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People telling me NOT to breastfeed.
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oboingo76 posted:
I just have to vent. I have three sister in laws on my husband's side - two of them married to his brothers. I was sitting with them a couple weekends ago and one of them asked me if I was planning to breastfeed. I said I was definitely going to try. Now I didn't bring up the topic and I was NOT talking about it in a high and mighty way (I say this because I know that's now some people can be). I simply said what I typed above.

Well neither of them breastfed, which I could care less about. Every person's decision is THEIR decision and I have no opinions generally one way or the other about how anyone else feeds their baby.

However, they both began trying to talk me OUT of it! SERIOUSLY? One began talking about how she didn't want to have to not drink alcohol. The other talked about how you have to watch what you eat and it's a pain. Then she proceeded to say that there was no way she was going to be the primary food source and have to get up at night to feed her kids more than her husband did - that he had to get up just as much as she did. I began thinking "wow, I really didn't judge you before about what you chose to do but you should really NOT be saying these things out loud because you're changing my mind". (She's very snotty about her husband).

Then the other one started agreeing with her saying that I shouldn't have to get up more than my husband when I'm the one recovering from giving birth.

I'm also sick of people telling me how I'm going to be as a mom. We have a cat and I have one friend who when her baby was born, she just didn't pay any attention to her cat so he began acting up for attention and she wanted to get rid of him. I also have MANY other friends who had pets before having babies and they still adore their pets. Just this one friend who tells me she feels bad for my poor cat because of how HER cat got neglected and that I'll do the same thing.

Don't tell me how I'm going to be!!

Ugh! I'm sorry about all the rants but I just get frustrated and wonder if anyone else has this happen???
Reply
 
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ffwife23Kt responded:
Hey oboingo76-
I am so sorry you had to sit through that conversation!

I can't say that I have had a similar experience with my family but I understand your need to vent and vent away! That is what we are here for!

First of all the decision to BF is totally yours and I would tell anyone off who even tried to convince me otherwise. They are my boobs thank you very much and I'll decide what to do with them.
As far as them saying that they didn't want to do more then their husbands I am totally appalled! I can't imagine every feeling that way or saying anything along those lines about my husband. Believe me if he had the ability to BF then he would do it too! He is just that type of hands on dad. I guess I am one of the lucky ones but how disrespectful they are to even say that about their husbands. I was still able to have a glass of wine when I wanted to or drink a beer while I was BF so that excuse is totally dumb. You can pump and dump if you are worried or you can buy these little test strips that detect the alcohol in your breast milk but I never had to worry and my dr told me to drink beer because the yeast helps your milk supply. It sounds like they want to get wasted and not have to worry about their milk or doing any of the work. To each their own I guess! Good luck with that and don't feel bad standing up for what you want. They can disapprove all they want, it's your body and your baby.

Katie 26, DH Brad 29, DS 22 months, DD on the way! EDD 12/18/11
 
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candy352 replied to ffwife23Kt's response:
Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I agree with PP. It is your personal decision. As far as the comment about the husband, a person can just pump so both parents will have equal opportunity to feed baby. If she didn't want to get up in the middle of the night to take care of baby, why have a child anyway? Did she not think that she would have to go through that? Stick with your decision sweetie and don't let others opinions try to deter you.
Candy 26, DH 37, First pregnancy, EDD: 1/6/12 Team Yellow!!!!!
 
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oboingo76 replied to candy352's response:
Thanks for understanding both of you! My decision isn't wavering at all, I just can't believe how people stick their noses in.

One thing I forgot to include is that the husband hater was trying to tell me that breast milk is really not any better than formula! I mean I understand if people don't want to BF and I might not even be successful at it, but it's statistically proven that breast milk is better for the baby. She just thinks/hopes I'm too stupid to know all this. She also happens to be a person who we all knew had kids for the attention of it. She barely spends any time with them at all (and it's choice, not necessity - I am NOT knocking moms who HAVE to work long hours and perhaps have other family obligations, like taking care of ill family members, etc in addition to work, so the childcare duties have to fall primarily on their partner. This is not the case with her.). Her husband does just about everything. I know exactly what she was doing - when my other sister in law asked if I was going to BF and I said I planned on it, she had to make it about her and explain why she didn't. It's just who she is.

I'm just sick to death of people assuming I'm like them or will be just like them when my baby comes. Everyone is different.
 
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mmwells1229 responded:
I would have to vent too if I was in your shoes! Once you start to show, or people find out you are expecting, the advice (usually unwanted) starts pouring in from complete strangers to family (and I don't know if it ever stops, even after the baby is walking and talking!). It seems to me that no matter what, we just can't make everyone (or sometimes anyone) happy. I have never experienced what you are going through though (I BF my daughter and pumped when I went back to work), most of the time you hear the lecture about how you SHOULD BF. Yes, formula has come a long way, but as good as it may be, it's been proven that for multiple reasons (other than just nutritional) BFing IS better. But I also understand that this doesn't always work for some moms (I had to start supplementing when my daughter was 7 months old, as much as I tried to avoid it). As far as the excuse about not having to get up in the night and making your husband do it, well I have two problems with that: 1.) Most men don't get maternity leave last I checked and they have to be able to function at work a week after the baby is born and 2.) if that was really their main reason for not BFing, they could have pumped for when their husband wanted to feed the baby (my husband actually requested that I do this so he could have some father-daughter bonding time with our first). Anyway, you do whatever works for you, and try not to worry about what everyone else did or thinks you should do Only you know what the best option for you and your baby is

Me 26, DH 26, DD 2, Baby #2 EDD 2/14/12
 
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rmbmomof2 replied to mmwells1229's response:
BFing is a personal and private thing, noone should make such comments to any mother who plans to BF. Its not like you bash them for formula feeding their kids! I am like you, I wouldn't care one way or the other if someone does or not. I prefer to BF but if/when the time comes that I have to supplement with FF I do. Its what each mother is most comfortable with and really not up for discussion. Just dont let their opinions affect yours. I guess we learn (sometimes the hard way) who we can and cannot discuss these things with. Sorry for your frustration, many of us share them with you. Enjoy that little baby!


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