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your opinon..
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Tiphawee posted:
Me my fiancee and my mom live in a duplex. me and my fiancee live in the upper part of the duplex and my mom lives downstairs.. ive been thinking on moving down stairs to stay with my mom and have the baby and i share a room.. for many reasons, like the upstairs is a total mess (but can be cleaned) its not dirty from us but from my sisters living up there before.. and im also worried about when the LO comes needing her and her being down stairs i mean yes i will have my fiancee but im scared i am only 16 maybe 17 when my LO will be here.. and i also think it may help mine and his relationship cause things have gotten better :D and im so glad but i think right now we've been spending to much time together and i can be smothering.. im not going to lie.. so i was thinking on giving him his own place for awhile.. but i kinda think the most reason i want to move downstairs is because im scared of all the responibilty of already having to do the dishes, and laundry and cookand clean.. and then adding more work when the baby comes.. because down stairs, i would only have to really worry about taking care of the baby and cleaning his thing and possibly mine.. i know it sounds lazy and everything.. should i just stay up there and deal with responibly of house work and the baby, school and that or take the easy way out.. i kinda have seconds thoughts of moving down stairs cause i dont want to take the easy way out but im scared.. and things are getting closer so im worrying more (i worry a lot)
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mommyof3kiddos responded:
Okay so let me make sure I understand....you want to leave your boyfriend upstairs to "live by himself" which means basically you will just leave him so he has to be the one to clean up and cook for himself while you move downstairs with your mom so she can help you AND take care of everything around the house and cook also??????????? Okay so when I read this post this is what I thought.....she doesn't want to do anything BUT take care of the baby and go to school . Possibly your laundry and your son's if someone else doesn't do it first. Am I right? So are you never going to eat dinner with your boyfriend? Are you going to go up, eat dinner, leave him with the dishes? Are you going to make him come down to visit his son since he lives in another apartment? Are you going to go visit his bed and then go back to your own? Why not just have your mom come upstairs to help you? Or do you want her to get up in the middle of the night to help with the baby? I am sorry if I am sounding mean but I think you're being lazy. Yes being a new mom is very overwhelming but it is done all the time. There are a lot of moms that return to work after having children, work 40 hours a week, and still clean. I know school isn't 40hrs a week. I am a stay at home mom of three children and pregnant with twins and do everything but mow the lawn at my house. My husband works 60 hrs a week. Except when my IL's watch the kids occasionally (once a month maybe) I don't get any type of break.

I don't see anything wrong with your mom helping you out a bit because being a new mom is overwhelming but really that's what your boyfriend is there. So after all that my response....yes you need to stay put. Once your two months of school is over you need to clean the house since it's so dirty you are thinking of moving out. Then once your LO comes and before you start school you need to create a schedule where you and your boyfriend take care of the baby and the house. I don't think that should be placed on your mother's shoulders. She already raised a child...you.
 
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DaleCDean29 responded:
I agree with PP, I mean really I know your young and all but you chose to act like an adult when you had sex, now you have to be an adult and raise the baby. Most adults don't have their mom there to help them out a lot. My mom will be visiting from California when my little girl is born for but only for about a week tops then its up to me and my bf to do things on our own.

Seriously what your thinking of asking your mom to do is really a lot to put on her. See it this way. You want her to help you finish school, take care of you, e.g. Feed you, clean up after you, and take care of yours and baby's laundry. On top of what your mom normally does. I don't know if you mom works too but wow thats a lot for a woman to handle.
 
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scperdomo responded:
I agree with the other posters. You chose to "play house" with your boyfriend and have sex. So now you need to grow up and be a mom.

Moms do dishes, work, cook, clean AND take care of the children - sometimes with little to no help from anyone!

I am 25 and I have a 9 month old. I work 3 days a week and on the days that I don't work, I am at school and when I am not at work or school, I am at home doing laundry and keeping the house clean. I have not had a full nights sleep in over a year, I can't remember the last time I slept in and I make dinner just about every night. My husband leaves for work at 8am and I don't usually see him again until 8pm so even when he is home, I try to let him relax and not make him do a whole bunch, but he does sometimes do the dishes for me which is nice.

