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    Sarah McMoyler, RN posted:
    A dear friend just accomplished her first pregnancy at 43 years old- excitement, elation and disbelief! Now, devastated, she miscarried at 7 weeks. Her questions to me included:

    -I went on a long bike ride, did I cause this? NO
    -We had sex, did that cause this? NO
    -Does spotting mean that I am miscarrying? Not always
    -Should I have waited longer to tell people? Keeping it a secret means that, if the pregnancy ends, you are sad by yourself. Dear friends/family, can now grieve with you and offer support
    -Do I need to see my OB to confirm a miscarriage? YES
    -When can we start trying again? Typically after one complete menstrual cycle

    This entire experience caught her off guard. She didn't think that she could get pregnant and was surprised at how emotionally attached she was at 7 weeks gestation.

    Have you experienced a miscarriage? Know anyone who has?

    Sarah McMoyler RN
    tlkittycat1968 responded:
    To the best of my knowledge, I never experienced a miscarriage but I know two people who have. My SIL had one when she was less than 8 weeks along. Our entire family (I do mean our entire family because the news was leaked at our family reunion) knew she was pregnant and when she lost it, everyone had to be informed. She lost a second one during an unplanned pregnancy but was sad nevertheless.

    A good friend of mine got pregnant during a very rough patch in her first marriage. She ended up having a miscarriage and felt guilty that she was semi-glad it happened because it was not a good time for her and her now ex-husband to have a baby.
    mwhite80 responded:
    A year after my son was born, I found out I was pregnant again, it wasnt planned and my husband was about to deploy to Iraq in a few months. We told our family and friends and we were slowly excepting our family was about to get bigger. We went in for our first ultrasound and no heartbeat was detected. They scheduled another ultrasound just in case I wasnt as far along as I though but again there was no heartbeat and I was informed that I had miscarried and the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. I opted for d&e rather than let my body miscarry naturally, I needed for it to be over before my husband deployed. I had to go in for a second d&e about a week or 2 later because I was still spotting and cramping and they didnt get everything out the first time and my husband was already gone then. After the miscarriage I had wished I never told people I was pregnant bacause now I had to tell everyone I lost the baby and that was extremely difficult especially months later people who I hadnt seen in a while asking how was I and the baby were doing, but there was no baby anymore and each time I had to explain that I lost the baby was like reopening the wound all over again. So I waiting until after I heard or saw the heartbeat with my other pregnancies and thank god I never had another miscarriage
    jknut responded:
    I have had two miscarriages. The 1st happened last Easter. I was at my parents house with the family. I didn't have much of an appetite and my stomach felt queasy but I just chalked it up to the morning sickness that I had been experiencing. Needless to say that it wasn't my morning sickness but my body going through the process of expelling the pregnancy. I was bleeding so bad that I couldn't home until it was over.

    The 2nd was in October. My hormones were stronger this time but at the low end of the norm. I went in for the 1st ultrasound and they couldn't see anything. I was given the option of waiting for my body expel on its own, which could have taken while, take medication to accelerate the process or have a d&e. I chose to take the medication. I did not want to lengthen my recovery time if I did the d&e and I surely didn't want to wake every day wondering if today was the day that my body was finally going to expel the pregnancy. I really didn't want to happen while I was at work and having to explain to my partner or watch commander what was going on. I wanted to take back some control over what was happening.

    Both times, I had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing that I did that made my pregnancy fail nor could I have done anything to prevent it from occurring. I didn't tell anyone outside my immediate family about being pregnant because of my fear of miscarriage. I hated telling my family that I had them. Talking about it brought the sadness, hurt, and anger all bck. It's not easy going though the process because you have to deal with the physical aspect and the emotional aspect. The worst part is you have no control over anything and just have to wait til the ride comes to a stop.

    Miscarriage has affected many people I know. My sister has had two, my best friend had three, and my husband's cousin's wife had three. Talking to them made it easier to cope with my experinces.

