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Delivery Room Question
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candy352 posted:
Yesterday at the doctor's office, my mom and sister decided to pop up and surprise me. I hardly see them and they know that I go to the office every other Friday. It was a little weird because DF wanted it to be just me and him. At the moment, I was in a room doing a volunteer study. DF refused to go to the waiting room to show them where we were. The nursing staff eventually led them to our room. I'm pretty sure there were some privacy violations there, but I digress. After the study was done, I had to go back to the waiting room because I still had to have my ultrasound and OB appointment. The waiting room was full and I wanted to sit by my DF and mom wanted me to sit by her. She said that DF can just stand up. I was shocked at that. She was being so mean. To make a long story longer, I told her that she cannot come into the room when I have my ultrasound, but can come when I see the OB. I really wanted some special alone time with DF at our peek of the LO and we are both on the Yellow Team. My mom really wants to know the sex though. I was scared that the tech would hint or tell her, and my mom would eventually leak the info. Even though I told her this before I was called, she still tried to come back. I had to push her away from the door, like three times!!!!

I said all of this because now I'm wondering if she knows that she will not be allowed in the delivery room. I only want my DF there with me. Did any of you tell your parents ahead of time of your plans in the delivery room or just wait until that moment and let the staff handle them? I don't know how to tell her that she will not be allowed in until the baby is born. Any suggestions?
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
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Allaya9 responded:
Lurking from 3rd trimester:

So sorry you had to go through that. Well, for me I let everyone know ahead of time that my DH is going to be the only one allowed in the delivery room. In your situation I would definitely let your mom know ahead of time and let the staff know too. They usually have no problem being the bad guys and can (and will) throw ppl out if you don't want them there.
Me 36, DH 37, EDD 9/10/11, Our 1st! Blue Team! Lochlan Sidney
 
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KBratt responded:
I told my mom ahead of time, she didn't like it, but I ended up having a c-section anyways, so DH was the only one ALLOWED in the room. (You can't have more then one person in the "sterile" environment) So thankfully we didn't have to re-visit the issue, but EVERYONE made themselves comfy in my post partum room & I had to nurse ask everyone to leave a coupe times so I could nap, LOL. At the hospital here there is an on staff masseuse & you get a free massage after you deliver so I asked everyone to leave for that too...I think emotions are running high around delivery time so ppl give you a break...if you don't feel comfortable telling her now, I would just wait. GL
Me 22; DH 21; EDD1 8/24 Kelsey Paige
 
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htma4494 responded:
Lurkinng from 3rd tri; Hi Candy, I cant imagine having to tell my mom that, Good luck, b/c if shes anything like my mom, she would be pissed off if I told her that she's not allowed in the delivery room, but ultimatley it is your choice and if you want it to be just you and DF then everyone should respect your decision, its your baby, your body, your choice..However, the only people that Im letting in the delivery room with me is my mom and DF which my DF will probably pass out, so I;m going to need my mom there for extra support!!!LOL
Me: 24, DF: 27, EDD: 11/9/10 (1st Child) Team Blue!!!
X0X0, Cia
 
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candy352 replied to htma4494's response:
LOL, yeah, I think she will be pissed too. She was already upset because I didn't want her to come into the ultrasound with me. DF said he got the evil eye when he walked by her to come in, LOL. I really don't know how to break it to her. DF is the only one I need in the room with me and I could see my mom trying to take control of everything.
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
 
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Lysana responded:
Oh my gosh! I am just amazed - who shows up randomly for someone else's doctor's appointment? Who thinks they have that right, uninvited? My mom is welcome to most everything baby-related with us, and she knows that, but she would never just show up, uninvited! WOW. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

OH, and I can't believe the staff just took her back there without asking you, first, although, in their defense, if a patient's mom and sister show up and say they were invited...it's so common...I can see where they might have just believed them. You may want to let them know in the future, though, that you'd prefer to be asked before someone is brought back to your appointments. Yikes.

