I am 32 weeks along and the last couple weeks have been miserable. My feet, ankles, hands and face are swollen. My maternity clothes aren't fitting. Its a struggle just to roll over or get out of bed to go to the bathroom during the night. I can't get comfortable. Everyone including my DH is annoying me. I feel completely unprepared. I'm going broke getting things for the baby. I'm not having a baby shower because I'm new to the area and have no friends/family nearby. I don't feel ready to have a baby (although 28 yrs old and married so I should be). Sorry I'm just tired of being pregnant and don't take much joy in it anymore. I look like the Pillsbury dough boy, haven't had sex with my DH in 4 months, and just feel entirely alone. The baby room is no where near complete, DH and I haven't agreed on a name yet (he doesn't even ever suggest any), blah blah blah. Its like we're in denial that we are even having a baby! I am growing increasingly agitated and anxious and wondering if this is just hormones or maybe I really am going crazy. Its hard to think of much positive things in my life right now and wondering if any other first time moms are feeling the same way? Aren't I supposed to be all giddy, excited, and feel this strong motherly love that surpasses all understanding towards the little life growing inside of me? What's wrong with me???
Take the Poll
In your third tri - what is your state of mind?
Giddy, glowing, excited, and feeling beautiful.
Tired, uncomfortable, annoyed, and feeling unattractive.
I voted tired, uncomforable.... simply b/c this is my second, I popped sooner so I'm tired of maternity clothes and I'm just ready for this baby to come. I'm 35 weeks.
However, with my first I was giddy, glowing, etc but I had things to be excited about. I guess I can see where you are coming from with not having any showers or friends/family nearby to share in your excitement. That would make it less exciting for me too.
I hope that there are some ways for you to start to feel excited for your baby!!! It's the most exciting thing in life besides maybe getting married, so I hope there are some ways for you to start enjoying it more. Hang in there you don't have much longer and it will go faster than you think!
I love this pole Haha, I'm glad i'm not the only one that feels like answer #2! My husband actually made me cry last night cause he told me he thought I was beautiful and i couldn't stand to look in the mirror yesterday! I envy all the giddy glowing girls, I just feel tired all the time!
Emily 22, DH 21, Sarah 1 1/2, Charlotte due Oct 27th.
You are not alone. The only reason I am glowing is due to the outbreak of acne on my face! I am covered in acne front to back, head to abdomen. I feel huge, swollen and am starting resent people for saying - you don't look like you've gained any weight. Politeness is one thing - but out right lying to my face is insulting. I know I've gained weight (like 40 pounds). They don't have to be brutally honest, but come on!
I have never been the 'maternal' type and was really worried about not feeling 'giddy'. I've never been the one that melts when a baby is in the room and still get very nervous when I am around an infant. It took a very long time for me to open up to the idea of having a baby.
I have been pleasantly surprised by how connected I am to being pregnant and to my LO. I guess I do have some 'mommy genes' somewhere in my DNA. As long as I don't give-in to the actual mommy jeans I will be okay.
Good luck with everything and hang in there. Hormones or not - this too shall pass and there is nothing wrong with you!
Thanks for your Reply!
Wow...your post is just like a mirror image of me and my DH. Except I'm having showers...but I almost wish I wasn't. I can't stand half my family, and hate making small talk with people.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I'm blaming my DH for all the issues we're having, and for him stonewalling on names. Some men are horse behinds, and thats all.
This poll makes me laugh because im having a bipolar pregnancy lol. One day im like I hate all of this I never wanna be pregnant again and the next im like im so excited and do my hair and make up and feel good. LOl my BF is so confused. I am completely uncomfortable and tired all the time. I hate how HUGE my feet and hands are. I unfortunatly got that pregnancy induced carple tunnel...its awful. My hands look like the mario brothers!! Other than that my BF and my family are really nice about how I look. My BF makes it his goal to tell me how beautiful I am it makes me blush......sometimes I think he says these things so he can keep getting sex lol!! My family tells me im cute so that much im okay with. Ill be 37 weeks in 2 more days and so happy this is all almost over and I get to meet this little boy!
You sound like my twin! LOL but sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what emotions are from my bipolar and what's just prego hormones. I'll be 31 weeks tomorrow, today I feel like this is going to be the longest 9 weeks of my life.. but it was just yesterday that I was freaking out to by BF that 9 weeks isn't enough time to get everything ready for our little girl! I can't answer this poll because everyday is soo different
What is pregnancy carpal tunnel? The last couple of days my hands hurt so much - this is probably what arthritis feels like. It even hurts to type this. I was assuming it was due to the swelling but maybe its carpal tunnel?
I think the swelling can cause pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's what you have. Regardless of what one it is, it should go back to normal after the baby gets here. (Sometimes, with these things, it feels like we'll never feel "normal" again - I know I felt that way near the end of my pregnancy with my third baby, and I remember being amazed when I realized, a little while after she was born, that certain things didn't hurt anymore!) In the meantime, a wrist brace might give you some relief.
I'm not speaking from personal experience (about the carpal tunnel), but I know others who have dealt with it, and I think that's the reason (swelling) and that a wrist brace can help. You could talk to your care provider about it and see what they suggest.
Hope you can get some relief!
Oh, another thing, in response to your original post - before DD#1 was born - I was 27, a month away from turning 28, so just about your age - I felt...just SO not ready to have a baby. I wasn't regretting anything, but I was so afraid of how things would change. I was sure that life, as I knew it, was about to end, and I totally freaked out about it. DH started to get frustrated with me, because he thought I was being selfish (thinking of my own "freedom" and lifestyle rather than just being SOOOO HAAAPPY ABOUT THE BABY). I cried the night before we went in for my induction, just so freaked out about bringing another person into our house and how that would change things.
