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Paternity testing, VENT!
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09shelby posted:
So ladies, I apologize in advance. A little history for those who do not know. My babies father and I are not "together" in a relationship. We have seen each other off and on since I became pregnant, he has gone to a few dr appt's, we have gotten together to discuss things about the baby. We did the hospital tour together a few weeks ago. WE have talked pretty regularly. I will admit to getting extremely frustrated with him on occassion, partially because of the lack of emotion or anything from him. In the very beginning there was mention of a dna test, I told him then it would be no problem because I know this is his child but we would have to wait till the baby is born. Well that was fine and we had not discussed it any more. We have talked about day care, health insurance plans, holiday coming up, etc. So TODAY, this SOB sends me a text message telling me how much his insurance is and that his HR person is checking to see if it will cover a dna/paternity test because he wants it done soon! WTH, so of course I got pissed. Not at the insurance cost, mine would be $200 per pay period adding the baby his would be $12 weekly for the baby. I asked him where he got his info and when he thinks this can be done. He says it is a "simple procedure" that I can google it to look for myself. Well so I did and I emailed him at least 4 different testing info pages that state how it is done before the baby is born (the CVS in 1st trimester, or amnio in 2nd) and all risk factors, etc. I inform him that is not an option just for determing he is the father and the risks are not worth even considering for me. I also told him whomever he got this info from was not a doctor let alone they are not my doctor.I informed him that unless my doctor could give me a 100% guarantee that doing this would be completely safe for me and my child then it would not happen before I deliver. And for the first time I also mentioned to him that the court system would do paternity testing.

Anyways ladies, sorry for the venting but let me know, am I wrong for getting this upset over him today? TIA
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cmb7102 responded:
Thats okay, hugs to you I am going through the EXACT same thing, so thankgod its almost over with for me.

 
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KTL2001 responded:
I do not think that you are wrong for getin upset about the way that he went about things or the risk that he wants to cause. He does however have a right to know for sure, and like you said that can be done after the baby is born. And you are correct if you go after him for child support then the court system will do a dna test. Has he said anything about not signing the birth certificate until he finds out? Because upon signing the birth certicate they make the father do a afidavit stating to the state that they are the father and that is legally binding.
 
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kbrown55 responded:
I say no way! Let him wait until the LO is here and have it done then. Why would he want to put his child into any type of unneccessary danger or at risk when he can just wait. It's your body - you have the final say. I dare say even the court system would let you wait until the baby arrived. Good luck!!
 
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09shelby responded:
He has not mentioned not signing it as of yet. I know here in NC since we are not married they would require a "affidavit of parentage" as well. He also has not mentined this either. And I am all for giving him the paternity test after the bby is born. In fact I even understand from a single persons point of view. I am very positive it is his child because he is the only person I was with for the year we were seeing each other. So for me there is no doubt and he is aware of that. He just wants the peace of mind and to shut his friends up I think. Thank ladies for the advice.
 
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09shelby responded:
Sucks to deal with it, hope things improve for you as well. And I only have almost 11 weeks remaining so time is flying by.
 
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aw3549 responded:
You are not out of line! Sure, I can understand that he wants to be 100% sure about everything before he becomes responsible, but not at the risk of this baby. For one, I would be so offended if my BF doubted my babies paternity! But, you are totally willing to let his fears be addressed after the baby is born. Unless you are putting extreme demands on him for money and such without him knowing if it's his, he should not be feeling justified in making demands on you for the testing before the baby is born. It doesn't sound like you are putting those demands on him, so he should not be demanding anything from you either. He or you have 30 days after the baby is born to put the baby on your insurance and have all the babies medical expenses covered from the time it is born. So there is not reason for testing while still in the womb!
 
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bahamiangem responded:
You definitely have the right to be upset. He should wait until after the baby is born. It's not going to hurt him to wait.

