficulty adjusting to puberty and her changing body. Neither are solved by hitting.

FYI, it is unclean but not "extremely harmful."

I had no problems accepting menstruation. I welcomed becoming a woman and later a mother. I was very active in sports so I used tampons early on but I never viewed menstruation in a negative way. I think that is sad.
 
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An_221742 replied to Ms_Candy804's response:
Do you really think that slapping an 11yo is going to teach her to be responsible about her body?
 
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Boyzmomee replied to An_221742's response:
I don't.
 
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Jaimarie_109 replied to Boyzmomee's response:
Whats wrong with whooping your child, you people act like that is child abuse, which it is not, try whooping your kids and I promise you they will act right. Im not saying this little girl dont have a mental issue but maybe she dont, maybe she just wants to be stubborn and not do what she is suppose to do, when you start your cycle, its alll about being clean, and im pretty sure her mother has taught her that obviously, now the little doesnt want to listen, its time for the mother to take action, I got whoopings my whole life, and Im just fine. People are different and they discipline their kids how they want to, but just because you guys give your kids time out, and they continue to do the same thing, on the other hand, we whoop pur kids, and it doesnt happen again, thats discipline.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to Jaimarie_109's response:
I don't use time out and neither do I physically hurt my kids.

And yes, hitting children is discipline using violence.

If I walked up and "whooped" you, the police could be called and I could be arrested for assault.

The thought of hurting my children physically makes me ill.
 
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phoenix31674 replied to Jaimarie_109's response:
Check out the 'spanking gets you nowhere' thread. a woman just posted to it who was 'whooped' as a kid and it did some irreparable damage to her self esteem. I'm not saying that everyone will have anxiety and trust disorders, but you never know if it's going to be your kid. Why take the risk if there are other ways out there to modify a child's behavior?

I was not hit as a child, nor do I believe in hitting my child other than something like slapping her hands or pushing her out of the way when she is trying to do something dangerous and that's the best option to keep her safe.

This isn't the place for that debate, but i honestly don't see how physical punishment is going to get to the root of why this child won't change/use pads. None of us know what sort of education about her body this young lady has had, but clearly there is some underlying reason she does not want to use pads that needs to be addressed.
 
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Jaimarie_109 replied to phoenix31674's response:
To be honest I didnt even take the time out to read your post, I just felt like you didnt like the fact I said whoopings is the key...well as Ive said before, and I dont mind saying it again, this is my opinion, and I posted what I thought just like you posted yours... just because you dont agree with it, doesnt give you the right to make it be a big deal either. Im really to the popint where I really dont care what you guys think. Im so done with this post...lol
 
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Boyzmomee replied to Jaimarie_109's response:
If you choose to post on a forum you might get resposnes.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to Jaimarie_109's response:
I never said anything about "abuse" either.

If you don't want other people's opinions, perhaps a discussion forum is not for you.

I really don't question your ability to be aggressive. You've stated that you already are.... with your children.
 
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Boyzmomee replied to phoenix31674's response:
I think people take the "risk' because they lack other disciplinary skills.

No, hitting and discipinary violence will not help this girl come to terms with her changing body and assist her in dealing appropriately with menstruation.
 
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Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
We have two different discussions going on here. Please be respectful to the original poster and help her family solve a problem.

In regards to spanking/not spanking - ALWAYS will be a hot topic. Please feel free to start a new discussion, but no disrespect or rudeness will be tolerated. This community is a place where members find support, friendship and share ideas. Sometimes to keep the peace you just have to agree to disagree. :)

Elizabeth
 
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Jaimarie_109 replied to Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff's response:
Yes I understand that, but I hate when people act like whoopings are a big deal....Its really not. But like you said spanking and not spanking is ALWAYS a hot topic.....maybe I should post a discusion to where I can get other peoples opinion. And to the original poster, I do apologize if I seem to take things the wrong way.


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