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People's projections about how you'll act after you have your baby
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oboingo76 posted:
I just have to vent to my fellow pregnant ladies for a bit. I haven't posted on the 3rd Trimester board yet, but I'm 29 weeks 2 days at this point and this is our first and most likely, only baby. We're expecting a girl - so excited! However, I am completely losing my patience with people!

My husband is a very neat person - he has a but of OCD. He is very meticulous and everything always has to be in it's place and there is no ongoing clutter outside our house. Our landscaping, yard and lawn are always trimmed and cut. Our porch, foundation, driveway and garage are very clean and neat. We can always park our cars in the garage in the winter and it's never full of junk because we WANT to be able to park there in the winter. (Not that my husband is the only one who keeps these things neat and clean - I do my part as well but he is primarily the one who does the outdoor chores so this is what our neighbors see). We're also pretty picky about the inside of the house when it comes to accumulating stuff we don't need. We go through our closets and basement on a regular basis to get rid of things we haven't used in 6 months. We go through our paperwork all the time (which is minimal) to make sure we get rid of anything we don't need.

People - especially neighbors - LOVE to tell us that as soon as we have our baby we're basically going to become pack rats and slobs. That we should kiss our neat yard and garage goodbye because it'll soon be filled with so many kids' toys we won't be able to park in our garage. Um - ok if YOU choose to be pack rats and slobs that's great for you. Don't TELL me how I'm going to be! Most of these people were pack rats before they even had kids. They can't park in their garages in the winter because they are full of junk, but most of the junk does not belong to their kids. Then they tell us they have boxes and boxes of clothes to hand off to us when the baby comes. They love to say "oh wait until you have closets full of shoes for her". Um again - if you choose to keep every pair of shoes your children grow out of when you no longer need them that's your perogative, but don't tell me that's how I'm going to be and don't think you can unload your junk on me because you don't know the meaning of the word "donate"!

Ugh. I'm so sick of people telling me how it is. That's just the tip of the iceberg. People tell us plenty of other things like we'll want to get rid of our cat, that we'll never go on vacation again, etc etc.

I want to scream at all of them that I know plenty of people with kids who love their pets, keep their houses clean, go on vacation, socialize, etc - it's just not THEM!!

Is anyone else having this issue? I mean I'm not saying nothing is going to change and that we'll have this perfectly clean and neat home and that we'll be super parents who have this amazing social life, but geez. Every family is different. Why do people assume everyone is going to be like them?

I'm thinking for the next 10-11 weeks with these hormones I might have to steer clear of people.
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leftcoastgirl responded:
hahaha! Aren't people helpful?!

First of all, congratulations on your LO!

I think we can all identify with getting unsolicited advice. I hope it bring you comfort to know that I'm an example of a parent who managed to keep a reasonably clean house after baby #1 arrived. True, I did have to relax my standards when she was a newborn - and I still have to from time to time because I'd rather have a sane mind than a perfectly clean house. But we're by no means pack rats. (Living in an apartment that's under 900 square feet doesn't really give us space to be!) I kept some clothes and some toys from DD, but most were donated. And it's clear to anyone who enters our home that a child lives here, but we aren't overrun with toys. In fact, DH and I just did a big clean-out of old toys and clothes over the weekend, and our place is looking tidier than ever!

Good luck with your "helpful" neighbors!!
Me (35), DH (35), DD (3), and our new addition coming January 9, 2012!
 
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oboingo76 replied to leftcoastgirl's response:
Thanks leftcoastgirl. I think the part that bothers me the most is the way these people say these things to us. The neighbors were just one example but it almost seems like people HOPE we'll become pack rats, not like our cat (I don't know what it is with people and our cat either, many people have cats and babies but so many people are stuck on whether we're worried about the cat suffocating the baby or the cat's fur being near the baby, as if I don't know to keep watch over the cat around our newborn), not go on vacations, that I'll start hating my job and i'll hate being a working mom, etc. They all say it almost as if it's a threat "just you wait....".

