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    please help, im afraid
    vane_melissa posted:
    i am the custodial guardian of my 11yr old step-daughter. she has FAS. her mother didnt think twice about drinking or doing certain drugs while pregnant.over the past few years, things have gone from ok to terrifing with her. my husband(her father) and i have a 2yr old together and each have another child from other relationships. our problems with her start with inapropriate contact with the other children and our pets.when our son was a newborn, she left scars on his legs from clawing him up in the backseat of the car in her attempt to "help us" by waking im up to give him a bottle. she tried to kill 2 cats of ours which i wont go in to , we had another cat die under mysterious cirrcumstances. the pet thing got so bad we had to get rid of them for their safety.just today, while watching a friends puppy, the 2yr old steped in poo and began to freak, she thought this was hysterical, she grabbed his arm, draged him backwards and showed him to her sisters the whole time hurting him and laughing while my son was covered in poo from knees down.I was in the bathroom at the time and rushed out asap. now, she has been in counceling, and medication. i have tried every reward for good behavior, time outs and all dicipline that was suggested to me for when she done wrong. PLEASE HELP ME HELP THIS CHILD!!! i stand alone in my attempts to help her and my next step is gonna be placement in to a group home with kids that are way worse. i dont wanna do that but i feel no choice may be left. i will try anything at least once if anybody has any ideas. im begging.
    momuv4girls responded:
    I am so very sorry for the struggles in your family and your young step-daughter. You are right to be concerned.

    Has your step-daughter seen a child psychiatrist ?? She needs a good one, and fast.

    What meds is she on, and besides FAS, what is her diagnosis?

    Do you live near a major city with a good hospital?

    Please write back, I'm happy to help with local resources if you give me your city/state.

    Anon_475 responded:
    Has she been analyzed for a diagnosis? If not start there? Once a child has been diagnosed you will find that there is a lot of help out there. Please don't give up on her. The chances are that once diagnosed she will have therapy and meds to help her.
    vane_melissa replied to momuv4girls's response:
    yes she actually has seen one. they cant really seem to get anywhere with her though. they go around and around and around. her FAS was diagnosed through women and childrens hospital of buffalo's genetic clinic.i have had her in group counceling, and one on one, and she has seen many kinds of doctors. all they tell me is that she has the deep comprehension of a kindergardner. i am just so tired of it all. i find myself yelling at her alot and that is a big source of drama between my husband and i. i am ready to pack up and move out on him because he refuses to help me other than to tell me im doing it all wrong. i know that some of her behavior has to do with the not so stable house this seems to be becoming but NOBODY WILL HELP ME WITH HER. if i moved out, he would be forced to stand up and be a father to his kids, right? i dont know what my next step will be but i think i may have to make some tough choices for my sons wellbeing. he may be in danger if i keep letting this continue as is.
    vane_melissa replied to Anon_475's response:
    yes, she has. they tell me she has fetal alcohol syndrome, and ADD. they have tried all the newest medications, and no meds at all. she has been in every kind of therapy thats available for somebody her age. she tells tem what tey want to hear and tey know tat so she has been unable to make any progress.
    Boyzmomee replied to vane_melissa's response:
    Do not sacrifice the health, well being and safety of the other children in your home for your step-daughter. This is not an issue about "giving up" but about protecting your other children.

    If you believe their safety is in danger from your step-daughter you would either need to remove your step-daughter to a placement where she can get the safety, structure and treatment she needs or you will need to take your other children and leave.

    There are very good residential treatment centers where your step daughter can get the help she needs.
    vane_melissa replied to Boyzmomee's response:
    it is a matter of their safety. I have been stupid in the past when i was young and left my daughter in my mothers care for several years, i am no longer willing to put him, or his children before my own. i love my step daughter, i am the only real mother she has known. I have shown her how to read, write, ride a bike, tie her shoes, had "the talk", ive been with her since infancy..I have been there for every important step in her life and have missed out on my own daughters milestones.BUT... without me, my step daughter really has nobody that will help her or be there for her. My husband keeps saying hes not willing to choose between his kids and its wrong of me to try and force him to do so. I dont want to take my son from his father, and he just adores his big sister. but while she is supposed to be teaching him how to grow up, shes teaching him to hit, swear, break things, hurt animals, throw my ferret out our second story window. i am so afraid to break up my family, shes was already abandoned by one mother. I dont know if i could send her away even if its for help. she wouldnt see it tat way. I am so lost right now.
    Boyzmomee replied to vane_melissa's response:
    I am working right now with a mother on placing her 17 year old son.

    Please don't look at it as "breaking up the family." It sounds as if your step daughter needs more than any parents can provide... she needs intensive treatment.

    As an adult, it is up to you to protect your other children. Don't sacrifice their safety or their childhood for another child whose father refuses to seek the help she needs.

    Children who display the symptoms you describe here are seriously emotionally disturbed and deserve the help they need even if it is not in their own home. If she had cancer or diabetes you and her father would get help, yes? Why not with emotional/behavioral problems? Any child who behaves as she does is not a happy child. Why let her suffer when there is help available?
    Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Hi Melissa,

    Just checking in to see how you are doing.

    Please let us know how things are going,
    Boyzmomee replied to Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Yes, I would like to hear from her too. She is experiencing a very difficult/stressful situation and being pulled multiple ways.

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