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8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELP
firsttimebabymama posted:
I am 24 yrs old, live in Massachusetts, and am 8 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have already fallen in love with the baby and have overwhelming support from my family and friends. My problem is that the father of the baby, whom I am not in a relationship with, is hell bent on me getting an abortion. I haven't really talked with him all that much since I told him I was pregnant, however, a couple days ago he told me that he " really wished I would go the other way and get an abortion, at least for his sake". He has 3 other children and really does not want anymore. I told him he could walk away, I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate, and he wouldn't have to pay any child support since I am fortunate enough to have the financial support and stability I need. He then told me that he would be there for the child, but agrees that he does not want to be on the birth certificate nor pay any child support,( because it would bother him so much to know he had a kid out there and doesn't want to be a "dead beat" dad, so he still wants to visit the baby) and yet he is still adamant that I get an abortion, and other wise has not shown any interest in talking with me about any other option, he is bitter and resentful towards me for even considering keeping the baby. I have begun keeping a journal of our conversations. I am concerned that once the baby is born he will take me to court and try to get custody, which scares me because he's so bitter and resentful about this situation that I fear he will try and take my baby to spite me, or might even be neglectful in the baby's care, since he's been clear that he does not want this. Considering the fact that he doesn't want to be legally responsible, or pay child support, taking me to court will probably screw him into both those things, which will probably just make him more angry and bitter. Any advice on how i could protect my little peanut from a bitter father, and a drawn out custody battle? I have no experience with family court and I'm terrified he'll try to take this baby away from me, even though he doesn't want him or her in the first place.
15 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI am 24 yrs old, live in Massachusetts, and am 8 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have already fallen in love with the baby and have overwhelming support from my family and friends. My problem is that the father of the baby, whom I am not in a relationship with, is hell bent on me getting an abortion. I haven't really talked with him all that much since I told him I was pregnant, however, a couple days ago he told me that he " really wished I would go the other way and get an abortion, at least for his sake". He has 3 other children and really does not want anymore. I told him he could walk away, I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate, and he wouldn't have to pay any child support since I am fortunate enough to have the financial support and stability I need. He then told me that he would be there for the child, but agrees that he does not want to be on the birth certificate nor pay any child support,( because it would bother him so much to know he had a kid out there and doesn't want to be a "dead beat" dad, so he still wants to visit the baby) and yet he is still adamant that I get an abortion, and other wise has not shown any interest in talking with me about any other option, he is bitter and resentful towards me for even considering keeping the baby. I have begun keeping a journal of our conversations. I am concerned that once the baby is born he will take me to court and try to get custody, which scares me because he's so bitter and resentful about this situation that I fear he will try and take my baby to spite me, or might even be neglectful in the baby's care, since he's been clear that he does not want this. Considering the fact that he doesn't want to be legally responsible, or pay child support, taking me to court will probably screw him into both those things, which will probably just make him more angry and bitter. Any advice on how i could protect my little peanut from a bitter father, and a drawn out custody battle? I have no experience with family court and I'm terrified he'll try to take this baby away from me, even though he doesn't want him or her in the first place.
hopingforbaby2011 responded:
I am so sorry that you are going through this stress. First things first, You go with your gut. Do not let him bully you into an abortion. You clearly don't want that and if you allow him to do that, you will never forgive yourself. I would continue logging all contact with him whether good or bad and make sure it is all dated. He needs to grow up and realize that if he didn't want anymore children, then he should take precautions on his end to prevent that from happening. Stay strong hun. Your baby loves you and you will be that child's rock. Best of luck <3
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI am so sorry that you are going through this stress. First things first, You go with your gut. Do not let him bully you into an abortion. You clearly don't want that and if you allow him to do that, you will never forgive yourself. I would continue logging all contact with him whether good or bad and make sure it is all dated. He needs to grow up and realize that if he didn't want anymore children, then he should take precautions on his end to prevent that from happening. Stay strong hun. Your baby loves you and you will be that child's rock. Best of luck <3
Taylove11 responded:
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with somebody like that. Please don't let him bully you into making a decision you're not comfortable with. It's your body and it's your baby. I agree with the PP, continue to document all of your conversations. If he does try to get custody after the baby is born, it will be a long battle. If he isn't on the birth certificate he will have to have a paternity test done to confirm that he is the father. Honestly, unless there is something wrong in the home, the courts typically will side with the mother. Just keep documenting it all, especially any time he mentions that he doesn't want this child. If he harasses you too much, you could always change your number or contact the police. Lean on your support in this tough time. I wish you all of the best luck in the world. Hang in there!