Now in terms of paternity I've had my own issues with that as my DH found out last year that his son is not his biological son. And mind you after 10 years and the woman now feels oh soooo bad that she did that and she's so sorry blah blah. Needless to say I don't hear one peep from her at all. She swore up and down before that it was his child and if he ever did a paternity test she would take him away and he would never see him again. Finally my DH took it upon himself to do a paternity test because he had doubts and sure enough the results said it wasn't his child. So sad but true.

Sorry to go off on my own vent there. But yea he really shouldn't push you to do anything at all right now. You are willing to get the test after birth so he shouldn't have anything else to say. I hope everything works out great for you hun!
 
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09shelby responded:
Hey well actuallyI am seriously offended and hurt by his asking me for one, but I got over that. Since when we were seeing eachother regularly he knew I wasn't seeing anyone else. However, I agreed or told him I would agree to a test after te baby is here. I do understand his fears as some of them are the same as mine. As far as money goes, actually I have only asked him to help me 2 times wit dr copays and that is it. We were just discussing health insurance and whose policy the baby should go on cost wise as well as day care, etc. So I could also see it if I was after his money, but I am not. But I am glad to know I am not alone in thinking he is insane if he thinks that testing now is any sort of option.
 
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09shelby responded:
Thanks Cherelle and that sucks that you & your DH had to deal with that. It is really a shame that some people are so incredibly dishonest and would put everyone through that including a child. I get very upset hearing about people that do that, unfortunately I know they exist. I also realize that it puts a bad look for everyone even the ones who are trying to do the right thing.

And yea he can wait till after my LO is here. I hate that he may regret even thinking this way. I think that is why he has been so standoffish and pushed himself away. I think he may regret or realize what he may miss out on by doing this. O well, I can't change him and would never try. It will all work out in the end. Sucks to deal with, but hey life isn't easy. BTW I love te name you picked for your little boy.
 
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alwyshungry responded:
I'm sorry, but this kind of thing really pisses me off. Thank God I havent had to deal with it, but I have had friends that got stuck with heaps of donkey dung that acted just like that. I say to hell with him. You have every right to be mad. He invests very little of himself while you carry this baby and yet, he has the nerve, the unmitigated GALL to suggest you have a procedure performed that could be risky to you or your/his baby? I guess I have Maury Povich to thank for my anger, but this kind of thing pisses me off! His @ss can wait until this little boy pops out, and if he cant, oh well. You're not as mad as I would be, so kudos to you for dealing so well. GL!!!!!
 
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09shelby responded:
Well actually I m as mad o worse than you, I just hide it better on here. LOL, my best friend in CA is who I get to vent loudly too. We take turns, ha ha. Anyways I completely agree with you and he can & will wait till this little guy gets here. And like you said if he can and will wait till this baby gets here. As far as I am concerned he is minimally involved or connected as of now anyways. So I never expected him to act this way. It is unfrtunate that it takes things to happen to see people true colors. I really thought he would never be this way. That is what sucks the most. Oh well, glad to find out now versus later I guess rigt. Thanks for your support and opinions also though.
 
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madcry responded:
You have every right to be upset. I went through this with my oldest daughter and I told her father that he could have his paternity test, but that if he did not to even think about coming around. I don't know how it is where you live, but I'm from Texas and I know that here when you establish the child support they include the health insurance and if the father doesn't provide the health insurance, they have to reimburse you for it.
 
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dh5511 responded:
There is a big difference between a sperm donor and a father. The baby is probably better off without him if he is not going to be a stable consistent role model and provider. The LO doesnt need someone who is going to blow in and out of his life {like he is doing to you}. If you can do it alone. Leave the testing in his hands to pursue. Sometimes the measley support check isnt worth it!!Be strong and Good Luck!!!
 
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chinsychick responded:
It is amazing to me how many versions there are to this type of situation. when I first posted mine I never expected that there would be others going through this... This board is a great way to vent and get support so honey as they've told me you vent away... All the best to u.


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