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    The one that i lost
    happywithtwins posted:
    [TRIGGER] hello everyone and congrats to all the mothers that have made it this far. It hurts and sad to say but i lost my little on last week. i was 23 week and was home talking care of my twins and my water broke. the doctors were hoping that it wolud seal back over because it was just a small leak but that did not happen i stayed the night in the hosptial over night in pain but the next day my water fully broke my little boy was born Dec 16 2010 and he weight 1 lb 7 oz but he was a fighter he lived for 32 hours before he passed away and im still having a very hard time coping with this lost. i know that i have to be strong and take care of my twins but some days are hard i miss my tummy and i miss feeling him move inside me. i dont know what to do anymore or how im going to cope with this lost i dont talk to people anymore i cant eat because in so sad and hurt and lost the only reason i get up everyday is because i know that my other babies need me they are almost 2 and they cant fend for themselves and im a stay at home looking for a way to cope with this is a way that is good for my family but i dont know if a can. i just want my happiness back but i dont know were it went i feel like my little boys took part of me with him. what hurts them most is i was alone when he died my boyfriend went home to take care of our twins when in was still in the hosptial the doctor call my room and asked me to come down to the NICU because things werent looking good my little boy was dieing and they wanted me to hold him while he passed away and i did. i could not stop crying because i did want to see him go i wanted hime to stay with me i held him for 20 minutes before he passed away i think that was the saddist moment my life the first thing that he heard was my heart beat and that was also the last thing he heard i need help with this and i dont know what to do anymore i feel like im dieing slowly inside but i dont want to leave my family help me plez someone help me
    crispy_critty responded:
    I am extremely sad and sorry to hear of your loss. Nothing anyone says can really take away the pain you are feeling. Sometimes things happen that we have no clue why it did. It also can make you quite angry to think why a child? Why did he have to go through this? But, he isn't suffering and is in a better place now. The best thing you can do in this time is focus on your twins. Be there for them and give them all the love you had for him. I know it's really really hard to try and go back to normal after this, but for your own sake you have to try and get some normalcy back. Always keep his memory alive with you. I lost my last child at 10 weeks, I can hardly imagine the pain you're going through losing yours at 23 weeks. That has to be nearly unbearable. Just try your best to be there for your other two children. If it gets to be too much at times ask someone to take the twins for a few days so you can try and get some time where you can focus on you and your recovery. My deepest condolences on your loss. Also, if you ever need to talk we're all here. Take care.
    (Me) 25 DF 28 DS 6 DS 5 DS 4 LO EDD 5/3/11 It's a girl!!!
    camnfaithsmom responded:
    I can't begin to know your pain but can only imagine. I have never experienced a loss like yours but want you to know you aren't alone. Please reach out to friends, family or even us if things get too unbearable for you. I know there is a board on here specifically for ladies who have experienced what you are going through. They may be able to provide a strong support system for you. My heart goes out to you sweetheart, but like pp said as hard as it may be give your all to your little ones that are there with you. They need you just as much as you need them right now. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. I am sending hugs to you. I truly wish you the best in dealing with your loss. Again like pp said, if you need us for anything don't hesitate to write.
    Me-27, SO-28, Cameron-10, Faith-3, Serenity-1, Lil one due 4/10/11, officially the PINK team!!
    mindy48875 responded:
    I dont' think that there's anyting anyone can say to you right now that will ease your pain you are dealing with. I can't even imagine what you are going through. What a nightmare.... I'm so so so sorry. No mother should ever, EVER have to experience something like this. It's probably hard to do - but you really need to talk to someone. Whether it's a professional, friend, or family member. Talk, talk talk until you can't talk anymore.....and cry and mourn all that you need to. Millions of hugs and prayers go out to you and your family...
    Me(28)(DH(28) DS(2) via unnecesarian DS(1)VBAC! and the 3rd on the way! VBAC hopeful again!
    MommaSampson responded:
    I am so sorry for your loss. I know that nothing we say will be able to ease the pain and sorrow you're feeling right now but just keep doing what you're doing. Taking care and realizing that your twins and your boyfriend need you is a big thing. Like a pp said there is a board on here for people who have suffered that kind of loss. As hard as it's going to be, keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you need to talk, talk. I found that after my miscarriages I could write what I could say and that seemed to help. I prayed quite a bit as well. Once again I'm truly sorry. Prayers for your family.
    Jhawkchick responded:
    I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but please know that all of our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Me (30), DH (30), Fur Baby: Nugget(Shih-tzu/poodle, 1), EDD 3/30/2011--Pink Team!
    Amelia_WebMD_Staff responded:
    (((((hugs)))))) to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and do hope that you have (or find) a strong support system or at least one person that is there for you to lean on. It is not easy for any parent to loose a child and we all deal so differently through these terrible situations.

    You may consider reaching out to the WebMD Coping After Pregnancy Loss Community for insight from other mothers who are going through similar experiences as your own. I wish you and your family the very best and my heart goes out to you all. Please stay in touch. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
    Best Wishes! Amelia
    GlowingPrego responded:
    I am very truly sorry to hear about you losing your angel baby. I lost my son at 22 wks and I know nothing will make it ok or better just know I'm praying for you. We lost our son's differently but the pain is definitely the same. At first I was devistated, then I accepted it and felt it was part of God's plan, then I was sooo angry- right around 3 months after losing my son. It really took me a long time to cope with it and probably didn't start moving on until I became pregnant again.

    Really at this point you might want to find someone to support you, whether it's a friend, online chat or couselor. Your emotions are so normal. You are more then welcome to talk to me or I'm sure anyone here. God bless you sweetie and may he help you during this very hard time!
    JenJ325 responded:
    Wow, I couldnt imagine.. It is truly heartbreaking reading your story..Im sorry. I hope that you have a strong support system and are able to talk with them about this. Its important for you not to keep it bottled up. I work at a womens shelter and I get phone calls of all sorts, maybe you could check into some crisis line numbers to call if you really need to get some things off your chest and express yourself in a way you may not be comfortable expressing with people you know.. And one thing you need to think about, and keep in mine, if you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts or feelings (which would be quite normal for your situation), the loss youre feeling right now, is the loss your children would feel if you acted on those feelings.. Just take one day at a time, try to keep your head up and remember, you have a lot of people who will be there for you if you need it/ask for it, whether it be on here, professional help, family or friends... I sincerely wish you the best.
    camnfaithsmom responded:
    I think I speak for are still in our thoughts and prayers and we are truly pulling for you and your family. Should you still happen to be on here please keep us posted on how you are doing. Hugs!!
    Me-27, SO-28, Cameron-10, Faith-3, Serenity-1, Lil one due 4/10/11, officially the PINK team!!

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