Me(24), DH(31), DD (1-1/2), 2 fur babies. 2 on the way! EDD 12/7/2012. HR 104 BPM 4/5.
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI'm so sorry that you have to deal with somebody like that. Please don't let him bully you into making a decision you're not comfortable with. It's your body and it's your baby. I agree with the PP, continue to document all of your conversations. If he does try to get custody after the baby is born, it will be a long battle. If he isn't on the birth certificate he will have to have a paternity test done to confirm that he is the father. Honestly, unless there is something wrong in the home, the courts typically will side with the mother. Just keep documenting it all, especially any time he mentions that he doesn't want this child. If he harasses you too much, you could always change your number or contact the police. Lean on your support in this tough time. I wish you all of the best luck in the world. Hang in there!
firsttimebabymama replied to Taylove11's response:
Thanks for your responses, I really do appreciate it, could use all the encouragement I can get this is so crazy to deal with!
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPThanks for your responses, I really do appreciate it, could use all the encouragement I can get this is so crazy to deal with!
Evalyne replied to firsttimebabymama's response:
It is you body, your baby your choice!
I would recommend talking to a lawyer now about your fears. They would be able to help you in the family court situation, giving you advice and possible put a restraining order out on the father. We've had family members do this for those crazy exs. I may cost you a bit but in the long run it it will be worth it for your sanity and your baby's safety.
There also may be a cut off on when you would be allowed to have an abortion depending on how far along you are.
Stay strong, my dear, and know you have the support of you fellow sisters.
<3
I would recommend talking to a lawyer now about your fears. They would be able to help you in the family court situation, giving you advice and possible put a restraining order out on the father. We've had family members do this for those crazy exs. I may cost you a bit but in the long run it it will be worth it for your sanity and your baby's safety.
There also may be a cut off on when you would be allowed to have an abortion depending on how far along you are.
Stay strong, my dear, and know you have the support of you fellow sisters.
<3
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPIt is you body, your baby your choice! <br /><br />I would recommend talking to a lawyer now about your fears. They would be able to help you in the family court situation, giving you advice and possible put a restraining order out on the father. We've had family members do this for those crazy exs. I may cost you a bit but in the long run it it will be worth it for your sanity and your baby's safety.<br /><br />There also may be a cut off on when you would be allowed to have an abortion depending on how far along you are.<br /><br />Stay strong, my dear, and know you have the support of you fellow sisters. <br /><br /><3
Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to firsttimebabymama's response:
Sending you (((hugs))) during this difficult time.
PLEASE reconsider signing anything that says he has no responsibility for the baby. No matter what your financial situation, you do not want to close that door in case circumstances change.
I agree that you need to consult an attorney or legal service to get some guidance.
Document, document, document - everything!
Haylen
PLEASE reconsider signing anything that says he has no responsibility for the baby. No matter what your financial situation, you do not want to close that door in case circumstances change.
I agree that you need to consult an attorney or legal service to get some guidance.
Document, document, document - everything!
Haylen
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPSending you (((hugs))) during this difficult time. <br /><br />PLEASE reconsider signing anything that says he has no responsibility for the baby. No matter what your financial situation, you do not want to close that door in case circumstances change. <br /><br />I agree that you need to consult an attorney or legal service to get some guidance. <br /><br />Document, document, document - everything! <br /><br />Haylen
thebirdisblue87 responded:
Hey I just wanted to say stay strong and only do what YOU want to do. I agree with everyone on here and just keep documenting everything and do not let him force you into anything. Stay near your friends and family that support you and away from him. I am sorry you have to go through this but I know how you must already love that baby. I am pregnant with my first and am 11 weeks pregnant and I love this child already. Don't do something you don't want to do.
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPHey I just wanted to say stay strong and only do what YOU want to do. I agree with everyone on here and just keep documenting everything and do not let him force you into anything. Stay near your friends and family that support you and away from him. I am sorry you have to go through this but I know how you must already love that baby. I am pregnant with my first and am 11 weeks pregnant and I love this child already. Don't do something you don't want to do.
Exception2daRule responded:
I would just like you to know that you are not alone. I am in a similar situation so I understand what you are going through. I encourage you to follow your heart and do what's in your best interest. I am only 8wks pregnant but I have decided to keep my baby.I struggled with the decision in the beginning because I was being pressured by the father until I realized that I have the opportunity to bring life into this world. This child that i'm carrying, my child could be the next president or the next superstar and so could yours. You are a strong woman and a good mother already for thinking of your child first and I applaud you. I pray that everything works out for you and wish you and your child great happiness and prosperity.
