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Thoughts, fears, feelings...Part 2
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rooni134 posted:
(refer to part 1) My husband didnt touch my belly or even talk about the baby. I told him that it was me he should be upset with and not the baby. But he loves me too much to resent me, so he tried to pretend that this baby wasnt coming. slowly but surely his viewpoint changed. he began thinking about the baby more. he even chose her name. he began "nesting" with me and learning more about babies. he even went willingly with me to all the classes and made sure he was well informed. Since the beginning hes made a complete 180 and i think is more confident than i am! I still worry about my daughter and him bonding and i feel guilty that i forced him into something he wasnt ready for and i am afraid that he will resent our daughter because of it. Everyone says "oh just wait till he holds the baby and everything will change" and i pray to God thats true for my husband.
Two years ago my youngest sister, who was 16 at the time, came to live with my husband and I so she could finish high school (my parents live in another country). Unfortunately by the time she came to us, she was in full teenager mode. Snide, rude, irresponsible, lazy, and disrespectful are just some of the words i can use (she is 18 now asked us what her high school graduation gift budget was because she wanted a mac book pro for graduation... I should mention that for the past 2 years my husband and i have been financially supporting her completely and paying for private high school tuition. my parents arent helping us with anything financially). Needless to say the whole experience has been very negative for my husband and me. You would think that she is my sister so i would know to talk to her and guide her but she is a closed book who again is not used to any kind of communication, so any attempts to talk to her or teach her ended up in bad arguments.. so when we found out that we were having a girl, we both kind of panicked. what if our daughter is like my sister? Admittedly, i know this fear is very irrational because how i can compare a teenager who grew up with an absentee mother to a baby girl? As someone who was not only fortunate enough to get pregnant but to have a healthy baby, i should be crucified for even thinking about gender and believe me i feel extremely terrible about it. if i had a bratty brother instead of a bratty sister and i was having a boy would i feel the same? if i wasnt able to teach my sister, will i be able to teach my daughter? should i even be thinking that far ahead? i havent even had the baby yet and already i am dreading her teenage years?
I dont know about you ladies, but for us most people's initial excitement and happiness for us is always followed by horror stories about poopy diapers, sleepless nights, sick and colicky babies, and life changing experiences. "sleep now cuz you wont be sleeping when the baby comes" or "spend time with each other because you wont get to do that when the baby comes", or my favorite "hope you're happy because once you have em' you cant return em'!". No one tells us about the joyous moment when we will first hold our daughter or how she will hug us so tight that we will feel like the most powerful people in the world. No one tells us about how proud we will be when she walks or says her first words. I wonder if these people think before they speak. Lets tell brand new parents how difficult raising a baby will be. And its not just people but just the whole idea of having a baby is general. Look at how the media portrays it. Case and point, recent movie "What to expect when you are expecting". There is a scene in the movie where the fathers with the babies tell the new father to be to "stay on the other side, because this side is where happiness goes to die".

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