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teen relationships
sara042778 posted:
ok, I am the mother to a 14 year old girl. she is absolutely beautiful and well liked. she never has a problem with boys flocking to her, even though I do! she dated a "bad boy' for 8 months and it was a roller coaster. after they finally broke up, she vowed to make better choices. after a few months of being single (but with a lot of contact on facebook, etc.) she was re-introduced to a family friend that was a great kid. after about a moth, its like a light switch turned off. in the beginning, they were just giddy. we all liked him very much and hoped the relationship would thrive. then one morning, she woke up and was 'bored' with him and had lost all feelings for him. when asked, she said she didn't know what happened. we were all a lil devasted, but chalked it up to more bad decisions. then recently, she saw a boy she used to go to school with and sparks flew. they knew each other well, and he had liked her for years, but she was beginning to see him in a new light. they hung out a little, and she told him she really likes him, but wanted to just hang out and build a friendship before they actually dated because she isn't great in relationships. he agreed. then 2 days later he asked her to go out with him and she got so mad! she told him not to rush her and they had already decided to just hang out first. when i talked to her, she sounded irrate, just like the last guy. she just seemed annoyed.
I am a very plugged in mom because I want to guide her thru the teen years as smooth as possible. I am trying to understand why she is feeling like she does. She easily forgives friends or boys that wrong her, but a nice guy can't catch a break with her. I don't want her to flock to bad boys because she is a good girl. should I ban her from dating all together or continue to help her understand why her feelings turn off and on like that? I hate to see her burn so many bridges, and don't want to see these boys hurt. She basically could snap her fingers and have 10 guys in line, which I didn't experience as a teen. so it is hard for me to understand. I was hoping someone could help me to understand her ways so i can help her thru these dating years!!!!!
Anon_475 responded:
I suggest you step back and stop trying to micro-manage her life. Dating is for finding the right one - she's weeding out the wrong ones quite effectively. She'll find the right one soon enough and at 14 she should be in no hurry.

I hope you're putting as much energy into ensuring she works hard at school and that all these "boys" aren't distracting her.
sara042778 replied to Anon_475's response:
thanks! she is an honor student and a star athlete, so I'm not so worried about that. I just don't want her to get a reputation so young. I want to try to get her to be 'alone' for awhile. I don't want her to rely on guys to make her feel good about herself. is it weird that she is SO interested in boys so soon? I also feel like she has had it set in her mind a few times to be single, until some guy comes along and is nice to her. Is that a problem with restraint?
Anon_475 replied to sara042778's response:
No, it's not weird for her to be interested in boys so soon. All you can do is tell her that boys are taking up way too much of her time and energy and that you'd rather she waited until she were more mature to get involved with the. And then ban dating until she's 16. It's not a questio of restraint - it's a question of you setting boundaries. If you don't want her to do something then don't let her have the means of doing it. You're the boss.

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