I really don't have any suggestions on L&D, but I hope you can figure out some way to do it without causing too much tension. For me, Mom and MIL were both welcome in the delivery room, so it wasn't an issue. However, I'd probably let them know ahead of time so that if they ARE inconvenienced by coming down there and being turned away, it's because they ignored your request, not because you didn't tell them.
Kelly (32) ~ Craig (36) ~ Eliana (4.5) ~ Joshua (3) ~ Bekah (13 mo) ~ EDD 2/24/2012 ~ ^i^ Pumpkin (Mar 2011) ~ ^i^ (Jan 2006)
 
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kd0erj responded:
Lurking from Third tri...

I am sorry your mom was like that. I just told my family a few weeks ago that it was just going to be me and DH until after delivery. My MIL was fine with that, but my mom started crying because she wanted to be there, and then proceeded to tell me that when she had me, she only wanted my dad there, and my grandma showed up uninvited. So wouldn't you understand where I'm coming from?? Geez people!!
 
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ffwife23Kt replied to kd0erj's response:
With my first I had my MIL, my mom and my DH and I was glad they were all there and they were very respectful (after a stern talking to) My MIL wanted to video tape the birth (um no thanks) but once we said what we wanted she simmered down. With this one it will just be DH and I in the delivery room. We have already discussed it and our families are okay with it. (I mean that my family is okay with it but his family is a little bummed since it's the first granddaughter on both of our sides and everyone is beyond excited for her arrival)
You have to do what is best for you and if you don't want her in there make sure you say so. You can tell the nurses too and if she tries to come in they will escort her out. You at least gave her warning. Good luck!!

Katie 26, DH Brad 29, DS 22 months, DD on the way! EDD 12/18/11
 
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candy352 replied to kd0erj's response:
Oh wow, Yeah I would think that she would understand. I'm going to tell her ahead of time, just don't know how to do it. I think that she may understand. This won't be her first grandchild either, it will be her 5th. I'll figure out a way though. Thanks for all of your responses.
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
 
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adaily replied to candy352's response:
I was worried about telling my mom as well (she had been dropping little hints and suggestions the DAY we announced I was pregnant)-- Instead of making a big deal out of it and making it a "discussion" I casually brought it up in conversation while we were baby shopping. I said something along the lines of, "Oh DH and I are so excited to hold our little girl and we are really looking forward to spending those first few moments with her just the two, well three, of us and cuddling her." Before she could even respond I just continued to go on about how excited DH is to go out to the waiting room afterward and walk in with all of the grandparents for the first time. And just kept talking up how excited we were about how special the moment was going to be for DH and I until the "Oh, but..." look was off her face.

She was less than thrilled and has since dropped a few comments here and there, but I choose to ignore them and change the subject as quickly as possible. At least she now knows what to expect come delivery time.

I hope you find this helpful.
 
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candy352 replied to adaily's response:
LOL, I do find that tremendously helpful! Thanks. That's a wonderful idea to tell her. I'll try that.
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
 
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oboingo76 replied to candy352's response:
Good luck Candy! I do like Adaily's idea too. I had a similar situation with my mom. She lives on the other side of the country. She kept insisting she wanted to come here for the birth, but MY problem was not her wanting to be in the delivery room (she knows that would not be allowed), but having her staying with us while we brought our new baby home. I just need time for us to come home and get into our routine with just us here and our house in it's normal state. When she comes to town she stays with us and it's too much for me even without a newborn. She is very demanding and doesn't leave me alone while she's here. So I had to explain to her that I didn't want anyone staying from out of town while we brought the baby home and were trying to adjust and get into a routine. (Plus I think it's a very special time for my husband and I to bond with our baby as a family - we need that time alone).

She got a little snotty and said "well I'm not people visiting from out of town I'm your mother and I would just be helping you with your baby". I had to be stern and explain that fathers are much more hands on these days with the help. She eventually let up, though I'm still not sure she's over it. I hate to say it but you have to be selfish at times like this and do what is best for you and your family. The energy that surrounds you and your new family is so important! It should be positive without any resentment or added stress from the outside.
 
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candy352 replied to oboingo76's response:
Moms can be so pushy! Well now it is our time to be pushy. So I'm going to tell her the next time I speak with her, because it is time to be selfish. Thanks for all of your comments.
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
 
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DaleCDean29 responded:
I told both my mom and MIL with DD that neither was going to be in the room with me simply because I didn't want the whole I was in there and you weren't thing. This time around I think it will just be me and DH cause MIL and FIL will have DD and my mom lives in CA


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