i was wondering, im 32 weeks.. has anyone ever just wanted the boyfriend-husband-SO in the labor room, but felt bad after telling your mom that (and she got mad/jealous) gave in and said she can be in the labor room...
as soon as i told my mom that i only wanted my boyfriend in the room cause i kinda have to have him in there, seeing hes the father that i didnt want anyone else in there, she goes "oh yeah have him in there with you when ive been there all your life and would be there for you more then he would" and blah blah blah so i felt bad, so i few weeks later she brought it up again and i said i wanted her and my boyfriend in the labor room.. my boyfriend is fine with it.. but its not really what i want.. i mean i migh change my mind while in labor (im sure most people do) but why be mad cause of what i want? gah people make me so mad..
maybe ur mom has an issue with bein protective.. she may have just wanted 2 be in there with u incase u got scared or something went wrong... im sure she didnt want u 2 be scared and her not in there 2 comfort u.. maybe u and her shouldnt talk for about a week or 2 and let every thing die down
With my kids, I only wanted DH in the room for the delivery, but with my first DS my mom was there for the labor. She hung out until it was time to push and then went to the waiting room. That way my DH and I could share the birth alone. It was nice having an extra person there during labor - esp if it's your first, it can last awhile. If DH wanted to step out for a drink or to grab something to eat, at least I wasn't left by myself. My mom is really, really good with boundaries though, so I know this might not work for every mom. Just thought it was something you might want to try...she could be there to help you through labor, but then it could just be you and DB for the delivery.
When I delivered my son (as a teen) my Mom was in the room, and she was my main support person. My husband (who is not my son's father) has actually requested that my Mom attend this birth, to again support me but also him — mainly him! HAHA
It all depends on the relationship you have with your Mom -- but too me my Mom equates "safety." She's been through labor and she has a long relationship with our OB (he delivered me), and I know unlike my shy husband she will question things and stand up for me.
It is really up to you, don't let her push you into allowing her in the room, but I'd consider it. Another thing to consider is that you are still technically a minor and I believe your Mom will be signing paperwork at check in stating she is the party who is responsible for the bills, and if she wanted to fight it she might be able to convince a nurse/doctor that she should be allowed in the room. I'm really not sure of what the rules are when the mother is a minor.
As young as you are, it might be really good support for you to have your Mom there. She has been through this before. From your posts it seems like you and your Mom have a pretty good relationship.
I don't really have this option. My Mom is out of state and won't come into town until the baby is born. Now I am at a point in my life where I don't need her as much. If I would have had a baby at 16 I would definitely have wanted my Mom there.
This is your decision though. I would just give it some time and see how you feel when the time gets closer.
Me (30) DH (37) DS 10/20/08 New Baby Girl EDD 11/11
Yeah, people should have more respect for what a woman wants while she's in labor. It's a BIG deal, you know?
That being said, I wouldn't count your mother out just yet... You have no idea how helpful it might be to have a woman in the room who has been in your shoes, and will help comfort you. Your boyfriend might freak out or pass out (lol), but your mom would more than likely know exactly what to do to help you through.
When I had DD, my MIL and DH were both in the room with me. I think DH was terrified of everything going on, so he just went silent. MIL was there to help tell me what to do, and help encourage me through contractions and pushing. It was such a blessing to have her there!
I understand where you are coming from. My mom, sister and dh were in the room when ds was born. It was the same kind of deal they would have been crushed if I hadn't let them be there. It worked out okay though cause as soon as the pain really started dh freaked out and wanted to leave (he doesn't like to watch me in pain). So he and my sister left to go eat and then came back, but my mom was there. The only thing that really bugged me about that day, besides the pain of course! Was that I had requested from all of them not to let anyone else in the room while I was in labor, after the baby was there fine, but not during that time. And they let my MIL and BIL in the room. It was very irritating. I will make sure that doesn't happen again. You are never more vulnerable and out of real control then when you are in that much pain, and you shouldnt' have to be pleasent during that time, at least that is how I feel. If I were you I would just go with it, you can always have db kick her out if she starts getting on your nerves, and you can blame it on the labor later, hehe! GL
I'll take the other side of the fence and say I wouldn't want my mom there, even if DH couldn't be there. This is just me though...and I am a very modest person and you are sooooo exposed when you are in L&D that there is no way anyone BUT DH would be in room with me. Even if something happened and DH couldn't be there, I still wouldn't want my mom in there. I don't even change clothes in front of my mom. Maybe it's just the way my mom is though. She never exactly tried to foster that kind of relationship with me until I was in my late teens and by then, it was too late.