    While I had reservations of trying again, I kinda took it as a challenge. The third pregnancy was the make it or brake it time. If I had another miscarriage, the dr would run tests to figure out what was going on and I would have answers to questions I had. If I didn't, I was going to be a mother again. Happy to say that my family is going to be one baby bigger in September. The 1st ultrasound was very teneous for me. The tech showed me what she saw... it was the happiest day! I had passed the point of the miscarriages and on my way. A sadness had been lifted. I just had the second ultrasound and its such an amazing sight!

    While I would love to have never gone through those miscarriages last year, they have made me reaffirm how precious my family is. It certainly makes you appreciate how simple and complex life is.
    Sarah McMoyler, RN replied to jknut's response:
    CONGRATULATIONS on getting to this point! Thank you also for sharing your experiences in such an open/honest manner- we who have experienced m/c can absolutely relate to what you have shared.

    My very best,

    Sarah RN
    Sarah McMoyler, RN replied to mwhite80's response:
    I am so sorry to hear about the difficult experience of 'completing' the m/ emotional hurricane.

    Feeling jaded and afraid to tell family and friends about subsequent pregnancies is very typical- although, when they know that pregnancy was here and then went away, they are also there to comfort and support us. If no one knows, we heal alone...

    So glad to know that you did go on to accomplish the birth of your son!

    Sarah RN
    Sarah McMoyler, RN replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
    M/C is a real life event - and I think may warrant some follow- up short term therapy...the emotional ramifications can be huge. With the help of a skilled therapist the anger and sadness and fear of what if this happens again can be addressed.

    I conducted a M/C support group many years ago; this was in response to an OB who said that he felt that the women in his practice who had M/C needed more than a pat on the hand...I couldn't agree more.

    Sarah RN
    kf4321 responded:
    I have read before that sex couldn't cause miscarriage, so I wasn't open-minded enough to believe that a bit of spotting was a direct cause. It couldn't be, of course, because the experts said it couldn't. The second time, I bled quite a bit, directly after intercourse, or rather it was evident directly after, and had happened during. Intercourse wasn't painful. However, the bleeding didn't stop, and I experienced cramping as well. This was in the 5th week counting from the last period.

    I am sure that medical professionals will deny that my experience was legitimate, because they stubbornly stick to what they learned in their medical textbooks. But I am 43 years old, and very petite, and I think my state is more delicate than that of the average 25 - 35 year old. I hadn't thought so before, because I am very healthy and got pregnant on my first attempt. I also had been trying to do everything "right" once I knew I was pregnant.

    I would like to take this opportunity to counsel others to take responsibility for their health and well-being; a good medical professional should encourage people to be aware of their own bodies, feelings, and reality, not accept "medical wisdom". How long ago was it, really, that hysteria was a common diagnosis? When my mom was pregnant with me, her doctor told her smoking couldn't have any affect on the fetus.

    The fact is, supposed infallible medical wisdom changes constantly, and has from the earliest times of medical history. We now scoff at what people used to believe, not realizing that in the future, our ideas will most likely be ridiculed as well. This kind of myopia is mind-boggling.

    I wish someone had warned me of the possibility of what happened. Instead, I feel I was lied to. In addition, my gynecologist didn't even want to see me until after 8 weeks, and I had to practically beg for advice. The attitude seems to be, "you're on your own, you probably won't make it, and we won't help you to make it, but if you do manage, you can see us."

    Thank you for giving me the opportunity to communicate this.
    Sarah McMoyler, RN replied to kf4321's response:
    I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage (not clear if this was one or two incidences.) I also experienced an early miscarriage, and consider it one of my saddest days to date. As a woman and an RN, I wanted to weigh in on your very thought-filled comment: While I agree with the current medical opinion that intercourse does not cause miscarriage - I also firmly believe that an individual must listen closely to her body and her instincts. After my miscarriage, even though the medical opinion sttaed that to continue running each day was acceptable - it did not feel right for me in my situation (many, many women go on to run through their pregnancies) I needed to listen to my instincts.

