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Am I wrong??
An_221542 posted:
I posted this in the Single Parents... But seems there are no activities. So I'm going to post it here. I have a 2 year old daughter who hasn't seen her father since August of 2009 so that's almost 2 years that he hasn't tried to contact me or try to come see her. He saw her when she was 8 months old (the very last time) and if he ever comes around again, I was going to introduce my daughter to him as his name instead of saying "Oh hey babe this is your dad... " We left on bad terms b/c he threw a fit b/c I didn't put me and my daughter's lives on "pause" for him so he could see her for 2 seconds b/c he was on house arrest. He yelled and yelled and yelled! I feel that when we speak to eachother again, I feel he should apologize for disrespecting me for whatever reasons, and for not being in her life as he said in the beginning (which I KNEW he was lying) He did tell me he was going to terminate his rights but someone told him that it's his responsibility to take care of his kids and not abandon them. So obviously he couldn't think for himself. I would be more than OK if he termintated his rights. I knew I was in on raising my baby by myself. Sooo..... do you guys think I'm wrong if he ever came around again and I introduced my daughter to him as his first name and then later on if he's still in the picture, tell her he's her father? I just dont think he deserves to be called "dad" since he left her hanging and only came around so I wouldn't call Child Support on him.. b/c look at where he is now?...... Not in the picture. which btw .... he only came to see her once in a while from when she was 6 months to 8 months... for atleast 20 mins a visit... if that....
7 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??I posted this in the Single Parents... But seems there are no activities. So I'm going to post it here. I have a 2 year old daughter who hasn't seen her father since August of 2009 so that's almost 2 years that he hasn't tried to contact me or try to come see her. He saw her when she was 8 months old (the very last time) and if he ever comes around again, I was going to introduce my daughter to him as his name instead of saying "Oh hey babe this is your dad... " We left on bad terms b/c he threw a fit b/c I didn't put me and my daughter's lives on "pause" for him so he could see her for 2 seconds b/c he was on house arrest. He yelled and yelled and yelled! I feel that when we speak to eachother again, I feel he should apologize for disrespecting me for whatever reasons, and for not being in her life as he said in the beginning (which I KNEW he was lying) He did tell me he was going to terminate his rights but someone told him that it's his responsibility to take care of his kids and not abandon them. So obviously he couldn't think for himself. I would be more than OK if he termintated his rights. I knew I was in on raising my baby by myself. Sooo..... do you guys think I'm wrong if he ever came around again and I introduced my daughter to him as his first name and then later on if he's still in the picture, tell her he's her father? I just dont think he deserves to be called "dad" since he left her hanging and only came around so I wouldn't call Child Support on him.. b/c look at where he is now?...... Not in the picture. which btw .... he only came to see her once in a while from when she was 6 months to 8 months... for atleast 20 mins a visit... if that....
CRhodes2511 responded:
I am sure you are frustrated. My only advice would be to do what you think is best for your daughter and try your hardest to keep your emotions/feelings outside of her perspective. She is young now and probably doesn't get it but there will come a time when she wants to know about her dad and that will be difficult for you and her.
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??I am sure you are frustrated. My only advice would be to do what you think is best for your daughter and try your hardest to keep your emotions/feelings outside of her perspective. She is young now and probably doesn't get it but there will come a time when she wants to know about her dad and that will be difficult for you and her.
ImMe26 replied to CRhodes2511's response:
I share 3 kids with my ex husband. Because of his fiance, he denied paternity of MY son. Long story short, yes he is the father (I already knew that...DUH!) after we did a paternity test for CS.
He never "claimed" my son, doesnt know him AT all, and he has a very tiny if at all relationship with our daughters.
He left him high and dry, and my son now has a "daddy" that has been there all along, im grateful but one of my biggest fears is having to sit him down and explain all this to him one day.
I can see him asking "So you mean to tell me all those times he came to get Mya & Shy , he just walked right by me knowing im HIS son and did nothing?".....My answer will be "Yes baby ,by no fault of yours"....and " You have a daddy and its unfortunate that your bio dad missed out ,but it was his choice"....What he does with the info after that point , is up to him.....It is ssooo scary though, just thought of it all now...UGH.
He never "claimed" my son, doesnt know him AT all, and he has a very tiny if at all relationship with our daughters.
He left him high and dry, and my son now has a "daddy" that has been there all along, im grateful but one of my biggest fears is having to sit him down and explain all this to him one day.
I can see him asking "So you mean to tell me all those times he came to get Mya & Shy , he just walked right by me knowing im HIS son and did nothing?".....My answer will be "Yes baby ,by no fault of yours"....and " You have a daddy and its unfortunate that your bio dad missed out ,but it was his choice"....What he does with the info after that point , is up to him.....It is ssooo scary though, just thought of it all now...UGH.
