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I have to lose 30 lbs prior to having the baby
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LittleBubbles posted:
At least that is what my husband told me this weekend.

I am 15w preggo today. I was 157 lbs before getting pregnant, and I now weight 150 lbs. While I'm nervous to gain weight, I haven't tried to loose weight or tried to prevent weight gain.

When my husband told me I needed to loose 30lbs prior to having the baby, I told my husband that it is bad to loose that much weight while pregnant and that you shouldn't TRY to loose weight while pregnant. He said "Well...being fat and pregnant is NOT cute. You need to loose at least 10 lbs."

He was making me all sad. I told him that I was GOING to gain weight...because I have our baby growing in me. He said, "That's fine if it is after you loose 10 lbs, and as long as it is just baby."

Ugh...

I don't need this stress.

Hubby has never stressed that he has had a problem with my wieght before, in fact it has been just the opposite. He always tells me how much he loves my body and my shape...but now he says stupid stuff like that.

I KNOW I will start to slowly gain weight soon. I am walking at least 3 miles a day, and I'm not eating ANY fattening or bad food/deserts. I'm just being healthy...so I do not understand why he said what he said what he said. Plus my husband KNOWS I have issues with my body (for many reasons), so this whole "pregnancy" thing is kind of hard for me to deal with. I know my body will change. I am not comfortable having people look at me, comment on or complement my body. I just don't like it.

So...now I'm afraid to eat.
I am probably just over reacting...
But it is making me sad.
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bcfrost816 responded:
I'm so sorry your DH said that!! So not the case and you should definitely NOT try to lose weight while pregnant! Ugh...I can't belive he said that!!

Your body has to change....its just what it does when you're pregnant. For some people its scary, for some its exciting. You just have to learn to love your body and remember that it is doing a very important job right now. It is truely amazing what our bodies can do!
 
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LittleBubbles replied to bcfrost816's response:
Yes, our bodies do change. It is a miracle, very very amazing. For me it is scary as well as exciting. I know my body is doing the most amazing thing right now.

I just find it very hard to learn to be comfortable with myself, when he is saying such hurtful things.

I do not think that hubby meant anything bad when he said what he said. But he is wong..and doesn't seem to understand that.
 
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tamliz08 responded:
Ummm, I pretty much would have punched him in his face. There are a lot of things that go along with pregnancy that are NOT CUTE. Stretch marks are not cute. Stretchy waist band maternity pants are not cute. A sweaty pregnant lady hauling groceries into the house is not cute. An eight pound baby coming out of a vagina is not cute. He should have thought about all of that before he knocked you up!

Right now you need to just worry about getting your baby the nourishment that he needs. Worry about losing weight once the baby is born. This is not a time for either of you to be superficial!! (Not that you are - I'm just saying.)

Chin up, girl. :)
 
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bcfrost816 replied to tamliz08's response:
haha, the sweaty pregnant lady is so ME!!!!! :-) For some reason when I'm pregnant, I get sweaty and hot!!! So, this will be a long sweaty summer for me, lol.
 
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michelleloehr replied to bcfrost816's response:
I understand the whole body image thing. i lost almost 90 lbs last year and with the pregnancy I'm having a hard time with the weight gain (mentally not physically). I'll eat what was my normal portions and still be hungry so i'll eat a little more and the whole time i'm eating i'm thinking i'm such a big.

i know better, i know i'm supposed to be gaining weight and that its a good thing and sometimes my dh says stupid stuff like that too.

just remember that this is the only time in your life where big is beautiful.

If you find a way to get people to quit staring or touching the belly let me know because I swear i'm going to hit someone.
 
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Jacque72903 responded:
I would have told him, HE needed to stop worring about your weight and worry about his own. If he ain't a body builder he ain't perfect either. My dh knows better, I have him trained very well. I ask him all the time if I look pregnant or fat, I know I look fat, but I dont' want to hear it, so he says pregnant like a good boy, lol!!
I am sure he wasn't meaning to be hurtful, but there would be nothing wrong with saying ya know that hurt my feelings, here I am going through all these physical changes to bring our precious baby into the world and you are making jokes about my weight, get a life! GL
 
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PGinSJ replied to michelleloehr's response:
LMAO at tamliz08 response : )

I am sorry I am just appauled at your DH's words and I actually have to hold myself back from saying some very mean things that I would like to say. Pregnancy is hard enough without added pressure about weight gain, which of course is normal and necessary for your health and that of the baby.

And you are 100% right that you should NEVER try to lose weight during pregnancy!! I would disregard your husband entirely. Unless your doctor is telling you there is a problem with your weight, I would not change a thing. If you do get too little nutrition you will likely be the one that suffers most because the baby will steal your nutrients from your bones and organs.

