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Thinking of Adoption!
matersmamma posted:
I am 17 weeks prego, and feel no connection to this baby at all! I have 5 kids already, and my oldest is very upset, because I am not able to do all the things that I should be able to do, and I have had to depend on her a lot to help with more then a 12 year old should have to do! The father to this baby is still married and showing no signs of getting divorce. He is not living with his wife or me. Should I make him choose me or her? He has 2 kids and I would never ask him to choose between me and his kids, I have done everything to make him and his kids feel loved and wanted, all while putting myself and my kids on the back burner! I am angry with this baby, I feel like it has taken me away from my kids, and I am doing everything on my own, while he just works and plays. He has not given me one dime for anything. Everytime I talk to him I just get very upset and I take it out on my kids, and I know that's not right it's not their fault but they are here and he is not so they take the crap that he should be taking. I have tried talking to him I have tried everything, he says he loves me and wants to be with me, and that he will let me know by the end of this month what he is doing? Should I wait and see? Right now I would not care if I lost this baby or gave it away, I would have no regrets! PLEASE don't think of me as a bad person for feeling this way, I am sure most of you have been hurt or angry at some point in your life, and we all know hormones can and do take over, so please don't think I am a bad mother, because I am not I love my kids and I do everything I can for them. I know I got myself in this mess, and I should have thought about it more before I did it, but sometime we don't think of what5 this is going to do before we do it.

jenny8709 responded:
With everything you said, I think adoption is a great option. There are couples out there that would love this baby and I think you should really consider going this route.

I can't imagine where your coming from, but with the story above I think that adoption is the only option that would be best for this baby. He or she didn't ask to be brought into this world, but he or she will be and I think the least you could do is provide a safe and healthy place (inside your tummy) until he/she is welcomed into a loving family.
ME~23,DF~29,PG with our 1st BABY...A BOY! EDD 9/14/10
tamliz08 responded:
I would never think of someone who is considering adoption a "bad person". I think it takes a GREAT person to give someone the best gift on earth.

If you think it's best for the baby, and for yourself and your family, then it sounds like a good idea to me. There are plenty of wonderful families out there who are desperately wanting a baby.

Best of luck to you as you make this decision. I'm sure it's not easy.

Hugs to you during this difficult time,
DD-11/19/08 Baby Boy Due 9/1/10
ReneeErin replied to tamliz08's response:
Good luck with the decision! I can't imagine how hard it would be, but I've been in the situation of thinking we could never have children. I know how grateful parents of adoptive kids would be!! You would be giving them a wonderful gift!!!
Erin (27) DH (29) First baby due 9/12/10!!! Finally! =) (We STILL don't know what it is!!!)
BabyDems responded:
Personally, I think it is the most unselfish things a women can do! Good Luck with your decision, and know that your not a bad mother for thinking about this, your actually a great one thinking about this innocent child and their well-being/future instead of your own.
Jodi(30) Tim(31) EDD:9/9/10 First Baby
cdjd82406 responded:
I wanted to reply mainly to give you my input. Like PP's said, there is nothing wrong with adoption. I myself have given a child up for adoption. In my case though, it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do as there were a lot of circumstances behind it. Talk to someone who deals with adoption before you do anything and also talk to your children. Get their honest opinions on how they would feel about you putting the baby up. Your oldest is probably going through a phase of not really wanting to help since she's not quite a teenager yet and she's probably got some things on her mind. When I was 12, I already knew how to change diapers, make formula, wash clothes, wash dishes and even cook. I loved to help my mom though with all of these things. I wish you lots of luck.
matersmamma replied to cdjd82406's response:
Thanks for all the support, I was adopted when I was 4 weeks old, my adpotion back then was closed and it took me 2 years to find my real parents. I was horrified to find out my mom was 15 when she had me and my dad was 45. He was sent to prison for rape on my mom, and then I was sent the letters he was writing to me from prison. He said he was sorry for what had happened and that he wanted me always, and that my mom had lied to him about her age. My dad past away in prison 5 years ago so I never got to meet him. My mom is still alive, and she told my lawyer who was handling the case, that she never wanted me and wants nothing to do with me now, and to never contact her again. I was able to get a hold of my mom's parents and they told me that she had been into drugs, and all kids of stuff, not even sure that guy was my real father. She had lied about her age. I would like to close this adoption so that they child can not come back to me for anything. I have step brother's and a step sister that want nothing to do with me either, probley in part to maybe what my mom has done or said, but maybe they are right, to just leave everything alone, and never go back. I don't know what to do right now I have talked to an adoption agency and my church pastor, just so much going on right now feel like my head might exploded. Sorry, thanks for letting me vent and thanks for not thinking of me as a bad mom.

