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Mixed emotions mama
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mylifesamess posted:
Hello all. I am new to discussion boards but could use some advice for sure. I have a wonderful four year old almost five smart, loving boy. His father and I are still married but separated in October after he had aan affair with a close friend of ours. I tried to stay after the affair for the sake of our son and my faith and not liking divorce being a product oof divorce myself. I asked him one thing that he never acknowledged while we were trying to work things out. The woman was pregnant when I was told about their affair, and I questioned if the baby could possibly be his. He waited until after I came to him and told him I had abasically gave up on our marriage by 85% certainty to reach out to the woman's husband to try and seek paternity. It just so happened to be the day he contacted him she also was in labor and the husband flat out cursed him out and told him the baby was his and to f**k off. In our state as in many if the couple is married the paternity is automatically assumed to be the husbands unless he requests to question it, which this guy naively never did. I came to the conclusion I needed a separtation because I was torn with the breach of trust and betrayl and he not working to give me the peace that I needed from the affair. A week after we separated I made a very poor choice to sleep with a young guy, he is 21 and I was 32 at the time. We slept together and used protection and afterwards he commented he thought the condom broke. I panicked not being on any form of birth control because prior to the affair my husband and I were planning on trying for a second and after the affair sex was definitely lacking and I was using the rhythm method to know when I was ovulating. So trying to be safe, even though I had just finished my cycle the day before we slept together, I took the morning after pill. I didn't take it til day 3,(slept together on a Friday evening and took the pill on Monday afternoon) being 33 and with the same man for the past 11 years I waS out of the loop to the availibility of the pill being now available at drug store not just from your doctor. So now needless to say 16 weeks later I am pregnant....
My husband is not dealing with this at all. He won't talk to me I have asked him after telling him with our pastor's help I was pregnant back in November to go to marriage counseling to see if we could get past our hurts we have now inflicted on each other. He won't go and is very emotinal, full of anger and hurt and many other emotions.. I am stuck with my head and heart not seeing the same thing. My faith is making it very hard to walk away from our marriage and I deseprately want us to try couseling for the sake of peace of mind knowing we did everything to try and make it work. I want to be able to tell our son we really tried, coming from divorce I know the impact it has on children's self worth and self esteem. I am going to therapy, I have started our son in therapy and with the support of my friends and family and my women's group and church I am trying to make it thru this very difficult time. I have struggled to find happiness with this pregnancy which breaks my heart because I wanted a second child so bad, just not under these circumstances. What I need is how can I tell our son that I am pregnant and Daddy isn't going to be Daddy? I have a very intelligent boy that is too smart for his own good and I know he is going to ask some very hard questions. I don't know what to tell him and I don't want to lie and yet I don't want to give him more information than he needs at nearly five. I have asked various people including his pediatrican, and answers are not very helpful. What would you say if you were in my position? =-(
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sol4J responded:
Congrats on your sweet blessing! While I can't provide you with the advice you are looking for, I can certainly pray for you. If you would like to talk with a therapist at some point, feel free to call Focus on the Family. I have personally spoken with one of Focus' counselors regarding some issues in my life and has helped me tremendously. There is no charge to seek their advice and encouragement. The phone number is 1-855-771-4357. Best to you!
 
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noodles1738 responded:
Im so sorry you are going thru this right now. You are not alone and I dont know what to say about telling your son. I found out im preg with my #2 and i have a 7 year old. Im so afraid of what she will feel. My issue is I have til this Friday to decide if I want to keep the baby. Im scared to tell anyone, Im scared of many things. I just dont know what to do. Im 31 but Im scared to confide in my mom. I feel alone too!!!! But i totally did this to myself and to make it worse i know abortion is not the path god wants me to take. I feel an emotional wreck


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