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michelle063007 posted:
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here but I did spend quite a bit of time on the TTC after loss board. In June of 2011 we found out that I was pregnant for the first time. We were thrilled as we had been trying for almost a year. I went in for the initial consultation appt. and everything was fine. They scheduled an u/s for a few days later but I started spotting before the u/s. When they did it, there was no heartbeat. I had a D&C the next day. We were devistated but the doctors said it was just chromosomal and I was fine to try again. We despirately wanted a baby so we started trying again and I got pregnant again 2 months later...only to m/c again at around 6 weeks before any doctors appts or u/s or anything. I asked the doctors what was wrong with me but they insisted this was just bad luck and everything was fine. We started trying again and found out I was pregnant again about 5 months later--actually took the test on what would have been my first due date. We were elated...thought that was a sign that it was meant to be. Started feeling sick and sore breasts and everything. First u/s was great--strong h/b. Had another u/s at 9 weeks. Everything still looked fine. Then started spotting at 11 weeks 3 days. Went in to the doctor and had another u/s only to find out the baby stopped developing around 9 weeks. Scheduled a D&C for two days later but the next day at home I lost everything. DH rushed me to the hospital where I nearly passed out and they did a D&C to get any leftover tissue but they said the baby was gone. This led us into a variety of tests over this past summer--genetic tests, ultrasounds a HSG, bloodwork etc. After finally seeing a second specialist he told us he thinks I need a blood thinner to help the placenta attach properly. So, I was finally able to get pregnant again. They started me on progesterone and letrozole. I am 15 weeks 3 days right now...due Sept. 21st. Sorry for the long intro story to get me to my point...which is: I'm terrified! I know I'm out of the first trimester so I'm a little safer now. I also had u/s every two weeks during the first trimester and everything was always good--measuring good (even measuring a couple days big), strong hb etc. I have had no cramping, bleeding, spotting anything to tell me that something is wrong but I just cant get it out of my head that something is going to happen to this baby too. I want to be happy and excited and bond with my baby but I just cant seem to get happy about it. I know worrying is not helping but I cant help it. I need support from people who have been there. How did you get through your pregnancies without losing you mind? I'm sure I'll feel better once I can feel the baby move but right now I dont have anything to tell me that everything is fine. I graduated from the specialist so no more every-two-week u/s and my first appt with the regular doc is one week from today. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind before that appt. gets here. And even when it does, I'm going to be so scared that they will not find a hb. Help me keep my sanity Thanks for listening
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earleyml1012 responded:
Michelle that's great news!! I am a GRAD of these boards so I can relate how you are feeling. Until I could feel the baby move, I was a nervous wreck in between appointments too. Also, I completely understand your statement about not bonding with this baby. I had one healthy pregnancy before a miscarriage and so when I got pregnant the third time, I had a very difficult time bonding with our baby too. It wasn't until the 3rd trimester that I felt safe and even then I was still nervous that something would go wrong. Don't worry too much about bonding with baby before he/she is born b/c the bonding does come as soon as your little one is in your arms! I know some people bought dopplers at the store to ease their minds so that they could check the hb more often, however, they can be tricky to pick the hb up so it could cause more stress. These boards really got me through my pregnancy, talking with others who have been through it is amazing therapy! Also, I prayed all the time for our daughter and that if it was God's will for us to have another baby that things would work out. That's how I got through my pregnancy! Good luck and God bless!! Congrats again!
Me (28) DH (28) DD (12/6/08) EDD (10/21/11) Pink Team!
 
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hgreenwood7058 responded:
grad lurking: congrats michelle! I was also terrified during the process. I bought a doppler for home so that when I got scared I could listen. I had a fear before every appointment pretty much the whole time until I could start feeling movement. Then it got better but still feared. I did my best not to get attached as well I think its our way of coping just in case. it will get easier as time goes but the boards really helped. Hugs and congrats again
Heather(24),DH Lee(25). PCOS w Hemmoragic cysts. BFP:1/23/11 M/C 2/10/11. Carson Lee born 3/31/12. Love this little man with all my heart
 
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bethann88 responded:
Congrats Michelle!!! I remember you from TTCAL. I'm so happy to see you here!