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??I share 3 kids with my ex husband. Because of his fiance, he denied paternity of MY son. Long story short, yes he is the father (I already knew that...DUH!) after we did a paternity test for CS. <br /> <br />He never "claimed" my son, doesnt know him AT all, and he has a very tiny if at all relationship with our daughters. <br /> <br />He left him high and dry, and my son now has a "daddy" that has been there all along, im grateful but one of my biggest fears is having to sit him down and explain all this to him one day.<br /> <br />I can see him asking "So you mean to tell me all those times he came to get Mya & Shy , he just walked right by me knowing im HIS son and did nothing?".....My answer will be "Yes baby ,by no fault of yours"....and " You have a daddy and its unfortunate that your bio dad missed out ,but it was his choice"....What he does with the info after that point , is up to him.....It is ssooo scary though, just thought of it all now...UGH.
kfitz responded:
In my opinion I would file for child support. You have the right to have money to help pay for her care from her father. Even if you just put all that money into an account for your daughter when she gets older. You aren't proving anything by not taking his money. Maybe if you did this he would start coming around more since he would be reminded of his daughter every paycheck. I think it would be best for your daughter to know her father provided she is safe around him. I agree with the pp that you should try to put your feeling for him aside. (I know - easier said than done.) I think it may be confusing if she learns that "Bob" is her dad when she gets older, and it will probably infuriate her dad if you referred to him as that. You could refer to him as her "father" instead which is a more biological term than the endearing "dad". Unfortunately if you try to keep him from her it may come back on you when she gets older. I would try to encourage the relationship and DEFINATELY file for support.
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??In my opinion I would file for child support. You have the right to have money to help pay for her care from her father. Even if you just put all that money into an account for your daughter when she gets older. You aren't proving anything by not taking his money. Maybe if you did this he would start coming around more since he would be reminded of his daughter every paycheck. I think it would be best for your daughter to know her father provided she is safe around him. I agree with the pp that you should try to put your feeling for him aside. (I know - easier said than done.) I think it may be confusing if she learns that "Bob" is her dad when she gets older, and it will probably infuriate her dad if you referred to him as that. You could refer to him as her "father" instead which is a more biological term than the endearing "dad". Unfortunately if you try to keep him from her it may come back on you when she gets older. I would try to encourage the relationship and DEFINATELY file for support.
An_221543 responded:
I like kfitz's idea of calling him her father instead of dad. If you are up front with her now, there won't be any scary secretes that have to come out later. However, if you don't want this guy around your daughter follow your intuition. If he has been yelling at you guys he sound like he could be abusive and maybe it is better if he is not in the picture. Good luck!
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??I like kfitz's idea of calling him her father instead of dad. If you are up front with her now, there won't be any scary secretes that have to come out later. However, if you don't want this guy around your daughter follow your intuition. If he has been yelling at you guys he sound like he could be abusive and maybe it is better if he is not in the picture. Good luck!
An_221544 responded:
Child Support has been in the picture since day 1 when I found out I was pregnant.
Just an update: I've been attending his CS reviews and he'd say he has a job starting that week, and I'll get a little here and there, and the payments would stop. I've probably gone to 3 of his reviews and finally got sick of going b/c it's the same thing over and over, so I decided to not attend. A week later, I called CS and asked what had happened at his Review, and he didn't appear by phone. There was or is a warrant for his arrest. I'm not sure if he's locked up somewhere for his reason for not appearing by phone. I don't get it, b/c when he's locked up for back pay CS, what good does that do me? I'm not getting any $ while he's sitting in or out of jail.
Oh trust me on this: I leave my feelings outside of my daughter and his relationship if they had 1. I've always put her first, and I've always told him, she doesnt deserve the "hate" or "dislikes" between him and i and we need to be civil for her. and I've always been civil. When I was sick and didn't go to work, I did call him to let him know I wasn't working and he could drop by to see her. He did, but didn't stay long. As usual.
Anyway, as of now, I called him a billion times in May of this year, and figured maybe he's at work and his phone is turned off, I'll try later. I'll try later, and it would automatically go straight to vmail. so I finally left a message. Till this day, I still haven't gotten a call back.
Just an update: I've been attending his CS reviews and he'd say he has a job starting that week, and I'll get a little here and there, and the payments would stop. I've probably gone to 3 of his reviews and finally got sick of going b/c it's the same thing over and over, so I decided to not attend. A week later, I called CS and asked what had happened at his Review, and he didn't appear by phone. There was or is a warrant for his arrest. I'm not sure if he's locked up somewhere for his reason for not appearing by phone. I don't get it, b/c when he's locked up for back pay CS, what good does that do me? I'm not getting any $ while he's sitting in or out of jail.
