Pregnancy: After 35 Community

Can I put another spin on this? I am the mother of a little girl who has Down Syndrome. You may well drive the specia needs bus but you don't see who those children really are. You are not exposed to their daily lives. Yes, most children with Down Syndrome have health problems but not all of them. Yes, they are a challenge but, trust me, the challenge is well worthwhile. Also, Did you know that there is a special adoption list for children who have DS? Yes, there are parents who actually WANT to give a special needs child a good life and these are people who choose to love a special needs child ...

I understand how hard it is to deal with the results of these tests but, really, it's worth taking the time to do a little research, breathe and think about it. I know it's hard. I've been where you are but ... it can be so very rewarding.It just seems so harsh to consider terminating a pregnancy just because the baby "might" not be how you want him/her to be. My daughter has no health problems, leads a normal life and has confidence in herself. She is 8 years old, goes to school, ballet classes, rock climbing ... I don't particularly care that she can't read as well as her peers. She is who she is and I love her unconditionally I have learned so much from her...

I see this was posted a month ago, so yeah I am late to see this, but I would still like to make a comment. First I would like to say that I am sorry for the test results you received for your baby. As another poster said, we all would like for nothing but good health for our little ones, but unfortunately that is not always the case. I would like to say I was pregnant with my first child at 35 and I always knew the risk of having a child at that age would increase the chances of DS, but of course I wanted a healthy baby. I always knew that I didnt want to have the amnio test done and I figured it was pointless anyways because I would have whatever God gave me anyway so why did I need to know. Thankfully, my daughter was born healthy. I am now pregnant with my second child at 37 (its a boy) and the same thing went for this pregnancy, whatever card I'm dealt, I would would live with it. When they took my initial blood test and the results showed positive for DS, of course my heart was racing, but once I got off the phone with the nurse, I was like "why am I nervous" I am still going to have the child and raise him, so if that is what I am dealt then so be it. After seeing a genetics doctor at the request of my OB and having a detailed ultrasound, the DS was pretty much ruled out. I said all that to say this, you should NOT feel that God is punishing you. God makes NO mistakes, and if your baby had DS, you should try to see the reward that God was blessing you with. You may have learned a lot from your child and the experience. There are support groups and other moms who have the same issues with their DS kids that you may have had and they may have been able to help you. I just wish that many of us would look beyond our own selfishness and try to see the other side of things. The fact that your first child had DS and that was with another male, and this one would have had it as well. It is not saying that you are the problem, perhaps you should look at it as God trying to tell you or show you something. If you decide to give it another try and the same results come back, why dont you try to go full term and have YOUR child that God blessed you with and learn what it is to learn about them. The fact that you are a special needs bus driver, perhaps God saw something in YOU in the way you are with the kids you transport and wanted you to be the one to help another child. I hope whatever happens in your future, maybe you should just try a different route. Good luck in whatever you decide!

You are lucky your child doesn't have any major heart problems. But besides being a bus driver I also know several families who have downs members. My brother in laws family for one. I know the stress this would put on our entire family. And being older who takes care of the child after my husband and I are no longer? It's not fair to force this on my two older son's or my step-son. Where I live they advertise for foster parents always making sure people know they get paid. Sorry but around here these kids are treated like crap they are just in homes for the money. I don't think it's fair to these kids who are put in these types of homes. I terminated because I know I can't handle 24hr a day 7days a week and never getting a break from dealing with the possible severe problems this child could have had. Also it would mean someone quits there job to stay home full time and end up loosing our house because it would be hard on one pay check. My area places here you can't find anyone willing to do childcare for a special needs infant. Yes I do see how love able they can be but how happy is any child when they spend most of their life in a hospital due to health problems. Again you are lucky not to have the other serious health issues.

You have the nerve to call me selfish! I don't think I was. This effected everyone in my family. Years down the road I'm supposed to force my older kids to become fulltime care givers to their brother because I choose to have another child with my new husband. I have a brother in law with it in his family. The cousins parents are dead! My brother in laws parents are now the care givers and they are having health issues. Now his parents want him and my sister to sign papers to become fulltime caregivers when the brother in laws parents can no longer. They can't afford to be a one income family either or they loose their house. Their two kids will not get to go to college either because now only one parent would get to work. Trish is also violent since her parents passed several years ago. She doesn't understand why they are gone. My brother in law and sister never asked to be put in this position. The group homes here are crap and I see the abuse that go's on and poor Trish may end up in one. My husband uncle has a mental illness and is in one. He comes with his wife who also has mental issues for visits and to sometimes see the shape their in and how staff treats them. And try a different route who made you judge and jury? We have genetics people here to advise us because of the health issues. Adoption is out and foster parenting! Again where I live the kids up for adoption come from crack whores who fried there kids brains doing drugs while pregnant. Then as the child grows they end up with all kinds of severe behavior problems. Most of the kids I drive didn't have to be special needs. They are this way due to mom's drugs and drinking habits. When was the last time you had a 5th grad er trie to stab you with a pencil because he didn't get his way and has all kinds of anger? His mom made him that way due to drugs and now other people try to raise him but he's only a pay check to them! If I can't handle a child with downs then I know I should not adopt any of these kids because I can't handle the seve behavior problems they will have. I still have hope for another child but we have not decided for sure if we will try again. If we do then again I will do the genetic testing. Our insurance will not cover IVF type stuff I looked into it. It was one way around not repeating this.

(((ladycolt))) Sorry you had to put up with this. Being the parent of a special needs child is hard and you are the only person who knows if it is for you. You clearly thought this out and did what was right by you and your family.

You pointed out that many people can't handle it and it's one of the reasons you see so many special needs kids in the system - the parents can't handle it. While there are foster families who truly are wonderful to these children and families that will specifically adopt them due to unconditional love and have that strong devotion, you have seen that not everyone feels that way.

Just wanted to let you know that not everyone thinks you are doomed or evil for making the decision you did.

Best wishes to you in the future.