UGAmomof2 responded:

Your post is truly sad and I feel for you. I think that adoption is a truly the most beautiful act that only a woman can decide. No one can decide for you. From someone who tried for seven years for my DD and longed for a child, sometimes adoption is the only way to be blessed to be a parent. I think though that you should ONLY pursue adoption if you are serious AND you have alot of different factors going on. Too many hearts can be broken IF you should change your mind. It is singularly THE most important decision you will EVER make.

I would like to post a link to a blog I read that I thought of when reading your story. The blog is about the adopting family, but the birth mother and her story is a HUGE part of it. I know that the birthmother also already had several other children and chose adoption for her son. It is truly an inspiring story of a woman longing to be a mother and another giving her that chance. I'm not saying it is easy for either one, but they really have such a beautiful relationship. Hopefully, it will give you some idea.

Tons of hugs and I'll be praying for you and LO!!!
cdjd82406 replied to matersmamma's response:
I am so sorry that you have been through all this. I have a friend that like you was put up for adoption when she was a baby. Her mother was 13 though when she had her and she finally found her mom after she had had her own child almost three years ago. There are some success cases and some horrible ones. Please know that if you put this child up for adoption that a lot of parents that adopt tell nice things about the birth parents. If you ever want to talk to hear more about my story, please feel free to email me. My email address is
Me-28, DH-26, DD1-9, DS-5, DD2-3, DD3-17 months, EDD for DD4-9/10
matersmamma replied to flutterbymama2be's response:
I know that I have made a mess for stuff but it also takes 2, and I have never denied that I am sorry for what I have done, but when u can prove to me that u r perfect then u can say something, I have read some of the stuff u have wrote about and I have never judged u!! I am not saying I don't treasure what I have cause I do, I have 5 of the most wonderful kids in the world who have a dad that supports them and even though we r not still married he is very supportive of me and my choices and he has been there for me more then the baby's father has been. I said I blame the baby for things at times yes, but I also stated that most of that was do to hormones and being alone. So don't judge me and please keep your comments to yourself.

matersmamma replied to flutterbymama2be's response:
You r judging me by saying the mess I made, you r very judgemental and I never asked for your pity or anyone else's I just asked for understanding and advise and yours came across very harsh and rude. The fact that you wanted to say something nasty but you said you refained is a judgement on your part. Your right it is a public forum, but I have never judge you or said anything about the stuff you have wrote on here. Until you have walked in my shoes and truely understand what I am going through, I would rather you please not respond to any of my stuff! Also it's real nice of you to throw all this on me it takes 2 to make a baby, funny how you have not said a word about the baby's father but have been very judgemental of me. I am trying to do what is right by this baby and my other kids and I don't really care what you think so please stay out of mine. Thanks!

matersmamma responded:
I just wanted to say thanks to all of you, you have been very suportive, and helpful. Thanks for the website and links they have been very encouraging and insiteful. I am not looking for money or anything like that I just want this baby to have a loving family, and to have all it needs. I have a 2 year old who has to be on a breathing machine everynight, he stops breathing and it goes off, it happens about almost every 2 hours, which makes it hard to get much sleep, cause I have to get up and take care of him, and if I had a new baby and with everything with him, I have no one to help me, sometimes I am so tired that my oldest will let me sleep and she gets up and takes care of her brother so I can sleep. On the weekends I have church friends that help and stay with us. They are all great!! I love all my kids very much I just know in my heart that I am not strong enough to do this on my own and it's not fair to my 12 year old to make her do it either. Thanks for not judging me, it's nice to have support and be able to vent to people who care! Thanks again!


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