Thank you for your thoughts. I truly felt the support and the kindness from this board. I've been praying for the strength and courage to write this post.
Unfortunately, this past week we suffered a miscarriage. I had always thought that enduring infertility treatments was the worst it could ever get, but finding out that the little heartbeat had faded and the physical pain of a natural miscarriage topped all of that infertility pain. My emotions are frazzled and our hearts are broken. I am experiencing, one, by one all of the stages of grief. I can honestly say I've never felt like this before, it's so shameful and emotionally draining. I'm angry and have lost compassion for others, which is out of character for me. With that being said, each day gets brighter, and more hopeful. Luckily, we hadn't told anyone, but I'm not sure what's worse, telling everyone what your going through, or going through it in the dark. Wiping your tears before walking in the office in the morning and frequent fake smiles?
I'm open to answering any questions people have about natural miscarriage, as I could not find a lot of information about it, it was pretty traumatic for me, and wished I could have know what to expect.
This too shall pass, and I hope to be add my name again to the list, but for now, cheers, I'm going to enjoy a glass of Cabernet.
Unexplained infertility TTC for 3 years IUI 5 BFP Due January 9th, 2013
My heart goes out to you. Losing a child is such a painful experience. I've been praying for you. There's no good way to go through it whether others know or you are suffering in the dark. I've done it both ways and nothing really helps. It sounds like you are reaching a better place emotionally. Good luck as you continue your journey as you are ready. Looking forward to you joining this board.
I'm really sorry to hear this. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. I have also suffered a miscarriage and the pain and grief was overwhelming. I felt utterly hopeless for a long time. It did get better as the weeks and months passed, but I still think about my babies and what went wrong. I hope over time you can heal and find peace. I look forward to seeing your name again on this board.
Mindi(38), DH(35), 3 IUIs with injects bfn, 1st IVF bfn, 2 FETs bfn, 2nd IVF ectopic, 3rd IVF Jan/Feb '11 BFP!! MC March 'll. FET BFP Oct '11! Due July 5, 2012!!
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. We had a m/c after our first IVF, and it was truly heartbreaking. We had a lot of people who knew about our IVF, and I did feel it was hard to have to un-tell people who we had told about the pregnancy. At work, nobody knew but my boss. Eventually I did tell a few people, and it is nice to have that support when you are ready to talk about it. But initially I did not want to talk about it with anybody, and it was a long time before I felt like sharing that information. The interesting thing is that when you start feeling up to confiding in friends, you might discover than some of them have also experienced a miscarriage, and that is comforting to know that you are not alone. I felt it easiest to talk about it to other women who had also gone through a miscarriage.
I am sending you a big virtual hug and know that I am thinking of you and hoping that your pain and grief will pass with time. Take good care of yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. I hope you will be back on the list very soon.
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