Oh trust me on this: I leave my feelings outside of my daughter and his relationship if they had 1. I've always put her first, and I've always told him, she doesnt deserve the "hate" or "dislikes" between him and i and we need to be civil for her. and I've always been civil. When I was sick and didn't go to work, I did call him to let him know I wasn't working and he could drop by to see her. He did, but didn't stay long. As usual.
Anyway, as of now, I called him a billion times in May of this year, and figured maybe he's at work and his phone is turned off, I'll try later. I'll try later, and it would automatically go straight to vmail. so I finally left a message. Till this day, I still haven't gotten a call back.
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??Child Support has been in the picture since day 1 when I found out I was pregnant. <br /> <br />Just an update: I've been attending his CS reviews and he'd say he has a job starting that week, and I'll get a little here and there, and the payments would stop. I've probably gone to 3 of his reviews and finally got sick of going b/c it's the same thing over and over, so I decided to not attend. A week later, I called CS and asked what had happened at his Review, and he didn't appear by phone. There was or is a warrant for his arrest. I'm not sure if he's locked up somewhere for his reason for not appearing by phone. I don't get it, b/c when he's locked up for back pay CS, what good does that do me? I'm not getting any $ while he's sitting in or out of jail. <br /> <br /> <br />Oh trust me on this: I leave my feelings outside of my daughter and his relationship if they had 1. I've always put her first, and I've always told him, she doesnt deserve the "hate" or "dislikes" between him and i and we need to be civil for her. and I've always been civil. When I was sick and didn't go to work, I did call him to let him know I wasn't working and he could drop by to see her. He did, but didn't stay long. As usual. <br /> <br />Anyway, as of now, I called him a billion times in May of this year, and figured maybe he's at work and his phone is turned off, I'll try later. I'll try later, and it would automatically go straight to vmail. so I finally left a message. Till this day, I still haven't gotten a call back.
An_221545 replied to An_221544's response:
I've asked her a couple times, if she wanted to call her dad or go to her dads or see her dad and she says no. I do not talk bad about him to her at all. I'm trying, but that's all I can do. She'll actually get upset b/c I ask. Sometimes I wonder if she knows what a "dad" is. She did say her daddy is up there (heaven)
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??I've asked her a couple times, if she wanted to call her dad or go to her dads or see her dad and she says no. I do not talk bad about him to her at all. I'm trying, but that's all I can do. She'll actually get upset b/c I ask. Sometimes I wonder if she knows what a "dad" is. She did say her daddy is up there (heaven)
miss_get_em_girl2011 responded:
Girl!!! Don't feel bad because you are doing what you need to do as a mother and he's not doing the same. First, lets talk about your selt. in men... he doesn't sound like he'd be a good father from the start (house arrest) and you knew deep down he wouldn't live up to his end of the bargin. I'm not bashing you because my child father/donor isn't much better himself.
What i did was stop making excuses for this man. You can't teach a man to be a man or father. Stop blaming yourself and when this man tries to reverse neg. this on you and tries to blame you for his absence and ect. Don't feed into his BS because that's the game most men play. I would intro. him by his first name and let him prove to you BOTH he's ready to be a "father/dad".
My advice to you is KEEP IT MOVING, pray, and look foward! Your life shouldn't and can't stop because of the bad choices this man has decided to make and now you can choose the way you handle/deal with this because your directly affected.
What i did was stop making excuses for this man. You can't teach a man to be a man or father. Stop blaming yourself and when this man tries to reverse neg. this on you and tries to blame you for his absence and ect. Don't feed into his BS because that's the game most men play. I would intro. him by his first name and let him prove to you BOTH he's ready to be a "father/dad".
My advice to you is KEEP IT MOVING, pray, and look foward! Your life shouldn't and can't stop because of the bad choices this man has decided to make and now you can choose the way you handle/deal with this because your directly affected.
Report This| Share this:Am I wrong??Girl!!! Don't feel bad because you are doing what you need to do as a mother and he's not doing the same. First, lets talk about your selt. in men... he doesn't sound like he'd be a good father from the start (house arrest) and you knew deep down he wouldn't live up to his end of the bargin. I'm not bashing you because my child father/donor isn't much better himself. <br /> <br />What i did was stop making excuses for this man. You can't teach a man to be a man or father. Stop blaming yourself and when this man tries to reverse neg. this on you and tries to blame you for his absence and ect. Don't feed into his BS because that's the game most men play. I would intro. him by his first name and let him prove to you BOTH he's ready to be a "father/dad".<br /> <br />My advice to you is KEEP IT MOVING, pray, and look foward! Your life shouldn't and can't stop because of the bad choices this man has decided to make and now you can choose the way you handle/deal with this because your directly affected.
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