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Siblings who look different
jamhi75 posted:
I have two sons, both mixed Mexican and white. They are less than a year apart in age. But one looks very Mexican and the other looks very white. They don't know much about being different, because they have been brothers since little. But I hear comments from my mother about the darker one, how everyone can tell he is not white. And i hear comments from my MIL about how pale the other one is and I need to get him more sun. They just started school and the teachers say, we didn't realize they were brothers! How do I react to these (hopefully) benign comments? I don't want to go on a racial tirade, but sometimes I feel like it hurts my kids feelings and I know it hurts mine. One is not more or less than the other, yet they get profiled differently. Any thoughts or similar feelings from any one else? What do you do?
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Siblings who look differentI have two sons, both mixed Mexican and white. They are less than a year apart in age. But one looks very Mexican and the other looks very white. They don't know much about being different, because they have been brothers since little. But I hear comments from my mother about the darker one, how everyone can tell he is not white. And i hear comments from my MIL about how pale the other one is and I need to get him more sun. They just started school and the teachers say, we didn't realize they were brothers! How do I react to these (hopefully) benign comments? I don't want to go on a racial tirade, but sometimes I feel like it hurts my kids feelings and I know it hurts mine. One is not more or less than the other, yet they get profiled differently. Any thoughts or similar feelings from any one else? What do you do?
kfitz responded:
I think its normal for one of them to have your skin tone and the other to have his dad's skin tone, but I would just let your mother and MIL know that by telling your lighter son he needs more sun or the darker one that he is clearly not white is going to give them a complex and you don't want to point out those differences. Your son's are perfect the way they are and shouldn't be told anything different. I think the teacher's comment probably was benign like you said, but I would nip the other comments in the bud quick.
Report This| Share this:Siblings who look differentI think its normal for one of them to have your skin tone and the other to have his dad's skin tone, but I would just let your mother and MIL know that by telling your lighter son he needs more sun or the darker one that he is clearly not white is going to give them a complex and you don't want to point out those differences. Your son's are perfect the way they are and shouldn't be told anything different. I think the teacher's comment probably was benign like you said, but I would nip the other comments in the bud quick.
I have three bi-racial kids and they all have opposite features one is darker then his dad but has completely straight hair, one is very yellow and has African american hair all the way, and our daughter looks completely white. all same dad! with so many drastic differences between him and I our kids could have come out any kind of way. then again my friends is black and her kids are too but her youngest one is much lighter then the other 4 so her husband had a fit (with his mothers help) and had the baby tested and everything! She felt so misused, they had been married for 8 years at the time. I guess the point is that people are allowed to think what they want but to act on assumptions never works out. Leave them babies alone they are perfect as they are! 
Report This| Share this:Siblings who look differentI have three bi-racial kids and they all have opposite features one is darker then his dad but has completely straight hair, one is very yellow and has African american hair all the way, and our daughter looks completely white. all same dad! with so many drastic differences between him and I our kids could have come out any kind of way. then again my friends is black and her kids are too but her youngest one is much lighter then the other 4 so her husband had a fit (with his mothers help) and had the baby tested and everything! She felt so misused, they had been married for 8 years at the time. I guess the point is that people are allowed to think what they want but to act on assumptions never works out. Leave them babies alone they are perfect as they are! <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/pbpt.gif" align="top" border="0">
My daughter is mixed but people tell me all the time the only reason they know that is because they know my husband and I, she is very fair skinned, not completely white but not very dark and her hair is very curly but not african american textured. I don't get why people just want to classify children by their skin tone, my daughter is beautiful in her own right and she has features of both myself and my husband. I did have a woman say that she is used to mixed babies being ugly, I was so offended but in shock that she would say that so I didn't come up with a good response but if my temper was what it was a few years ago I would have decked her! I just wonder if people ever think about the kids feelings!
Report This| Share this:Siblings who look differentMy daughter is mixed but people tell me all the time the only reason they know that is because they know my husband and I, she is very fair skinned, not completely white but not very dark and her hair is very curly but not african american textured. I don't get why people just want to classify children by their skin tone, my daughter is beautiful in her own right and she has features of both myself and my husband. I did have a woman say that she is used to mixed babies being ugly, I was so offended but in shock that she would say that so I didn't come up with a good response but if my temper was what it was a few years ago I would have decked her! I just wonder if people ever think about the kids feelings!
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