It's very normal to worry after going through losses. I don't think I really started to relax until I could feel my son moving all the time at 20 something weeks. It's hard getting to that point though. I'd often set small goals for myself. Like making it through the first tri, getting to the anatomy scan, making it to viability, then the thrid tri, etc. It gets easier, but don't be hard on yourself if you find it difficult to get excited. I does get better.

Sending hugs and big congrats!
Me(31) DH(33) Two angel babies, 5/11/09 (10wks), 6/28/11 (5wks).
PAL Grad, DS born 3/30/12
 
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vybe77 replied to bethann88's response:
OMG Michelle I am so happy to find you here and with such great news!! Congrats on the new pregnancy and if I may I would like to share this news with the ladies from TTCAL because I remember them asking about you just a few months ago.. we were all wondering what had happened to you...
I also don't know what else to tell you about feeling nervous except just try to relax and stay focused on the baby and stay healthy in your choices...
You have a RE who has given you tools to help you along and I know you are being more closely monitored this time around..
I wish you nothing but a happy and healthy pregnancy..
KUP!
Vicky 35 and Chris 33
His and hers family of 4 kids
Mine-DD Emily 12..DS Kody 10
His-DD Rinoa 11
Ours-DS Maxim 4
 
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michelle063007 replied to vybe77's response:
Thank you all for your kind words--it really helps a lot. I know I'll feel better once I can feel the baby move--kind of like a daily affirmation that everything is fine. I just hope those movements come soon I cant wait! I've thought about one of those at home dopplers but I'm just concerned that it could cause more worry if i did it wrong and didnt hear anything. I guess I'll jsut have to wait for my appt on Tuesday and for thoses first movements. I keep thinking that I'm feeling something but I know its too early. It feels like little vibrations in by lower belly. I tell myself that it is the baby moving just to make myself feel better but I know its too soon 16 weeks tomorrow so hopefully something soon!

Vicky--feel free to share with the TTCAL board...I'm so sorry for dropping off the planet like that. I just usually posted at work and things got really busy so I didnt have time. Plus my husband takes our laptop to work with him so I dont always have a chance to use it at home. And we also just moved in January so we were so busy selling our house and finding a new one etc. Please let them know I'm sorry and I think about everyone on that board all the time. I'll have to lurk over there a little bit. I miss everyone there and wish them good luck!
 
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vybe77 replied to michelle063007's response:
Don't ever feel like you have to apologize for taking some time off from writing on these boards because we all know how life gets so complicated sometimes that we simply don't always have the time for everything..just focus on you and that baby..I am so, so overwhelmingly happy to have found you with such happy news happening..
You will def. be part of my prayers xoxo
Vicky 35 and Chris 33
His and hers family of 4 kids
Mine-DD Emily 12..DS Kody 10
His-DD Rinoa 11
Ours-DS Maxim 4
 
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hgreenwood7058 replied to michelle063007's response:
I am still so excited for you the little vibrations (or flutters) could be baby moving. I never really got those but its very common for people to. My first movements were a jab by a foot on the outside lol. (I had an anterior low lying placenta so it hid a lot of the movements till he got big enough to jab me and I was about 20.5 weeks. But flutters are usually the first bits of movements people feel). When do you get to have the gender u/s or are you going to let it be a suprise?
Heather(24),DH Lee(25). PCOS w Hemmoragic cysts. BFP:1/23/11 M/C 2/10/11. Carson Lee born 3/31/12. Love this little man with all my heart
 
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michelle063007 replied to hgreenwood7058's response:
I think we will have the anatomy u/s around week 20...but we are going to let the gender be a surprise


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