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI would just like you to know that you are not alone. I am in a similar situation so I understand what you are going through. I encourage you to follow your heart and do what's in your best interest. I am only 8wks pregnant but I have decided to keep my baby.I struggled with the decision in the beginning because I was being pressured by the father until I realized that I have the opportunity to bring life into this world. This child that i'm carrying, my child could be the next president or the next superstar and so could yours. You are a strong woman and a good mother already for thinking of your child first and I applaud you. I pray that everything works out for you and wish you and your child great happiness and prosperity.
doveylove8 responded:
Honestly, you have to do what's best for you and your baby. This is the time for you to take care of yourself with the least amount of stress possible. With that said, if you all are not in a relationship and he is not helping you and supporting you. Stop communicating with him throughout your pregnancy. Especially since you have supportive people in your life anyway. Once the baby arrives, its up to you whether or not you think he would benefit your child with his presence. A lot of sperm donors should remain just that. As your child gets older and has questions, you may want to keep his contact info so your child can reach out if they so choose. In terms of the legal system, if he is not on the birth certificate, he will have to go through the work to entitle him to visitation. Since you will have sole legal and physical custody, he can't just come around and snatch your child from you when he feels like it. If he is not around now, he probably won't go through the effort to be involved later. Enjoy your little one its a blessing.
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPHonestly, you have to do what's best for you and your baby. This is the time for you to take care of yourself with the least amount of stress possible. With that said, if you all are not in a relationship and he is not helping you and supporting you. Stop communicating with him throughout your pregnancy. Especially since you have supportive people in your life anyway. Once the baby arrives, its up to you whether or not you think he would benefit your child with his presence. A lot of sperm donors should remain just that. As your child gets older and has questions, you may want to keep his contact info so your child can reach out if they so choose. In terms of the legal system, if he is not on the birth certificate, he will have to go through the work to entitle him to visitation. Since you will have sole legal and physical custody, he can't just come around and snatch your child from you when he feels like it. If he is not around now, he probably won't go through the effort to be involved later. Enjoy your little one its a blessing.
TaneesAngel replied to Exception2daRule's response:
I am in the exact situation, my childs father said he wants nothing to do with the baby. He said he wants me to have the abortion and we can part ways. But its not about him, and they fail to realize that we (women), have to deal with the trauma. I am 27 and this will be my first and its unfortunate that we chose these deadbeats by accident. However children are miracles that many cannot have. You'll be a great mom, follow your heart. I already love my baby to death and cannot wait.
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI am in the exact situation, my childs father said he wants nothing to do with the baby. He said he wants me to have the abortion and we can part ways. But its not about him, and they fail to realize that we (women), have to deal with the trauma. I am 27 and this will be my first and its unfortunate that we chose these deadbeats by accident. However children are miracles that many cannot have. You'll be a great mom, follow your heart. I already love my baby to death and cannot wait.
Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to TaneesAngel's response:
Thanks for supporting the original poster TaneesAngel - sending (((hugs))) your way!
Haylen
Haylen
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPThanks for supporting the original poster TaneesAngel - sending (((hugs))) your way!<br /><br />Haylen
firsttimebabymama replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks everyone for the responses! I talked to a friend of my dad's, who is a lawyer, and like doveylove8 said, he'll have to go through the legal work if he wants to have any contact with my baby; which was comforting to know. TaneesAngel , thank you for your kind words, the truly do appreciate them, I hope for nothing but the best for you and your child 
Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts, I am eternally grateful!
Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts, I am eternally grateful!Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPThanks everyone for the responses! I talked to a friend of my dad's, who is a lawyer, and like <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/pregnancy-first-trimester-exchange/groupstory/20501305">doveylove8</a> said, he'll have to go through the legal work if he wants to have any contact with my baby; which was comforting to know. <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/pregnancy-first-trimester-exchange/groupstory/20517033">TaneesAngel</a> , thank you for your kind words, the truly do appreciate them, I hope for nothing but the best for you and your child <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts, I am eternally grateful!
dtymf responded:
I do the birth certificates in the State I am from.. and If I would have had the knowledge on these When I had my daughter 10 yrs ago Boy things would be diff. I dont like the option of abortion, especially if you are attached. I got one when i was younger after my daughter nad regret it! Adoption could be an option but attachment to a baby is a big deal.
