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unplanned, alone, and scared
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jennferrlynn posted:
Let's just say life doesn't always turn out like we hope.....(duh!) This will be my fourth time on these boards.......I'm 26 and pregnant with number FOUR!!!! I can't believe I'm even typing this.....

I don't want to offend anyone, so I just want you to know that I DID look for the "unplanned pregnancy" message board, but they must have done away with that since my last round on these boards.

I'm looking for honest feedback from people not emotionally connected to me......so here it goes.....

My first DD was born when I was 19, my second DD at 20. They are 12m3w apart and the best of friends. They are now almost 6 and almost 7. I was with their father for 5 years and almost married him. We were 8 days from our wedding when I left. I won't go into detail, but I will say I tend to lean towards regretting my choice to leave.... He is very supportive of the girls and generally always willing to help me if I need it.

Anyways, my second relationship was extremely volatile. I became pregnant while we were separated and my third pregnancy at age 24 brought my DS into my life. He is now 16 months old. I tried and tried to make the relationship work with his father, determined we could fix things and make it better. I have been attending college part-time since I had my first child (full time before she was born), and working full time up until my 3rd child. Currently, I am a senior with over 100 credits towards a double major in accounting and management.

While living with my son's father I was supporting the household 100%. He is not financially stable. His future doesn't look bright either. In the last 2 years he has worked 5 months. He can't seem to find a job or hold a job. As far as parenting, it has gotten better, but only at a price.

After 5 years of supporting myself I found myself in a tight situation. I could no longer afford to do it alone. Since DS's father wasn't helping (and living with me) I made the choice to move into my brothers. So far I don't have too many complaints. HUGE house (3700sq.ft) that I share with just him and his kids visit every other wkend. Once I moved to my brother's house DS's father started to participate in parenting much more. Our relationship began to crumble since I resented him for not helping more. I blamed his lack of help for forcing me to find other living arrangements separate from him. I didn't WANT to live without him in my life, but I had no choice. I am a numbers girl and there was no way I could afford it alone ANYMORE! I chose to work part-time in order to continue school and still be able to balance having 3 kids!!

Once living at my brothers I became close with one of his friends.....now I am pregnant and I do not know if it belongs to my DS's father or the friend of my brother.........How embarrassing!! Never did I think I would be in these shoes. The pill is SUPPOSED to work (most of the time....). I have told 4 ppl about this....my brother, his ex-wife, the "friend", and my DD's father......not DS's father.....

I have never believed in abortion. So far, the only person encouraging me to keep the baby is my DDs' father. He even said he would buy me a van and will probably end up loaning me the money for a prenatal paternity test. Everyone else says it would be "best for everyone involved" to get "rid of it" At first, I agreed, but I know that physically I just can't go through with it. I can't imagine someone sucking my baby out of me through a tube....I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

I feel very alone. I am sad for all of my babies....this isn't fair to any of them. They deserve better. It isn't supposed to be this way......
Reply
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Welcome, Jennferrlynn!

Let me just say that you are completely welcome here. This is a wonderful, supportive community. I think many moms can understand being surprised, confused, frightened and overwhelmed when discovering they were pregnant.

I admire the way you've looked at the issue and how you made changes to get yourself through school and do what was healthy for you and your children. It shows a lot of maturity to continue to have a solid relationship with your DD's dad.

The number of people who agree or disagree with you aren't important. This is your decision alone and you need to make a decision that feels right for you. If abortion is not the right choice for you, then start gathering people around you who support your decision to have this baby.

Find out what your options at college are. Perhaps you can take some of your classes online, or in the evening. You may also qualify for some grants or programs, so look into it.

Yes, your children deserve a good life and you are a good mom working toward that goal. The number of children you have isn't a measure of how good a parent you are.

Cheering you on,

Byroney
 
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Christyle26 responded:
Hi, im sorry you feel so sad and alone. I would like to comend you for continuing school while working and taking care of 3 children. You should be proud of yourself for that! And it seems like you may be done soon, since you have over 100 credits.

As far as deciding what to do. I would tell you, you know deep down inside it's all up to you. I never believed in abortion either but I'm also pro choice so thats all I can tell you on that topic.

It seems like you are a very determined person and if you do have 4 children, you would still be a great mother. I bet your kids love you and they think you are the best person in the world!!

I know you are sad because you want them to have a great life and bright future and right now it seems a little glim. But like I said earlier you seem very determined and that in itself is great.

Just really think about what you want to do, Dont stress yourself too much. And keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. This may be your destiny.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all works out for you!!



Crystal
 
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hgreenwood7058 responded:
Hugs. I am sorry that you are in this situation. I don't agree with those people that are telling you just to get rid of it if thats not what you want. It sounds like your DD's father is a good guy and only wants whats best for you. I agree in that you should get a paternity test so that for medical purposes (like if whoever the father is has any family medical issues that type of thing). I think if you put your mind to it you will ultimately do whatever you think is best for you and your children (including your unborn). Hugs and best wishes.
Heather(24),DH Lee(25). PCOS w Hemmoragic cysts. BFP:1/23/11 M/C 2/10/11. BFP 08/13/11 EDD 04/17/12-Green team. Hope this LO will stick
 
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Christyle26 responded:
Hey jennferlyn, I just want to CLARIFY that I am encouraging you to keep the baby. I hope when you read what I originally wrote you are able to see that. Thats why I was telling you how great you are for being so determined, and how much your kids love you, and if you had 4 children I know you can still do it, and how this (meaning having another child) may be your destiny b/c evrything happens for a reason.


Again, best of luck and I hope it all works out


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