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TRIGGS found out a co-worker TRIGGS
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shanastash posted:
TRIGGS so today i was goofing around on facebook and a co-workers mom put up on her wall that she is thankful for everyones thoughts and prayers right now. i started investigating and went to her wall and saw what i feared...TRIGGS...her daughter, who was newly preggo, lost her baby. i don't know exactly how far along she was, we aren't really friends and she was still waiting for medicaid or medicare or something to kick in, so she herself didn't know how far along she was either.

so more TRIGGS...i don't know how she is gonna feel about working with me because of my "condition". i know that when i was going through my mourning/grieving it was h-e-l-l seeing preggos out there...

i am praying for strength for her and me...

i told her mom that i am here for her and her daughter because i know that it doesn't just effect the mom and the dad, it effects the whole family.

i don't know how to even act around her. i know i just went through this a year ago...but because i am preggo now...i don't know what to do. can you help me? i have the next 2 days off, but when i get back to work...we will have to work together.
Shana-27, Darrin-29, angel baby (fishie-14w5d) found out @ 17wks. Dx: MTHFR and FV Leiden. BFP 3.12.10 EDD 11.20.10 PINK TEAM!!! Rx: Lovenox 40 mg, baby asprin, 1000 mcg folic acid, AND PRAYERS!
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Mandy_Smiles responded:
TRIGGERS Wow, this is a though situation. I am sorry for your friend's loss. I wish I had answers or advice for you but all I have are prayers. I think the best thing you could do is to try to read off of her body language. If she seems to feel very uncomfortable around you, maybe you could try to work opposite shifts from her to give her some breathing room? I was the same way as you, seeing pregnant women was very painful for me in the beginning. It was also very difficult for women to tell me "I know what you are going through", I just thought they could have worded it better than saying that face to face. I remember one of my co workers saying something along the lines of "I am so sorry for you loss. We lost a baby last year and I am so sorry and I know that there is really nothing that I can say other than to let you know that I am here to help and support you in any way that you need me to". I remember her saying that because I ended up asking her a few weeks later to talk with another woman we work with and ask her to stop bringing up my M/C every time she spoke to me and she gladly spoke to her on my behalf. Just let her know that you are there to support her in any way that she needs, even if that means keeping your distance. Like I said, I don't even know if that is good advice, you and your friend will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Mandy 26, DH 31, Angel Baby @ 13weeks April 2010, EDD 3/27/11, Greenish-yellow team (undecided)
 
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Starla_94 responded:
DOes she know about your situation? If so casually you might take her to the side and let her know you understand how she feels and if she ever needs to talk you are there for her.

if she doesn' tknow you might get her a card and write her a little note and tell her your story if your comfy and let her know that you understand how you feel and are there for her if she needs to talk..

Good Luck..

by the way this is so very sweet and conciderate of you to think about her like this! you are stronger then you think.. I pray that you get the answers you need, and strength to help her if she needs it..
Christina (34) DH (38)- 1 D/S Oct-2003, M/C April 2010, M/C June 2010 (twins) BFP on 8/15/2010 ~ GreeBean - hoping for a girl! EDD 4/28/2011
 
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shanastash replied to Starla_94's response:
yeah, unfortunately before i knew she was preggo, i was talking about my loss with her and the struggle that i had and then announced i was preggo again. so she definately knows we have had a loss. and she definately knows i am preggo again. once i found out she was pregnant...we had talked about meds she could take while pregnant and awaiting a doc to even ask! i told her tylenol.

she really isn't a "friend" more of an acquaintance but i do care for her emotional wellbeing. her mom was one of the ladies i had a HUGE problem with at work after i came back from my leave of absense after the deliveray. she was saying all sorts of WRONG things to say to someone who just lost her baby...and i fear that she will be saying these to her own child!!!
Shana-27, Darrin-29, angel baby (fishie-14w5d) found out @ 17wks. Dx: MTHFR and FV Leiden. BFP 3.12.10 EDD 11.20.10 PINK TEAM!!! Rx: Lovenox 40 mg, baby asprin, 1000 mcg folic acid, AND PRAYERS!
 
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jedmonds12 replied to shanastash's response:
Unfortunately, you can't do much about the mom. That's definitely not within your realm to be able to say anything to her, but I'm with Mandy in that it's OK and probably appreciated to say something to your acquaintance along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm here if you want someone to talk to." Anything more might seem preachy, and less... well...

When my fiance's grandfather died, my MIL was visibly upset, but she and I never ever got along. So I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want her to be more upset than she was already, and frankly, I was uncomfortable thinking about comforting her when I could barely stand to be in the same room with her. It turned out that my not saying anything to her actually made her angry at me. She told me later that it's never wrong to offer your condolences for someone's loss and ignoring it makes you seem insensitive.

That's my two cents, for what it's worth. I think you're being very strong and I'm proud of how considerate you're being toward her feelings; it would be easy to ignore her altogether to spare yourself the emotional pain.
Julie (27) DF (34). One MC 5/10 at 7 wks. BFP 8/9/10! Stick, baby, stick! 10/5/10: HB 163, measuring 6d big, movement!. EDD: 4/18/11


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