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beckyatmoms posted:
I have a wonderful 11 (almost 12) year old son. He just started middle school this year. He does have a cell phone, mainly so we can get in touch with him when he is outside. Anyway, since he started middle school he has had a few "girlfriends." I know some of you may object but I occasionally look at his text messages. With the last girl and this newest girl I have found some seriously inappropriate texts. The first girl was attempting to incite a fight between my son and another boy. The second (and current) girl is WAY more concerning. She sent him a message saying she wanted them to "make out" and she wanted him to "kiss her neck and boobs."!!!! I was floored! They are only 11!!!! When I check for my son's responses to these things he kind of just blows them off without saying too much.

I have tried talking to him and explaining it's a lot easier to say things via text message that you would normally never say. I also remind him he is only 11. This time I told him if he gets messages that he knows are inappropriate then he needs to let those people know not to send them or he will be losing his texting privileges. I just feel kinda bad doing that because he isn't the one initiating these things.

Anyone else out there had this experience and if so, how did you handle this?
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momuv4girls responded:
I too have an 11 year old (and 3-daughters in college). IMHO, 11 is too young to have a phone with texting capabilities.

As you mentioned, it is way too easy to say and send things over a phone.

Your son may or may not take your advice to let those people know not to send him inappropriate messages, and I would bet for every inappropriate message you saw, there were probably 10-or more that you didn't. Besides he will probably learn real quick how to erase the texts he doesn't want you to see (if he hasn't already).

Just my opinion though. Take care,
-Kathleen
 
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Boyzmomee responded:
My son had and has both text and phone capabilites since age 11. He is now 14. I occasionally check his texts. I like the text feature.

I really don't see the difference between texting and calling. By the way, I'd possibly show the texts to her parents if it seems like they would respond appropriately.
 
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TBurks1168 responded:
Dear beckyatmoms,

My husband and I had a similar experience with our 14 y/o son. We recently allowed him to have a very simple phone so that he would be able to communicate with us and close friends while out of the house. He also had a couple girls send the same type texts as well as pictures that made me blush! We immediately informed him exactly what was inappropriate and why. Because our son replied in a way that was encouraging, we immediately had the capability to send and receive any pictures, videos, etc. blocked from the phone. We check his phone daily and will continue to do so. We also spoke to the girls parents to inform them of the type of texting she was doing, and that our son would no longer be able to attend any social functions with her based on her behaviors shown in her texts. That may be extreme, but these kids have their whole lives to worry about adult crap, and they need to be kids and enjoy that as long as they can, and we can! Our kids are worth "parenting", whether they like it or not!
 
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TBurks1168 replied to momuv4girls's response:
I agree! That is so true, and we told our son before we handed him the phone that we can see every call, every text on our bill and account online! The internet was blocked from the beginning, and it didn't take long to have the pic and video capabilities blocked. Initially from things others sent him. We are "old school" parents functioning in today's problems! He is the youngest (14) of five. He isn't able to get away with much of anything!
 
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beckyatmoms responded:
I agree with all of you. My son believes that we have access to all his text messages, so that is good. My main concern is these girls. I just can't believe the things they text! They are only 11!!! I thought about talking to her mother but I'm not sure that is the right thing to do. I also don't want to "punish" my son by taking the texting away since he really hasn't done anything wrong.

I guess there really is not concrete answer to this problem. I can't believe I am dealing with this already
 
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tothebeach4 replied to beckyatmoms's response:
Instead of taking texting away completely, you could look into blocking this particular girl from calling or texting his phone. That way you wouldn't feel like you're punishing him since he didn't initiate or encourage the texting.

Also, you maybe want to think about saying something to this girl's parents. I'm sure if you approached them as a concerned parent they would be receptive. I would absolutely want to know if my son or daughter were sending inappropriate text/picture messages.


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