When I was pregnant with DD, mom got her feelings hurt about it too and tried to throw a guilt trip on me ("I gave birth to you" "your my baby" "you don't understand what it is like to know your baby is having a baby" etc.) I finally told her that if she wanted to be in the waiting room, she would leave me alone about it. Otherwise, I would call her AFTER DD was born to let her know it was over : ) She never said another word about it!
Well, i told my family that the only person that would be in the room was going to be DH. I think its fine if you don't want anyone else in there. They need to respect your dission. And its completely OK to change your mind! :) I actually ended up with a c-section becasue DD came 5 weeks early and DH was OUT OF TOWN for work, so I had my good friend and co-worker (who is liek a mother figure since my family lives 8 hours away!). Don't let your Mom play the "guilt card" on you either. You may be young, but its YOUR decision!!! Good Luck!! (FYI, my MIL was SOO MAD when I told her she wasn't going to be in teh delivery room, so I understand how you are feeling!)
I'm exactly like you. I just want my hubby in the room with me. Initially I gave in and said yes to my mom about having her in the room but then she started giving her opinion about how drugs are bad and she couldn't believe I wanted an epidural. I quickly changed my mind. I really didn't want her to interfer or make me feel guilty for choosing pain management drugs. She was really hurt. But ultamately it's my decision who I want in the room. This is one time in my life I can be selfish.
I agree it is total your decision as to whom you want in the room while you are giving birth. Me personally will have my husband, my mom, and my mother in law. I think it is a different feeling for them to see their grand children brought into the world. Both of them have a grand daughter already but neither one was in the room while they were being born becasue one had a c-section and the other choose at the last minute to kick her mom out. I would say that when you do make a decision stick with it because getting their hopes up that they will be in the room then kicking them out at the last min crushes them so much that it is better to deal with them being upset with you now as oppssed to right when the baby is born.
I have totaly been in your shoes, my mom, best friend and half my family are the same way! Just tell the nurses what you want and they will keep mom out with out saying it was your choice. If you change your mind and need her someone can go get her. Its your (and Db's) day!
I felt awful when I told my mom that I wanted just DB in there with me. She wasn't mad but I could tell she was disappointed. I ended up letting her stay because I felt like I needed her there (you're never too old to need your mommy!). She thanked me after and told me it was really awesome to have been a part of it. Like you said you may change your mind but this is about you and not her so don't let her feelings get in the way of yours!
I can speak from some experience on this. My mom was in the room with me when I had my first child. She hasn't been in the room with me with the birth of my other children and will be unable to be here for me for the birth of this new baby that I will be bringing into the world. But I would love for my mom to be there for me though.
When a mom becomes a mom, they want to be there for their "baby" no matter how old he/she is. I might be going on 29 yrs old but in my momma's eyes, I am still that little baby girl that she brought home from the hospital. Mom's never like to see their babies in any kind of pain and that includes giving them a grand child. HTH.
Me-28, DH-26, DD1-9, DS-5, DD2-3, DD3-17 months, EDD for DD4-9/10
with my DD my now ex but at the time DH was there and my mom was there during labor i was in labor for a long time and mom had to leave to go pick up my 8 yr old sis from school and she took a quick nap LOL she was supposed to be there with me and i was only 2 1/12 cm when she left I finally hit 3 cm and 30 min later was a 10 and ready to push i was freaking cuz hubby went to get a sandwhich he finally came back and we pushed for ever and and in the end it was me and DH and that was it, my mom missed it but she was a great support while there and it worked out for the best I had issues with hemmoraging and my mom would have freaked had she been there GOD knew what was needed. I had my mommy when I needed her and she was gone when it was best for her. this time my mommy is my sole coach and will be there hopefully and we praying this time goes better!
~JadedStar 32~DD 6~EDD 1/20/2011~Single mom and I like it that way~
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