I understand this is probably a lot for you to handle, but in all honesty, you should have thought about that before you went around having unprotected sex before you were really ready to deal with what could possibly happen (having a kid!). I wish you the best and I hope things work out for you. It's time to grow up hon, good luck.
 
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KBratt responded:
I completely agree with everyone else on here...YOU made the choice to have sex, YOU are having YOUR child & yet you want your mom to take care of everything?? Hasn't she done enough by raising you? & If you are engaged you are apparently going to be married soon which means you are once again deciding to become an adult, however you are scared of the responsibilities that come with that?? If you are really ready to grow up like you are pretending to do then you need to suck it up and do it! You are out of school per drs's orders so you have till July (if I remember correctly) to clean the upstairs and get it "fit" for you & LO to live there with his father where you belong...I don't think that is hard to accomplish!

22; DH 21; EDD#1 8/24 Kelsey Paige
 
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DaleCDean29 responded:
I know these posts sound mean, but they are not. They are just common sense. In all honesty I could never have been pregnant at 16 my mother would have killed me plus the idea of it terrified me. The idea of having kids in general in my early 20's scared me too. But thats also why I used protection and took precautions.

Really your lucky to have your mom so close. However your going to have to learn that your mom can't take care of everything for you. At some point you are going to have to take responsibility for the actions that you do, and not rely on your mom to get you through them.
 
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ttrishh replied to DaleCDean29's response:
Sorry to say it but I completely agree with EVERYTHING these girls are saying... TIme to grow up and take care of your self.

When I have been seeing your recent posts it really reminds me of my little sister and the things that she says, so I have to say to you what I say to her.... suck it up buttercup, you got yourself into this situation you need to deal with the consequences.

Why do you think that your mom should have to take on the extra responsibility of taking care of your family now too, she is not superwoman. These things are just as hard for her to do the difference is she makes herself do them, just because she does not complain does not mean that she finds it easy. You need to show her some respect and not expect her to take on your responsibilites.

You need to get that house cleaned up for when the baby comes... and I mean deep cleaned, so that you don't find it gross any more then you need to stay on top of it. Start with one room and each week do another one.

Good Luck, I know it is not easy but it is part of being a grown up woman and a mother. Also that DF of yours needs to get off his butt and help and if he can not handle that then it is time to kick his butt to the curb... after all the posts I have seen about him I still feel you would be better off without him.
 
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jle09 responded:
Tiphawee,

I feel for you I really did. I've posted many, many times to your stories, offering you advice based on my experience as a young mother. I've posted advice on schooling, on your relationship, and responsibility - and never receive a response. I feel a bit like I'm pouring my heart out to you so that you can learn from MY mistakes, so that you and your child don't suffer as we have.

I personally, would have never moved in with my boyfriend like you're mother has allowed you but you've made the decision to live with you, so I'd encourage you to stick it out. YOU are this child's mother, and YOU should be the one doing the majority of the work. My parents supported me 100% in my decision, and while they helped me I alone faced the responsibility. You can't learn anything from your decisions if you don't face the music now.

Please don't feel like any of these ladies are ganging up on you. We just want what is best for you and your child. You have to remember that everything you do now is an example to your child.

Again, don't feel like anyone is attacking you. I believe we all want to help you, but you are asking our opinions and aren't taking them. Eventually, people are going to stop responding because we will come to view it as a lost cause.
 
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Taylove11 responded:
I agree with the pp's. I won't add anything further. If you plan on getting married, you need to learn how to do these things for yourselves. Ask your DF to help you. I know it can be overwhelming when you see this house that is so dirty and needs to be cleaned.

Set out to do one thing at a time. Set a goal for yourself each day and make sure that you get it done. It doesn't have to be a huge goal, like "clean the bathroom". Instead say, I am going to clean the toilet today. Then the next day, say I am going to wipe down the counter and sink today. Keep doing this until you are done. It will take a longer time to do, but if you do things little bits at a time, it won't be so overwhelming.

If your mom has offered to help you, ask her to help you do your laundry or help do the dishes. Don't make her do it for you though. Maybe you could sort all of your clothes and she could wash them. I know my mom would help me do anything I asked of her. But don't put all of your responsibilites on her.

Have you talked to your DF about this??? What is his opinion? Remember that this is his child too and he may want to see the LO every night. He may want you in the house to help keep up with everything. He may want to live as a family. He has the responsibility of taking care of the child that he helped create. Don't put that burden soley on you and your mom.