I am a mental health professional and have done a little bit of research on anorexics and food restriction in pregnancy. There isn't definitive proof (i.e. valid and reliable peer reviewed journals) but it is believed that there can be lasting and serious effects (like seizure disorders) if your baby doesn't get adequate daily/ongoing nutrition, which does include a balance of carbs, protein and yes healthy FATS (avocado and other unsaturated fats). If I were you, I'd have your DH accompany you to your next OB appt and bring up his concerns about your weight so he can hear a medical retort. And if you are really worried, go to a dietitian, but I can almost guarantee you she won't cut your calories.

Also, at 15 weeks I just looked chubby but now at 25 weeks I definitely look pg and I actually think my tummy makes me look slimmer (in comparison) if that makes sense. So perhaps when you get a little bigger he might chill out.

I think it's his own insecurity that he needs to address so I would not take it personally. Doesn't have to do with you, has to do with him. I look at my body in the mirror everyday, which is proven to help with adjustment to bodily changes (the more you look, the more you like is the rule). HTHs, hugs and sorry if I offend or scare you. It's hard for me to shut my trap sometimes when I feel passionately about things and this one definitely strikes a cord for me as I have had issues with men like this in the past. I am just glad to hear he is not like that all the time.
 
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sorme818 responded:
Honestly, your husband just sounds uneducated about pregnancy and what the weight gain is. Hardly any of it is fat. I totally get where you are coming from. My husband is sort of the same way and is worried about me losing my body after this baby but thankfully has has never said anything to make me feel bad. We went over the average 25 lb weight gain. At your stage, weight gain is blood and amniotic fluid. No matter how hard you work out, you can lose that. Just educate him more.
 
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LittleBubbles replied to tamliz08's response:
I know I need to get my baby the nourishment that she/he needs. I am not worried about "getting fat". I am worried about being "noticed". I try hard to blend in.
I have had some huge body issues due to some sexual abuse by a family member until age the age of 14. I think that is part of the reason I do not dress all sexy, wear high heals, wear revealing tops, short skirts etc. I prefer jeans and a t-shirt.
I am terrified of "looking pregnant".

Which is silly, because I can't wait to get a baby belly and feel my baby move.

I just want my baby to be healthy. I don't want to stress about stupid things that are not an issue for me at this time. I have not been told I'm not gaining enough, and I have not been told that I'm gaining too much. So it really is a non-issue right now.

I guess I just wanted to vent...
 
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eden51671 replied to LittleBubbles's response:
The issue is most definatley not your weight gain/loss. it is the gross disrespect from your husband. I assure you he knows about your body image issues and he went for the throat. he needs to leave that to the professionals. Shame on him. Who ever said prenancy was about being cute? Is that your job in this world, to be cute?

back pain, stretch marks, hemmroids, gas, puking, discharge, breaking water...etc etc...who makes that cute?

hang in there. Dont let people bring you down. Especially people you love and trust. thats the worst of all.
 
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tamliz08 replied to LittleBubbles's response:
I wasn't saying anything bad towards you. Your DH's comment really just pissed me off is all! When you look at the big picture, you are creating a human being, and nothing else should matter at all!

Believe me, I know all about self-esteem issues. I think once you become a mother, it will help you out a lot in that dept. It really puts things into perspective, like what is really important in life, you know?

I'm very sorry for the things you have been through in your life, and I am especially sorry that it is getting in the way of you enjoying your pregnancy. Try your best to enjoy it, because it really does go by way too quickly.

Go ahead and vent here all you like. Our ears are certainly open! I like pp's idea of having DH go to your appointment with you. I think he really needs some education on pregnancy. Grrr.
 
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LittleBubbles replied to tamliz08's response:
I didn't think you were saying anything bad toward me.
My husband's comments pissed me off too.

I am trying to enjoy it. (Thanks all of you for reitterating that it isn't good to try to loose that much weight while preggo.)

I am extremely thankful to be pregnant, and all I want at this point is to have a happy andhealthy pregnancy while having my husband by my side supporting me.
 
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Taylove11 replied to LittleBubbles's response:
I agree with the pp's. I'm so sorry that your husband was so insensitive. If he brings up the weight issue again, show him this article:

http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/healthy-weight-gain

It will explain why you gain weight, where it goes (we gain 6 lbs between blood and breast tissue alone), and why it is not okay to diet or purposefully lose weight during pregnancy. Maybe then he will see that it's not just you gaining weight because you are eating more. I hope this helps and I hope your DH is more supportive in the future.
 
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JAKUM3 replied to LittleBubbles's response:
ya i would def agree!!! what makes him a body expert first of all... and second of all if my DH said that i would def punch him in the face!!!! that is soooo ignorant and insensitive!!!! next time he says that i would just say dont worry hunny 9 times out of 10 the husband gains sympathy weight and doesn't lose it when the baby comes so i will remind you of this everyday when that happens!!!! ugh!!! who has ever heard of a pregnant woman losing 30 pounds! thats not healthy!!!!


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