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How to Overcome the Gender Disappointment...?
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kanmai posted:
Hi all,

Please advice me how to overcome the Gender disappointment and sadness...
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bcfrost816 responded:
Can I ask why you are disappointed?? Is this your last or only pregnancy??

In my opinion, it's ok to be disappointed over the baby being a differant gender than you were hoping, but try to remember the most important thing....you are having a baby!!! That is truely a miracle, and a healthy baby is all that matters. Just remind yourself of that, and I'm sure your sad feelings will pass. Good luck!
Courtney (28) DH (30) DD Peyton 17 months; baby girl EDD 9/26/10
 
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kanmai replied to bcfrost816's response:
This is my Second..My first one is little girl (4 yrs), Now this is the Second one(today 19 Wk 6 days). We don't have any plans for more than 2. And think this is my last one.
 
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roni090909 responded:
Have you already found out what you are having?

With my first I was a little disappointed it was a boy at first but I was over it within a day. Once I started to think about holding my little man, it didn't matter whether it was a boy or girl, it was my little baby. Oh and shopping really helped.
Me (30) DH (37) DS 10/20/08 New Baby Girl EDD 11/11
 
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kanmai replied to roni090909's response:
It's a GIRL again..Today morning is my U/S appt, The tech told me it is a girl.I really hoped for boy this time..
 
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collinjames replied to kanmai's response:
DD was our first and I was thrilled DH was a little disappointed at first but now he is so happy.. and with this one we found out it is a boy and he is happy I was a little disappointed I so wanted another girl.. I guess I just thought it does not matter what we are having the decision is something we dont get to make only one person does and that is GOD. You will have a healthy baby and that at this point should be the only thing that matters.. I realize the sex of the baby is a big thing and I to felt that way but there are so many people that would love to know what it feels like to be as far a long in a pregnancy as you are so be happy not sad:) HUGS sorry you are down.
 
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eliguns841984 responded:
it's normal to be a bit disappointed, but when baby arrives and you spend a bit of time together, you will wonder why you ever hoped for anything else! Don't worry, your disappointment will subside. Go to the store and find the cutest little girl outfit you can find...maybe something for baby to wear home from the hospital. Do NOT look at little boy stuff right now, just focus on what you actually CAN buy. I was slightly disappointed to find out I was having another boy, but as soon as I bought a couple of tiny little boy sleepers that were SO cute, I was totally over it!
Noel (25) DH (31) DS1 born 7/23/2008, DS2 EDD 11/17/2010
 
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cdjd82406 responded:
I feel your pain on this one. When I have this baby, I will have four girls and only one boy. I was really hoping for a boy this time around so that it would be some what even. I was bummed about it and still get bummed about it every now and then. I actually told hubby that it was my fault that I can't give him a son. (my only boy is by someone else.) He started laughing and told me that it isn't my fault, just his since his little soldiers are the ones who decide what baby is going to be. After a couple of days, I got over it and decided that it will be nice for my current LO to have a little sister to play with. Plus, they can share clothes too.
Me-28, DH-26, DD1-9, DS-5, DD2-3, DD3-17 months, EDD for DD4-9/10
 
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eden51671 responded:
would say that to get over it you must understand it to begin with. Im sure you know that you will love it and all that...but the question is, what are you dissappointed about? Its something that I face evryday in my job, not making people happy about what theyre having. Ive seen people get ANGRY and its not unusual at all to see people cry. Thats almost a daily occurence for me. Its frustrating for me because I get to see all the bad things that happen. But I always say, if I understood why they were dissappointed, maybe I could be more sympathetic.

Im not going to pass judgement on you, but perhaps confronting what youre dissappointed about will help.

The fact that you want to be over it says alot too.
 
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tamliz08 responded:
I would just give it time. I always thought I wanted a boy first a girl second, but I got just the opposite! It's hard when things don't go the way you plan, but you always end up getting just what you want

Just try to think of all of the positive things, like getting to pass down clothing and other items between girls, the bond your two little girls will have, not having to worry about circumsision, lol. Also go shopping and check out all of the cute baby girl stuff!! You'll feel better before you know it.

Good luck to you!
DD-11/19/08 Baby Boy Due 9/1/10
 
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An_216957 replied to kanmai's response:
I'm sorry, but there isn't a magic pill you can take to change this. I guess it is hard for me to understand how you could be that disappointed. After trying for several years and lots of money and treatments DH and I are finally pregnant. U need to be happy with the gift you have been givin instead of being unhappy for no good reason. I hope you were smart enough to know going into this preganacy that it was only a 50/50 shot at a boy. If you wanted a boy so bad you should have just adopted a boy to make sure that's what you were getting.
 
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An_216958 responded:
Kanmai, I hope this is not a cultural thing. I can tell which culture you're from, and I am from the same culture. I really hope it's not because of the generations of prejudice against girl children in your culture that you are feeling this way.

To help you get over this, please try to think of the answers to the following questions:
What is wrong with having another girl? What do you have against girls? Why were you so heart set on having a boy?

I understand feeling a slight adjustment to having another gender than what you thought, but this much disappointment and "sadness" makes me cringe for the emotional health of your baby girl.

Don't you feel you love your first daughter? Can't you imagine another one like her in your life?

Am not trying to sound harsh. I am just concerned how your second daughter would feel if she knew how you were thinking.
 
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An_216959 responded:
To the last two responses, I just think you both were being a little bit rude. She's asking for help with an emotion that MANY of us feel. Gender dissapointment is common, and I don't think anyone should make her feel guilty for that. Motherhood carries enough guilt as it is. She never said she wasn't excited about having a baby.

Think about when you were first pregnant. How many people asked you, "So do you want a boy or a girl?" Obviously many of us start out with a preference of having one gender over the other.
 
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roni090909 replied to An_216957's response:
Someones a little bitter. We are hear to support and offer advice. Not tear each other down.
Me (30) DH (37) DS 10/20/08 New Baby Girl EDD 11/11
 
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emyjo83 replied to An_216959's response:
Well said.
Emily (26) DS (33) DS (4) DD (2) and little cricket Ryan Neiley EDD 9/29/10


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