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Frustrated with FIL
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rooni134 posted:
Hi Ladies,

Thought you could help me with this. My father in law has a really weird sense of humor, basically he has no boundaries. He thinks he is being funny, but he likes to pick on people by calling out on their insecurities.

I've seen him 3 times now since I got pregnant and all 3 times he has made some kind of joke about me getting fat. Infact when we told him I was pregnant, he said "I thought you were looking kind of chubby" and this easter he greeted me with "hey Chubby". Most people don't even know I am pregnant until I tell them and tell me I look good. Most of the weight I gained is on my belly. But anyways, even if I had gained lots of weight and looked it, how rude is it to say that to a pregnant woman? Its rude to say to anyone! He doesn't stop there. He keeps asking me how much weight I've gained! I try to laugh it off and say things like "hey I am growing a human being, what's your excuse? Or I've gained enough weight to make sure that your granddaughter is healthy" but he keeps at it. I don't know how much more I can take before I ask him what his problem is. the hormones definitely don't help.

So can you guys come up with smart comebacks I can say to him when he calls me chubby or asks me how much weight I've gained? I'd like to not lose my temper and the only way to have him back down is say something smart that he doesn't know what to say to. Next time he asks me how much weight I've gained, I am seriously going to tell him "well lets see, my uterus is probably about 2lbs, the placenta is about 1 lb, the baby is about 2.5 lbs, my BOOBS are getting ready to breastfeed, so they weight a couple of lbs more…do you need more details?"

Tx ladies!

Rooni
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beckyatmoms responded:
Girl I know exactly what you mean. My MIL is the same. When I was 17 weeks she told me I was "big" then on Easter she proceeded to tell me how my husbands uncle saw a picture of me on facebook and told her I look really big! My husband gave her a dirty look and she was like "what, what, I'm just relaying what he said." I mean REALLY!!! The funny thing is I am not as big as I could be. I am measuring 5 weeks ahead and from what I'm told with twins it's normal to measure anywhere from 4-8 weeks ahead and I have only gained 10 lbs! Even my SIL told her you are not supposed to say stuff like that to pregnant women.

I really think people like them will never change no matter what you say to them. I almost think it's like a jealousy thing. Has your DH said anything to him when he hears him say stuff like that to you? Personally I would ask DH to handle it and try to just ignore it. I know it's impossible but getting into a pissing match with your FIL is not going to do anything. Just know I feel your pain!
Becky (35) DH (31) DS (12) DSD (5) MFIF TTC 3 1/2 years
IVF 1 (2/10) BFN
IVF 2 (3/11) BFN
IVF 3 (12/11) BFP....TWINS....EDD 8/23/12...PINK TEAM!
 
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codysu responded:
Does he have his own weakness you could retaliate against? Like if he is losing his hair...reply to "hey chubby" with "hey cue ball"? The more adult way would be to just pull him aside (with your DH) and tell him that although you realize he is joking, it really hurts your feelings when you haven't gained much weight. And it is really rude for anybody to ask how much weight you have gained, how much you weigh, etc. etc. I am proud of you for not slapping him already! LOL But I agree that you might want to tell DH to intervene before you go off on him with the pregnancy hormones...because then, look out!

Becky, I'm sorry your MIL is saying that stuff too! What are people thinking? Especially family, you would think they would be more caring and sensitive than this. Sorry girls...I would have told them both off if it were me.
Cody 38, DH 45 - IVF 1-m/c @ 6wk, IVF 2 BFP 11-11-11! EDD 7-26-12 PINK Team!!
 
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rooni134 replied to beckyatmoms's response:
wow! that sucks! but i get how you feel. she is a woman, she should know how that feels...


i told my DH and he told me to ignore him. my FIL calls my husband fat all the time too and it really hurts his feelings. But i think he does it to him because its a competition and there is that jealously thing you are talking about.

my in laws have been really really generous with the baby and got us the crib, mattress, changing table, stroller, baby carrier, bedding, clothing and my SIL and MIL are even throwing me a baby shower so they are awesome. thats what i keep telling myself. i guess i'll just suck it up and try to keep positive.


Try to ignore your MIL. my own mother has this jealously thing with me, so i can understand. you're fabulous!
 
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rooni134 replied to codysu's response:
"hey cue ball" LOL. thats funny. hopefully he'll learn, but if not then maybe i will talk to him.


Thanks ladies, it really helps to talk about this. i feel better already
 
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beckyatmoms replied to rooni134's response:
My MIL is very generous too. She already bought a bunch of the expensive items on our registry and she provides us free daycare for our kids so I feel like I can't really say too much but it still doesn't make me feel any better when she does it

Just think, in about 3 months you'll be back to your pre-pregnancy self and he won't have anything to say!
Becky (35) DH (31) DS (12) DSD (5) MFIF TTC 3 1/2 years
IVF 1 (2/10) BFN
IVF 2 (3/11) BFN
IVF 3 (12/11) BFP....TWINS....EDD 8/23/12...PINK TEAM!
 
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jdfan14 responded:
Sorry to hear of this! People really can be so rude!

I have a family member who makes some comments also-they try to be funny but they are not. I think it gets to you b/c you work so hard to get to this point and I am so proud/glad to beat the odds and then having the negative comments just strips it away sometimes and these people know of infertilty struggles so it is amazing how they can be so rude now.

I dont know how your FIL would best respond but you can always try to educate him. Like tell him the facts and be serious about it. If that does not work then I know this is hard but just ignore him. People like that dont deserve your attention. You are most happy about it and dont let any rude person take that away from you.

Best wishes to you!
Me 33 PCOS, DH 36 low motility
September 2010 RE consult; need IVF
October 2010 through August 2011 cancelled cycles due to CMV
1st IVF September 2011-BFN
2nd IVF December 2011-BFP! TWINS!!


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