I hope that you are able to get evrything situated. Best wishes.
 
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jle09 replied to jle09's response:
I do apologize for several of my typos. Mainly, I'd like to make sure my first sentence is corrected it should read "I feel for you, I really do" because I still even after not getting responses from you feel bad for you.
 
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mommy_a replied to jle09's response:
Oh dear.

Like one of the PP said, please don't feel like anyone's attacking you.

Hope you listen to what everyone here has to say. Good luck in sorting things out!!!!
 
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Tiphawee replied to jle09's response:
First off Jil09 i see all your post and i really love it and it does help, second off i never said i had unprotected sex or that i wasn't on birth control but it happen and i did take the responsibility of not giving him up because that wouldn't be right either way even if i was taking precautions.. so please dont assume.. also its not that i dont want the responsibility its that im horrified that im going to not do something right.. or mess something up.. ive never ever had any big responsibility and this baby and the apartment is a lot and what if i cant keep the apartment totally cleaned all the time.. or i cant do everything perfect for my LO thats more what im referring to when i want my moms help.. cause she knows what to do and if im not doing it right she'll help... and she already offered to watch my LO while i goto school so my fiancee can sleep (he stays up all night for some reason) but i wanted to clear that up, i know i have to let some things go and make sure i finish school goto college and get a job and support my baby. but yeah thats mostly the reason why, im scared of not doing it right, or messing things up...
 
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KLS0228 replied to Tiphawee's response:
I don't think anyone is trying to judge you, but the fact is that we are all in teh same boat. When I had DD (sept 08) I was terrified and I was 25 when I had her. So, its not because you are 16, everyone is scared. But you have to realize that all of us are trying to work/or go to school, keep a house clean, even take care of other kids too, which is the same stuff you do. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but if you Fiance' is jsut staying awake all night he needs to see a doctor because you are going to REALLY need his help when this baby comes. I could understand your mom watching baby all day if he had to work at night, but the way you said it makes it sound like he has insomnia or something which he needs to get some meds for to help him. HE needs to help you clean, do laundry and everything like that too. You should NOT be doing it all on your own and your Mom shoudlnt' have to do it for you. I think its totally ok for your mom to help you out with the baby SOMETIMES, like if you don't know what to do, but she shoudln't be doing it all the time. Ya know? I dont' think anyone is trying to be rude, but I have to agree with them when they all say its time to grow up and be a woman and mother now. We all had to do it when we had our babies too.
 
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Taylove11 replied to Tiphawee's response:
Tiphanee, it's normal to feel scared or be afraid that you won't do everything right. It's the most normal thought for any pregnant woman or mom. No matter how old they are or how many children they have.

You don't have to be the perfect mom, or perfect fiance or have the perfect house. Everybody would like to be the perfect mom, but it's just not possible. Things are going to happen and you will make mistakes, but it's all an opportunity to learn. Learn how to do things better and not let them happen again. You don't have to have a perfectly clean house or a baby that never cries. Those are unreal expectations of yourself. (I know that every mom probably does though).

I still think staying put is the right thing to do for now. Remember, you are really lucky to have your mom right downstairs. If you're afraid that you are doing something wrong, or you just don't know what to do, she's just down the stairs. She can come up there and help you, or you could take the LO down there.

I understand your original post much better now. Remember, if you make the decision to stay in the apartment upstairs, you can always change your mind. Especially if the situation with DF changes again. Hang in there girl. You're doing great!
 
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JAKUM3 replied to Tiphawee's response:
i have to say i agree with pp's but i do think you are 16 years old and yes you absolutely should take responsibility but thinking of the child here! i dont think there is anything wrong with your mom helping you if she has offered. You should definitely NOT take advantage of her but with everything aside if my 16 yr old had a baby i would want to be involved for the sake of the child! i do think though that you need to make an effort and grow up! this is going to be a very hard road and a hard life, but it was your choice to have sex
(p.s. birth control is not 100%, remember that next time)

adoption is a great option, but if you dont feel its for you then you need to realize and accept that you are choosing this and you need to bear the responsibility, however if you feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated please ask your mom for help for the sake of your baby..none of this is his fault!!


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