I'm not sure what changed, exactly, but once we had her...yeah, it was HARD, but it was also amazing. And because I was expecting it to be "the end of the world as we know it," and it wasn't...the hard parts didn't seem nearly as hard. I fell so in love with that little person...no, not right away. It took a few days, to be honest. One of my first thoughts of her was, and I remember this so clearly, "Is she even a part of my family?" because she looked DEAD ON like DH's family. Zero of me whatsoever. But...becoming a mommy was amazing. I really, REALLY didn't expect it to be, especially during those last ten or so weeks, but it was, and since then, we've had two more, and we're cooking #4.
BTW, the "new baby is HARD" factor was MUCH more difficult for DH to deal with once she got here, I think because he was expecting it to be so amazing, and, heck yeah, it is, but he was totally unprepared for just HOW hard it was. Since I was expecting it to be the end of all things, my perspective was different, and it ended up being easier on me after she was born, even though I was the one freaking out before she arrived.
Hope this helps a little! I can totally relate to how you're feeling, though, at least emotionally (and the physical discomfort you've described must make it even harder, ugh!) It's a scary prospect, bringing a new person into your home when it's just been you and DH for a while, and it's okay that you don't always feel excited about it. You won't love your little one any less once s/he gets here because of how you feel now.
I have the 'pregnancy induced carpal tunnel' as well. I woke up with it a few weeks ago and it hasn't gone away. I am 37w 3d and I feel like total crap most of the time. I feel ugly, fat and annoyed. I love this baby already but I'm so over the belly and all the cutesy junk.
I totally sympathize. My first pregnancy I was basically like a bright light walking around I was glowing so much. Now? I look in the mirror and see my freckles and forehead crinkles and my pale, sallow skin and wonder what the heck happened to me. I'm not the prettiest woman alive but at least I looked ALIVE! I'm so tired all the time it's all I can do to keep myself going, so whatever little energy I have leftover from working, taking care of DS/DH, cooking and the occasional cleaning I reserve for just sitting and mellowing out. Isn't it amazing how terrible you can feel about yourself when you're doing something so amazingly beautiful? I'm trying nowadays to take care of myself and dress nicer so that I don't feel like a whale whenever I go out. It's hard, but it's a small step to not feeling like I want to scream, cry and tear my hair out of my head.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I feel exactly as you described... "thinking about my own 'freedom' and lifestyle rather than just being so happy about the baby..".
My DH and I have only been married a year now and struggling with some issues and going to counseling... I'm so fearful that he will continue living his life the way he wants while I'm stuck at home raising the baby all by myself. I feel so unattractive... if he wanted to he could leave me at any time and find someone else. Me on the other hand am 8 months preggo, swollen and fat with a baby on the way. I don't have the option to leave and find a better path for my life like he would. (Not saying this is the case but just saying...). Men can pick up an leave whenever they want but us women don't have that option! It's not fair!
Anyway I was reading about pregnancy hormones online and one article said, "It's not uncommon to feel like you've lost control over your body and your life during this time". This is exactly how I feel...
I really hope that once I learn to fall in love with the baby it will put everything in perspective like it did for you. I've just got to hang in there and stay positive!!
Girl, remember you are beautiful. I'm 31 weeks, and got hit on by a stranger a couple weeks ago, even though it is pretty obvious that I'm very pregnant. Alot of guys are really into pregnant chicks, so remember that. Sure, he can pick up and leave whenever, but so can you, and also you can find a non sleazy guy who thinks pregnancy is hot. They are out there. As well as plenty of guys with hero complexes who want to swoop in and "save" the single mom. (My sister finds alot of those)
(((hugs))) I certainly can't tell you it will get easier, because it's different for everyone. I have heard that women who struggle with depression during pregnancy are more prone to postpartum depression, so please be on the lookout for that, let your DH know so he can be on the lookout, and if either of you starts to notice symptoms, talk to a professional about it ASAP.
That said, I had mild to moderate depression at the end of my pg with DD#1, and moderate to severe depression for about half of my pregnancy with DS (from maybe 18 weeks on), but I've never experienced postpartum depression. So not EVERY woman who has antepartum depression also has postpartum depression, and please don't expect to get it. For me, it couldn't have been further from the reality.
I will pray that it is similar for you, but remember, everyone's experience is different, and if you're not "living up to your expectations" at first, don't worry - it takes a while for the hormones to level out.
As for your fears with your relationship with DH, although I can't relate personally, I can understand them. I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by going to counseling, and I think it would be wise to continue it for the rest of your pregnancy and after the baby gets here. I think counseling is good for ANY couple, because there are ALWAYS going to be issues when two people live together!
I hope you feel better soon. I always feel out of control, emotionally, during pregnancy (while pg with my 3rd baby, I snapped at the older kids ALL THE TIME), and I'm always amazed at how things seem to become more manageable after the baby is born. It's certainly rough, because of lack of sleep, change in routines, etc, but I find on a day-to-day basis, when I'm moderately rested, I can handle frustrations and irritations (like the kids running like mad through the house, "dancing" (stomping) and "singing" (yelling) over and over again) much better than during pregnancy.
OH, and during my pregnancy with DS, I started taking yoga (at work) and started taking extra Omega 3 supplements to help control the depression. I still struggled, but it DID seem to help. I also saw a counselor who had an office at my OB's office a few times a month.
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