I certainly don't think our home will be clutter free - I hope I didn't' come off that way! I was just so deep into my rant and my example that I didn't think to make that clear.

LOL. But yes the unsolicited advice on top of all that is just over the top. I almost wanted to ask my mother in law to put on my shower invitations NOT to bring unsolicited advice! Hahaha!!
 
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kell0613 replied to oboingo76's response:
Well, my DD is 11.5 weeks old now, but I still lurk around here because I just love reading the birth stories

Anyway, I got a LOT of the same "advice" you're getting: As soon as the LO arrives, You won't have time to check your email/cook anything other than frozen food/clean your house/have a house that isn't infested with kid clutter.....

Well, I just want to say, now that I'm nearly 3 months in and already back at work full time, that I DO have plenty of time to spend time with my DD and juggle email, cooking, and cleaning. Contrary to popular prediction, the house is NOT overrun with baby stuff (of course, we have a highchair in the kitchen, a swing in the living room, etc) But everything else is tidy and organized in the nursery, and will remain that way. I have several hand-me-downs from neices (think, clothing up to size 3T) but it is organized and boxed up. And I still park the car in the garage.
I find it best to just smile at the predictions of these people and say "I guess we will just see how things go." Good luck!
Me(26), DH(32), Baby 1- It's a Girl! EDD 9/12/11
 
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kshirley15 replied to oboingo76's response:
I get questions/comments about my dogs all the time! I always get asked what i'm going to do with them? I want to say can a person not have a baby and dogs?? or they ask what if your dogs bite the baby? I mean really, do you think i'm just going to throw the baby on the floor for the dogs to play with? Anyone that knows me, knows my dogs are like my children. I am a very responsible pet owner and realize that now matter how gentle a dog is they should never be left alone with a baby or a toddler or even a young child for that matter! I just wish people would but out! Not your baby, not your dog/cat, not your problem!
 
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leftcoastgirl replied to oboingo76's response:
Forgot to mention that we also have two cats! They completely steered clear of DD when she was a baby - I think they found her to be too loud and unpredictable. Now that DD's a pre-schooler she adores them and they're very patient with her. It's sweet to see, and I'm happy she'll be growing up with pets in the house.
Me (35), DH (35), DD (3), and our new addition coming January 9, 2012!
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
The only thing that is guaranteed is that you'll lose sleep when she's a newborn but you probably already knew that.

We've taken trips with the kids. Mind you we don't fly anywhere anymore because we'd have to buy 4 seats but driving trips are definitely doable.
 
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Isylya responded:
Ugh! And guess what? No matter how many years you've been a mom, if you're pregnant the stupid people will have loads of advice to give you no matter what! I've been a mom for 13 years, I have a 12 year old and three step children that I raised from when they were little, I'm a grandmother of 3 now, for goshsakes! And pregnant, with a world of unsolicited advice!

It makes me feel like they think that getting pregnant is irresponsible and only they know how to raise kids so they are in on some secret that you are not. They're freakin kids! It's really not THAT hard!

One of my DH's friends (before he knew I had a 12 year old at home) has two children, around 5 and 7 and he tried to tell me that I was in for a hard time when my son gets older! He thought it was my only child because me DD was not with me. So, I fired right back telling him how old my DD was and then I started giving him all kinds of advice.... shut him right up!

Anyways, I feel for you!! Snap back at the idiots. I do. =D
 
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peanut_1991 responded:
I know what you mean. Stupid people say stupid things. Like i have a tool bag for my tools at work. I sat them down and thought i misplaced them. This lady i don't even know said, "you better stop losing things before that baby gets here." I was like who the hell are you? Some scissors and a pair of pliers are nothing compared to my child. I'm a pretty mellow person but I really wanted to slap her.
 
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oboingo76 replied to kshirley15's response:
Thanks you everyone for the comments. You all made me laugh and made my day!

kshirley - I think the same thing! What do you think I'm going to do, turn my baby into a toy for the cat that she can throw around and attack? Can you picture it?? "Here you go dogs! Have at it!!". LOLOL!


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