    You are correct, that as time goes on, we in the medical profession learn more about what is and is not medically sound advice. Which is why I underscore: Pay close attention to what fits for you in your situation.

    Also, you may want to consider an OB/Gyn practice that has Nurse Practitioner support, so that you can have access to them in the early stages of pregnancy. They are more adept at teaching and guiding versus physicians, who are more geared at diagnosing and treating.

    Wishing you the very best,

    Sarah McMoyler RN
    kf4321 replied to Sarah McMoyler, RN's response:
    Thank you, I will look for a practice with Nurse Practitioner support. If possible, I'm hoping to find one who has a lot of experience with older women.
    chyatt1873 replied to kf4321's response:
    My HCG level is around 196 2 months after a miscarriage - is it possible to get pregnant if your HCG level is still above 5...I'm starting to have pregnancy symptoms again after they all went away. I can't find any information on if this is possible or not. Thanks!
    An_245890 responded:
    Hi, I experienced a miscarriage Jan. 31, this year. It was my first pregnancy and I planned for it three years ahead of time. Thank goodness I didn't go baby shopping too early...anyway, I was exactly 8 weeks that day. I know it was still early, but I had never felt a sadness like that before. It's over now anyway, but every now and then I just feel so low when I reflect on the day it happened.
    Hugabunch responded:
    My first pregnancy was completely unplanned, I had zero complications, and gave birth to a very healthy 9lbs 5oz baby boy. A little over a year later, my husband and I started discussing trying for another. We were still in the middle of that discussion when we found out I was already pregnant. We were a little shocked but happy. I found out a few weeks later that both of my brother's wives were also pregnant. We were all due within a week of each other. Since I didn't have any troubles the first time, we didn't hesitate telling all our family and a few friends.

    When I was in my ninth week, I started to spot blood. I immediately went to my OB who did an ultrasound. The baby was developing fine and had a strong heartbeat. I tried to be positive, but the amount of blood started to increase including clots. I went in to my OB again who told me to stay off my feet and again the baby had a strong heartbeat. Later that same day, I got an intense headache, followed by a fever. By morning, while sitting in my bed I started to cramp and then started to bleed a lot. I went into the hospital where they confirmed that I was experiencing a miscarriage and did a D&C.

    The whole experience was awful. I had a feeling something was wrong even when the doctors told me everything was okay. I strongly agree with the opinion to make decisions during pregnancy based on your intuition as well as doctors suggestions. I have a wonderful mother who was nice enough to alert all my family, and my sisters-in-law were very considerate during the rest of their pregnancies.

    My husband and I were also told that we could try again after one normal cycle. And try we did. We thought getting pregnant was so easy, but when I wanted nothing but to be pregnant, it was very difficult to get a negative test month after month. It was like rubbing salt in my wound. In the mean time, I was able to connect with other women who have a really difficult time getting pregnant and also those who have experienced one or multiple miscarriages. Talking to others really helped sooth my pain. It helped just knowing that others out there could relate to me, would understand why I was still so depressed, and didn't mind when I would burst into tears watching my son play. I also agree that woman should receive more than a pat on the hand and a sorry for a miscarriage. It is a loss to us. Just like any other child. As woman, we are attached, and it is normal to go through a grieving process for those losses. Counseling is a great option to help with the grieving process.

    I am very blessed to say that I am pregnant again. At first, I was not going to tell my family until after we were in the "safe zone" but I started bleeding again at 9 weeks. I, of course, was terrified and realized that I needed the support of my family more than ever. So I tearfully announced our pregnancy as well as our fears. I think whether or not you decide to tell someone about your pregnancy is a personal choice, but I knew that I needed the extra support and was glad to have it. The bleeding eventually stopped (after I followed every intuition my body gave me) and I am now in my 28th week.

    My advice for those who have experienced a miscarriage? Feel free to morn as much as you need. Find comfort in those who can relate. Follow your body's instincts. And above all don't lose hope.

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