Parenting: Preteens & Teenagers Community

I understand the spanking but dont rule out the time outs!!! You have to show your kids different ways but I wouldnt start with spanking!!! You are your own person but just think outside the box!!!

Yeah I understand that, and I never said this was the only way I was disciplined or the only way I would discipline my child, My mother also gave us time to exlain ourselves, and if we were in the wrong, we got a spanking, if not, we had nothing to worry about, and im glad I got spankings growing up, because I would be a very mean and disrespectful person. I never listened growing up, and was very "hard headed" as we call it. But its nothing but tough love....me and my siblings know our mother loves us dearly and she has always told us that after we were discplined. But we knew what the consequences were if we did something wrong, so why get in trouble knowing you were going to get a spanking? At the a very young age, I stop getting spankings because I knew right from wrong, and I knew not to have tantrums. When kids know their not going to like the consequences, they tend to not act out. Take that in consideration..

I here what you are saying and I know kids should know what is right and what is wrong but you have your opinion and I have mine!!! Acting out is not welcome but explaining to them what they did is very helpful too. I may spank my child but that is the last thing on my list!! Consider that!!!

Ok and your still not listening, I clearly stated that I would give my child a chance to explain the reason for their actions. But come on now, your an adult, and a child knows when they've done something wrong. Even a parent knows when their child has done something wrong, and they dont even have to say anything. Yes I would let them know what they did was wrong and then discipline them. But it only take a certain amount of spankings before your child really knows what the deal is, they will get tired of gettitng spankings, so then that way you want have to worry about them getting out of hand, and then it just will eliminate the whiole silliness of time out...lol :-)

Okay, you asked, so i'm going to reply. Maybe you will read it this time.

I am not opposed to the occasional attention getting swat, but it would be just that - a single small swat to get her attention. I've not done it and hope not to. I am opposed to a 'whooping' - which I define as repeated blows from a hand, belt, paddle, switch, whatever.

IMO a whooping teaches a child that violence is an acceptable way to control someone. It also teaches them to fear the person hitting them. Violence is never the answer to personal problems. a child under the age of about 3 doesn't really understand what they are getting hit for and over that, you can find other ways to teach them something is wrong from taking away toys and privileges to time outs. Yes it may be a little more time consuming or intensive on the part of the parent, but I think long term it reaps better benefits.

Granted plenty of folks were 'whooped' as kids and turned out fine, but there are still many who have gone on to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, whether against their child, significant other or animals. There are also those who bear the emotional scars of their parents' discipline style. There is a woman who posted in the main Parenting Community about how the fact she was whooped by her parents has left her an emotional wreck unable to have a decent relationship with others. There is just no way to know how physical punishment will be received by the child. I could never live with the guilt if my child grew up to be an abuser, animal tormentor or have attachment issues.

DD got into a bunch of DH's modeling paint - which is partly his fault for not locking the office or putting the paint away, but she has repeatedly been told not to go in there or touch his stuff. He let loose and swatted her hard 3 or 4 times. It took several hours before she would be near him without breaking down. He felt horrible about having hit her after seeing the utter fear in her eyes - she was terrified of him because he had hit her. This to me cements that hitting your child is not right. Your child is someone you should be loving and protecting, not making fear you.

Raising children is not easy. It involves give and take by both parent and child and lots of work by both sides to set and enforce boundaries.

Overall taking away privileges and time outs have worked pretty effectively. She is relatively well behaved for her age.

Like I said, I'm not saying that a swat has no place and of course I see nothing wrong with slapping hands or pushing your child away from danger when that's the only choice you have, but the message sent by using frequent whoopings is not a positive one. Do what I say or I will hit you is not something that you can do at any other place in society - then how does it make it right to do something to your child that you cannot do to a coworker or other acquaintance?

and even before the latest 'touchy feely' phase of parenting that some may decry as putting the kids in control, plenty of parents raised their kids without physical discipline. I was born in the mid-70s and not hit and my parents both born in 1950 were not hit and we all turned out fine.

I understand everything you said, but I still have my opinions and you have yours. Im not saying what your doing is wrong, and I dont want you to say whooping your child is wrong either, obviously its not making them grow up to be violent, because were both fine right....i wa whooped as a child, you werent, were both adults, and were both just fine, and Ive never been a violent person....and on the other hand it takes a lot to make me mad, because im the type of person that can take alot until I just explode. But thanks for your feedback anyways.

I've not delved into studies enough to know if there are studies linking being spanked as a child to domestic violence. I know that not every child spanked would turn to domestic violence. I know that by and large most kids who are spanked turn out fine. But I do know there is a link between growing up in a house with domestic violence and then going on to commit it later in life because all they know (especially little boys) is that you hit your woman if she doesn't behave the way you want her to and that with women if your mom was beat you are likely to see getting beat as normal.

I say that violence is not the best choice as someone who served 14 years in the military, but even in the military we prefer deterrence to actual violence. I do recognize that in some cases violence is necessary, but it should truly be the last resort. I know that comparing spanking to war is a huge stretch and I am not saying they are on the same scale.

i do just think that some children are going to be more emotionally fragile than others and something that could crumble that should be avoided.

Well, you must not know what i'm saying about the parent explaining to the child but to each is to their own!!!! You do it your way and I will surely try to go the other way other than spanking!! No one way is wrong but you cant put someone else way down or didnt you know that!!! Open-minded is the key!!!

And your right, I just didnt like the fact that you guys think is so wrong to spank your kids. But its okay. Were both stuck in our ways and I dont think were going to come to an agreement, so its just best that we leave it alone.....I must admit this is a hot topic.....lol :-) I like you though, cause you stand behind what you believe in!`

Go's both ways!!! No matter if we disagree on a subject such as this one, its very important to go for what you believe in!!! I do understand what you are saying and will take that into consideration!!! Every chance we get, I believe learning other ways to do things will be helpful to anyone who is open-minded as I always say!! Best of Luck!!!

Thanks :-)

"I wa whooped as a child... and I've never been a violent person..."

I think you may be missing the point. You say you were "whooped" as a child; therefore you have grown up to be a parent who "whoops" her children. That is where the whole "violence begets violence" theory can be applied. Call it what you want (whooping, spanking, hitting, smacking, etc.), it's still a form of violence.

Not sure how the strikethrough text happened in my post above, but you can still read what it says. Sorry about that!!

Noooo, I never said I whoop my child, my child is only 5months old, I said I was whooped as a child, and you call it what you want, its not violence to me and a whole lot of other people....we can have to the conclusion that everybody discipline their own kids in their own ways. You just repeated the same thing another woman said, and I guess I just had to repeat myself all over again huh?