Your best bet is cut him out of your life. If he does not want to be on the borth cert you do not need to put him on, also if he doesnt want to have more children maybe he should stop having sex.. But to get to the important situation. If you can handle not having him around and or not letting him see the child, Do not put him on the birth cert and In NYS the state tries to get a dad on most certificates... In your case just tell them you dont know who it is. He cant have his cake and eat it to. If he wants to see the child he needs to help support it... wether you have financial support or not, He needs to be a man grow a set and be a dad! Good Luck sweetie!
Your best bet is cut him out of your life. If he does not want to be on the borth cert you do not need to put him on, also if he doesnt want to have more children maybe he should stop having sex.. But to get to the important situation. If you can handle not having him around and or not letting him see the child, Do not put him on the birth cert and In NYS the state tries to get a dad on most certificates... In your case just tell them you dont know who it is. He cant have his cake and eat it to. If he wants to see the child he needs to help support it... wether you have financial support or not, He needs to be a man grow a set and be a dad! Good Luck sweetie!
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI do the birth certificates in the State I am from.. and If I would have had the knowledge on these When I had my daughter 10 yrs ago Boy things would be diff. I dont like the option of abortion, especially if you are attached. I got one when i was younger after my daughter nad regret it! Adoption could be an option but attachment to a baby is a big deal.<br />Your best bet is cut him out of your life. If he does not want to be on the borth cert you do not need to put him on, also if he doesnt want to have more children maybe he should stop having sex.. But to get to the important situation. If you can handle not having him around and or not letting him see the child, Do not put him on the birth cert and In NYS the state tries to get a dad on most certificates... In your case just tell them you dont know who it is. He cant have his cake and eat it to. If he wants to see the child he needs to help support it... wether you have financial support or not, He needs to be a man grow a set and be a dad! Good Luck sweetie!
Laur1981 responded:
I am so sorry to hear that he is doing this. However, YOU DONT NEED HIM YOU WILL BE JUST FINE ON YOUR OWN! sounds like youre better off without him anyway. that being said, dont let him dictate what you do. You have the choice. Also, think long and hard (you have a while yet) and why let him get away without paying support, its the babies right. You dont need it now, but you might need it some day. And if not, put it in the bank for little one. Not financially supporting his obligation (your precious peanut!!) makes him a "dead beat" dad. That being said, remember that child support and custody dont go hand in hand. Smart that youre keeping track of conversations, save them as you can use them in family court, regardless of when/if you go. sorry if that came out as harsh, I dont intend it to be. Also, so dont put him on the birth certificate. It wont hurt the baby any (from what I gather). If he wants to see the baby, go to family court and have supervised visitation set up when you feel in your guts that its right. Dont let him determine that either. He wants to responsibility, he gets it. And finally, remember that you can come back here any time, these ladies are awesome on this board. h&H pregnancy!
sounds like youre better off without him anyway. that being said, dont let him dictate what you do. You have the choice. Also, think long and hard (you have a while yet) and why let him get away without paying support, its the babies right. You dont need it now, but you might need it some day. And if not, put it in the bank for little one. Not financially supporting his obligation (your precious peanut!!) makes him a "dead beat" dad. That being said, remember that child support and custody dont go hand in hand. Smart that youre keeping track of conversations, save them as you can use them in family court, regardless of when/if you go. sorry if that came out as harsh, I dont intend it to be. Also, so dont put him on the birth certificate. It wont hurt the baby any (from what I gather). If he wants to see the baby, go to family court and have supervised visitation set up when you feel in your guts that its right. Dont let him determine that either. He wants to responsibility, he gets it. And finally, remember that you can come back here any time, these ladies are awesome on this board. h&H pregnancy!Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPI am so sorry to hear that he is doing this. However, YOU DONT NEED HIM YOU WILL BE JUST FINE ON YOUR OWN! <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> sounds like youre better off without him anyway. that being said, dont let him dictate what you do. You have the choice. Also, think long and hard (you have a while yet) and why let him get away without paying support, its the babies right. You dont need it now, but you might need it some day. And if not, put it in the bank for little one. Not financially supporting his obligation (your precious peanut!!) makes him a "dead beat" dad. That being said, remember that child support and custody dont go hand in hand. Smart that youre keeping track of conversations, save them as you can use them in family court, regardless of when/if you go. sorry if that came out as harsh, I dont intend it to be. Also, so dont put him on the birth certificate. It wont hurt the baby any (from what I gather). If he wants to see the baby, go to family court and have supervised visitation set up when you feel in your guts that its right. Dont let him determine that either. He wants to responsibility, he gets it. And finally, remember that you can come back here any time, these ladies are awesome on this board. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> h&H pregnancy!
