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prayerbaby10 posted:
I'm 4 months pregnant right now and my mil is exremley excited, which I'm glad that she is excited. But it's almost a little much. She is setting up a nursery and getting a car seat and everything for her house. She says that it just to much of a pain the butt to have to move everything. But were not at her place anymore then once every few months. I don't want her to have a expectation that she is going to be having my baby all the time,when that is not the case. Also I do not want her to try to take over the mother roll being since she is my husbands biological mother and did not have any other children after placing my husband up for adoption. I'm just not sure how to approach this?
scperdomo7 responded:
First, you need to make sure you and your husband are on the same page - otherwise it will be a losing battle.
There were many times where my MIL knew I would probably say no to something, so she asked DH first (who is a lot more easy going than me) and later on, DH would let me know, "oh MIL is doing such and such with the kids, I said it was okay." So, DH and I had a little talk after that happening a few too many times for my liking and he has to discuss with me before saying yes to something!

Anyway, after you have established that you and DH are on the same page. You BOTH need to sit down with MIL (or not, it doesn't have to be a formal meeting, keeping it as casual as possible can help lighten the mood) and explain that while you appreciate her making her home baby ready - it will be quite a few months before baby will be spending the night away from home without mom and/or dad and you would hate for her to inconvenience herself over a few baby items that can easily be transported when the time does come for baby to stay with grandma.

I won't go into a lot of specifics, but DH was an only child as well and MIL and FIL divorced when he was very young, so its pretty much been the two of them for a long time. She seemed to want to step in and play mommy to DS and I had to kind of step up and let her know that she was not mommy, she was grandma. While she wasn't exactly happy with it, I don't think DS stayed the night with her until he was almost 1, or at least pretty close to it. He may have stayed with her overnight for our anniversary at which point he would have been 10 months old.

In any event, you have to set clear boundaries and you need to do it sooner rather than later. Best wishes!! and Congrats!!!

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