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Community discussion (Grandparents in Spain asked to strike!)
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff posted:
Very interesting article:http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/24/spain-grandparents-childcare-strike-union and I thought we could discuss how grandparents care for their grandchildren in 2010.

I am very involved in the daily care of my grandchildren and although it is difficult at times, I know my grandchildren will benefit for it. When needed I take them to school, pick them up, and watch them on the weekends my daughter needs to work. I also work a 40 hour week.

What do you think the roll of grandparent should be in regards to daycare/help for grandchildren? Do you agree with grandparents going on strike?
Reply
 
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sarah0323 responded:
I was raised by my grandparents so without them I don't know where I would be at today. My grandma still helps me with my children. We also live one house from her. My grandma helps us by taking the kids when they are sick so I can still go to work, they also go to her house after school until I get home. She will take them to the dr.'s if I need her too. She goes to every school function and sporting event. She is very involved in their lives and you can tell how much they love her. They want to share everything with her. The first phone number they learned was her's so they can call grandma anytime they want. We have dinner with her several times a week. They have a very close bond with her.

My SO parents aren't so involved at all. We go over and see them at least once a month. We only live 10 minutes apart but they never come to our house. You can tell that there isn't the closeness there that they share with their other grandma. They don't attend school functions or their events or if they do it is like pulling teeth for me to get them there. My SO tells me that his parents didn't go to his things either. Which I think is sad. Occasionally they will take them for a few hours on the weekends if we have something going on. In all honesty they really don't know my children that well. You can tell that they don't have that bond. My kids know that this is their grandparents but they aren't close.

I think the rolls of grandparents are different for every family. Though I would like to think that grandparents would want to be involved in all aspects of their grandchildren's lives. I know that isn't always possible though. There is also a huge difference in raising and helping. In one part of the article it was like the grandmother was raising the child. In that instance I might want to go on strike as well, but I was raised by my grandparents and they never went on strike. They always loved and cared for me even though their children were raised and out of the house. I think we have to make a choice and go with what works for each family. The parents and grandparents need to be openly talking about what each expects/wants.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to sarah0323's response:
Great insight Sarah,

I am my daughter's backup and she is very good at not asking too much. But in all honesty, I love having my grands with me. My grandma died when I was very young but her time with me still means a lot.
 
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izzybelle74 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
I let that all up to my parents and my SO s mom on what they want to do . my kids are 12 and 9 and they between the two ogf those families babysat my oldest 2 while we worked full time jobs . Now with my little one its all different my mom is working a full time job and my MIL is alot further away from us to have her babysit. lucky for us they both want to be in his life just the same so I will leave that up to them when and if they want to watch Kaden.I think its important for all the kids sake to have a close relationship with their grandparents ! I wasn't all that close with mine but my SO was with his!!
 
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sarah0323 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
I actually hurt my grandma's feelings when I told her one day that she didn't have to do something for the kids. She wants to and told me that if she didn't she wouldn't have said she would. Sometimes I really think that is her reason to get up in the mornings.

It is so nice that you are close enough that you can be your daughter's backup. I truely beleive it does take a village to raise a child. I think that the "village" has changed over the years but that we all need help.
 
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hopeks27 responded:
You all made me want to cry!! I love the idea of grandparents in their grandchildrens lives, but tha tis not how my family works. My DH parents are a big part of my DD life and will be with the new LO but only do they watch her on very special occ. We visit them often though. My grandma watched my DD for the first year so I could work without putting her in day care. After the first year she is just to weak to do it anymore.

My father lives in another state but has more to do with my DD than my own mom who is 30min away. We have chose to not let her have alot to do with her because she drinks to much and will not respect our wishes on how we want her raised.

I wish for nothing more than to have what several of you have just described in grandparents. I hope to be a wonderful grandparent some day and be able to take care of and be there to support my kids and grandkids. I truly do not understand what would make a grandparent not want to be part of their grandchilds life as much as possiable? I thought that was the reward for raising your own kids.
 