X222D responded:
AS SOMEONE WHO GOT FORCED INTO HAVING A ABORTION BY MY MUM AND DAD 7 YEARS AGO .
I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO DO WHAT U WANT TO DO DONT LET ANYONE FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO.
I REGRET HAVING A ABORTION MY MUM SED UR NOT BRING A BABY UP IN THIS HOUSE I DONT WANT A BABY HERE THEN SHE GOT MY DAD TO TAKE HER SIDE SHE SED I WONT LOOK AFTER THE BABY FOR U AND CALLED ME NAMES THIS HAPPENED IN THE MAY BY JUNE SHE DRAGED ME TO FAMILY PLANNING CLINC AND HAD THE ABORTION SORTED AND EVEN TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL AND STAYED ALL DAY WITH ME TO MAKE SURE .
2 MONTHS AFTER I HATED HER SO MUCH I MOVE INTO A PRIVATE RENT HOUSE IN A VERY DODGE AREA NOT SOME WERE U LEAVE UR DOORS OPEN EVEN WHEN UR IN.
I REGRET IT EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE AND I HAVE A 20 MONTH OLD BOY NOW AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE ASKED HER TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND SHE ONLY SEEN HIM A HAND FULL OF TIMES.
DONT LET HIM FORCE YOU IN TO ANYTHING. I WOULD GO A HEAD WITH UR PREGNANCY AND NO GIVE HIM ANY INFORMATION . IF HE RING JUST SAY IT DOSENT CONCERN U .
I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO DO WHAT U WANT TO DO DONT LET ANYONE FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO.
I REGRET HAVING A ABORTION MY MUM SED UR NOT BRING A BABY UP IN THIS HOUSE I DONT WANT A BABY HERE THEN SHE GOT MY DAD TO TAKE HER SIDE SHE SED I WONT LOOK AFTER THE BABY FOR U AND CALLED ME NAMES THIS HAPPENED IN THE MAY BY JUNE SHE DRAGED ME TO FAMILY PLANNING CLINC AND HAD THE ABORTION SORTED AND EVEN TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL AND STAYED ALL DAY WITH ME TO MAKE SURE .
2 MONTHS AFTER I HATED HER SO MUCH I MOVE INTO A PRIVATE RENT HOUSE IN A VERY DODGE AREA NOT SOME WERE U LEAVE UR DOORS OPEN EVEN WHEN UR IN.
I REGRET IT EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE AND I HAVE A 20 MONTH OLD BOY NOW AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE ASKED HER TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND SHE ONLY SEEN HIM A HAND FULL OF TIMES.
DONT LET HIM FORCE YOU IN TO ANYTHING. I WOULD GO A HEAD WITH UR PREGNANCY AND NO GIVE HIM ANY INFORMATION . IF HE RING JUST SAY IT DOSENT CONCERN U .
Report This| Share this:8 weeks pregnant and baby's father wants me to have abortion - HELPAS SOMEONE WHO GOT FORCED INTO HAVING A ABORTION BY MY MUM AND DAD 7 YEARS AGO .<br /> <br />I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO DO WHAT U WANT TO DO DONT LET ANYONE FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO. <br /> <br />I REGRET HAVING A ABORTION MY MUM SED UR NOT BRING A BABY UP IN THIS HOUSE I DONT WANT A BABY HERE THEN SHE GOT MY DAD TO TAKE HER SIDE SHE SED I WONT LOOK AFTER THE BABY FOR U AND CALLED ME NAMES THIS HAPPENED IN THE MAY BY JUNE SHE DRAGED ME TO FAMILY PLANNING CLINC AND HAD THE ABORTION SORTED AND EVEN TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL AND STAYED ALL DAY WITH ME TO MAKE SURE . <br />2 MONTHS AFTER I HATED HER SO MUCH I MOVE INTO A PRIVATE RENT HOUSE IN A VERY DODGE AREA NOT SOME WERE U LEAVE UR DOORS OPEN EVEN WHEN UR IN. <br /> I REGRET IT EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE AND I HAVE A 20 MONTH OLD BOY NOW AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE ASKED HER TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND SHE ONLY SEEN HIM A HAND FULL OF TIMES.<br /> <br />DONT LET HIM FORCE YOU IN TO ANYTHING. I WOULD GO A HEAD WITH UR PREGNANCY AND NO GIVE HIM ANY INFORMATION . IF HE RING JUST SAY IT DOSENT CONCERN U .
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