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single mother needs help! :(
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reyneromance93 posted:
my baby has a very disfunctional father. the father is in and out of jail, a drug addict and theif also abused me when i was pregnant with my son im 7 months pregnant as of now...but my first 3 months of pregnancy was a horror story...being with my baby's father...i left him at my third month pregnant..but im worried....will me being a single mam and my son not having his father in his life affect his future and how he acts or..affects him negatively? i love my son and dont want him to be without a father but i would rather him be without a father then have a deadbeat dad...
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mwhite80 responded:
The only thing you can do is have a strong male role model in his life, whether it is your father, brother or a good male friend who has no problem being around and doing "dad" stuff with him especially as he gets older. A friend of mine has 2 kids and their father is not in the picture but they have their uncle who is always around doing thing with both his kids and his sisters kids. It definetly helps having a male to be there and just do thing with so try and find that guy and your son will be fine. Good luck
Madeline(32)DH Nathan(31)-DS Paul(4), Angel baby mc @ 6weeks 8/2008, DD Isabella (15 months), New Baby Boy Mathew Charles EDD 8/25/2012
 
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Zaysmama responded:
Hey there,
I myself am a single mother to a three year old lil man and am expecting another in september.
With my oldest son's father, he was abusive the whole time i was pregnant and couldnt keep a job to save his soul so I finally left when DS was 3months old and I realized things wouldnt change. Since then I have had a few boyfriends but no one has effected his life like my step father. My step father takes his to the park to play basketball, soccer, football, baseball, tennis, and roller hockey. Izayah loves it and even when he can't remember what he had for lunch earlier that day, he knows what he got to do with Coty last time they were together. Some people tease em saying that I am turning him into a sissy or a mama's boy but my little man is tough, so laugh when he falls so your reaction doesn't scare him, but kiss his boo boos when he does get hurt. As long as you love your child and do what is best for them, there is no wrong way to raise them! Good Luck to you and your little man! & keep your head up high because you are right in believing that having no father is better than having an abusive father that has all the wrong priorities!
 
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sarahann1978 replied to Zaysmama's response:
Sorry to butt in here, but did you and DH split up Heathir?
 
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Zaysmama replied to sarahann1978's response:
yes ma'am sarahann... there were many reasons for it and i'm still not fully adjusted, but he moved about an hour away...
 
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sarahann1978 replied to Zaysmama's response:
Oh Heathir, I am so sorry! I hope that you are doing ok, and have plenty of emotional and physical support with the boys. Hugs to you mama!
 
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Zaysmama replied to sarahann1978's response:
Thanks hun, DS and I are doing well! My mom was happy to rearrange her house to have me and her grandson there. We havent actually finished rearranging the house but are hoping to have it complete by the end of the month so we can finally have a nursery!

reyneromance93 , sorry for taking over your discussion!
How are you holding up? do you have a good support team to help with your pregnancy and the LO?
 
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reyneromance93 replied to Zaysmama's response:
your fine lol and yea i have good support i have my mother here for me...and my family. so i have high hopes that he will be fine but you know its always good to have a second oppinion.
 
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reyneromance93 replied to Zaysmama's response:
omg.....my babys father is named cody! :O and yea thank you so much that built up my confidence alot ive been worried that he was gonna have problems but i knew for a fact my babys father isnt..responsible enough to be a father...but thank you so much only thing i am semi worried about is like custody battles and stuff my son doesnt diserve that but thank you! keep in touch on here and updated on you little one and yea ima feel very confident raising my child all by myself. :3
 
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Zaysmama replied to reyneromance93's response:
well im glad I could make you feel alil bit better!
As for the custody battle, most judges wont take the child from the mother unless there is a real issue & if he has a record for drugs or anything it will be even harder for him to get custody. If he fights, he may get supervised visits for a few hours a wk and that will be for like 6 months depending on how he does. After that time frame you will go back to court and try to work into more visits if he chooses. Sounds to me like he has alot of work to do to get his priorities in order so him fighting for visitation may not even be a concern for you!...

I was really worried about having a boy the first time because I was such a girly girl myself but raising him has become as natural as breathing! Trying to teach him sports and everything actually teaches me as well so we are growing together and I think it helps to see that you don't always have to be good at everything right away!... As long as your heart is in the right place and your actions follow you wont go wrong!

Keppy your thoughts positive because single moms are strong enough to do anything, Trust me!!! Im here is you need anything!

by the way, when are you due?
 
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reyneromance93 replied to mwhite80's response:
thank you hunny
 
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beckie_33 responded:
Lurking from 2nd tri.

I grew up with a single mom. My mom divorced my dad when I was 5 making her a single mom of 9 kids between the ages of 19 to 3. My dad was abusive towards my older brothers and my mom. My dad died 4 yrs later. He refused to pay child support and we only saw him once every couple of months. His choice not my moms or ours.

The best thing my mom did was leave an abusive relationship. My younger brother and I have had a better life because of my mom's decision to divorce my dad. Sure life was tough and I didn't always have the greatest male role model but my brother and I still turned out alright.

My older siblings have all had their own problems due to the abuse they received. But many have gotten past that and now have children of their own and are great parents.

My younger brother was affected the most by not having a father. He had many good role models from our church who stepped in and made sure he was at all the scout and church activities. But when it came time to be a dad to a little boy he was scared that he'd be a bad father although he already had two adorable little girls who adored their daddy. My mom just reminded him that just because he didn't have a father that he still had many people he could look up to, to show him how to be a good dad including some of his own brothers. My younger brother now has 2 boys and he's a great dad to them.

So I wouldn't be too worried about your little guy not having a father in his life as long as he knows he's loved and has other male role models to look up to. That has made all the difference for my brothers who are now wonderful fathers although my own father wasn't the best person in the world.
 
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reyneromance93 replied to beckie_33's response:
thank you and im sorry all of that had to happen to you D:
 
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beckie_33 replied to reyneromance93's response:
Don't be sorry. I had a better life because of the decision my mom made. I didn't have the negative influence of my dad like my older siblings so I didn't have many of the problems they have. I believe that no father is better than having to live with a father who is abusive in any way.
 
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Zaysmama replied to beckie_33's response:
AMEN!!!...
that was my thought process when I left DS1's father!


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