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HAILEYNICOLE2007 responded:
This may be a crabby way of going about it. I do want the grandparents on bothsides involved with my kids, BUT only if they agree to do things my way. Follow my rules. If I get the baby on a schedule, please leave him on the schedule. If I say he can or can't have something, that is how it goes. I don't want them spoiled very badly. Etc. My grandma was very involved in my life which I loved and miss her dearly! My DH's grandmas were very involved in his life and he is greatful for it. Grandparents are special.
DH(28) Me(27) First baby--boy--due Dec 30.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to hopeks27's response:
My mom wasn't maternal either and I was lucky to have a brief relationship with my grandmother. My children knew of my mother but not as a grandparent figure. I wasn't going to be like my mother. I think that's why my children are so grateful.
 
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michelleloehr replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
my grandparents weren't involved in my lift at all, I mean they were there and they showed up to the big events like christmas, graduation, the occassional baseball game when I was younger but they didn't make it a point of watching us or taking us out to a movie or anything like that. My great-grandma tried to be really involved w/ our lives but she was quite abit older and wasn't really able to get out of the house much but she'd tell mom to drop us off on a saturday morning so we could help her bake cookies or do stuff around her house w/ her. I really miss my great grandma.

As for my parents, I think (having watched her w/ my sis's kids) my mom is trying to overcompensate for our grandparents not being around by being super grandma. Mostly she does stuff to spoil them but my sis and her family are in the miltary so mom really only sees the kids about 1-2 times a year so I'm not sure how she's going to be w/ a grandkid around full time. I would assume not so bad or she'll be bankrupt by the time the baby is two.

DH's paretns, I don't know. FIL I think wants to be involved w/ the kids but doesn't know how to (his father was very hands off of kid raising and he was too when DH was little so I don't think he knows what he should/can do w/ kids). MIL acts like she wants to be involved but when the kids are around her she doesn't really interact w/ them. Like when she's babysitting, she'll be in one room watching tv and the kids will be in the other room watching tv. she tends to buy affection from them w/ lots of gifts and stuff. Which I'll put a stop to w/ our baby because I don't need rooms full of toys that baby doesn't play with. DH's grandma was very involved w/ DH growing up and I want her to be a part of our baby's life but she is in failing health so time spent w/ baby will have to be w/ us there kinda of stuff because she can't physically handle kids anymore
 
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breezy_83255 responded:
Lurking, but I like this discussion. I'll be here in a few more weeks anyway! :smile:

I grew up about a mile from my maternal grandparents and my maternal great-grandmother. My grandparents were wonderful. We took turns staying at their house, my grandpa visited almost every day when he came to feed his horses, we rode our bikes to visit my grandma where she worked. I spent a lot of time with them. They didn't really babysit us much because my mom was a SAHM until we were old enough to watch ourselves. I'm still very close to both of them. I think a lot of their grandparenting skills came from them trying to give their grandchildren the things their children had missed out on. My grandpa's mom didn't take care of her grandkids, didn't allow them to call her grandma, and was, quite honestly, mean! My grandma grew up without her mother due to her passing away at a young age. I am still extremely close with my grandparents. We visit regularly and my grandma even took care of DD1 when I worked part time when she was an infant. I love the fact that DD1 is so close to them.

My dad's mom lived across the country. We saw her every other year at most. She didn't send cards, gifts, or talk to us on the phone. I love her dearly, but she wasn't an intricate part of my life. She is now suffering from Alzheimers, so my children will never really know her. DH hasn't even met her.

DH's parents live nearby. They babysit BIL's children regularly, but not ours. We go for short visits, and DD1 spends the night once in a blue moon. They're fantastic grandparents, but not as lovey dovey as mine!

My parents live 9 hours away. They visit when they can. They talk to the girls, send cards and gifts, and try to be as much a part of their lives as possible. My mom will come take care of both girls when I have this baby in January.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to breezy_83255's response:
You can post anytime you wish. All are welcomed here! I think what we are finding in this discussion is that grandparents can be a wonderful part of a child's life. I am very lucky to have such a close family.


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