Hi, I am due to have my first baby anytime now, and I was wondering what everyone thought about deciding who should be in the delivery room. I personally only want my husband in there, but our parents are acting offended at even the thought of not being in the room. It has nothing to do with them; for 1: I feel more comfortable it just being my husband and I. 2: I want some time to get cleaned up, and for just us to hold the baby for a couple minutes before everyone else comes. They are acting like it is selfish to wat only the two of us in the room. But they can come in shortly after. Thoughts anyone?
With my first, we had a full-on party in the delivery room! My parents, DH's parents, his sister, my BFF...it was ridiculous. We didn't want to have anyone there for our 2nd, but my little sis was PG with her 1st and as she put it, "needed to see a live birth before her own."...OK. So my parents and sister were there. With our 3rd we made it very clear that we weren't inviting ANYONE to the delivery - and that was my very favorite delivery.
It's going to vary from person to person, but if you already feel more comfortable with it just being your husband and you, go with your gut! After all, was anyone else there when baby was conceived? Why should people expect to be invited to see the birth?
You should only have who YOU want in the room. My mother-in-law in the begining of my pregnancy (this is our first) mentioned being in the room. I have let her know that I only want my husband in the room and it seems now she is okay with that as long as she gets to see him afterwards, which of course she can. I told my mom that as well and she was okay with it, she said she would like to be there but understands that I just want it to be my husband and I. For me I want a few minutes where just my husband and I can meet him and kiss him before everyone else comes in. Don't let anyone bully you into letting them in the room, this is a very special moment for you and you should have it the way you want it.
lurking from 2nd tri, but with my 1st, My MIL parked herself in a chair in our room and refused to leave. Things were going fine until my 2nd day of labor and I was feeling uncomfortable despite an epidural. I asked my husband to ask her to wait in the waiting room and he refused, so when one of the nurses came in to check on me, I talked to them, and they said that visiting hours were over (it was late anyway) and that she needed to wait in the waiting room or go home. She stomped out of the room and refused to come see the baby till after we were home. Later she told us that she wanted to be there for the birth, but we told her that it was something that we wanted to experience together, not with others around (aside from drs and nurses). Eventually she got over it and life moved on. We ended up with an emergency c-section anyway because the baby started showing signs of distress, so I was glad to not have her in there during all of the madness. She probably would have insisted on being in the OR as well had she been there.This time around, her dr has taken away her driver's license because of heart problems and we are delivering at a hospital that is 1 hour away from their house, and I know she won't be there till after the baby is born. WebRepcurrentVotenoRatingnoWeight
If you only want your husband to be there, then only have your husband. I had c-sections both times and my DH and mom where in the room. DH was by my head and my mom was taking pictures. My hospital only allowed two people in the room so that worked perfect.
lurking...Choose who you want. For me, I said whoever wants to be in the room during the labor process is fine. But when getting checked and during push time everyone but my mom and DH (and possibly MIL) had to to get out. That worked out well but in the end I didn't care who was in the room with the exception of being checked. I had complications and after a 36 hour labor I had an emergency c-section where I was put completely under and no one was allowed to come with me. (was supposed to be a spinal but turned into general anesthesia instead due to some issues so not even my husband got to be there for the delivery). This time around when we are ready for baby number two we will be scheduled for a c-section and it will be me and DH. They only allow one person in the operating room.
Heather(24),DH Lee(25). PCOS w Hemmoragic cysts. BFP:1/23/11 M/C 2/10/11. BFP 08/13/11 EDD 04/17/12-Carson Lee
I had this problem with my first pregnancy. I only wanted my SO in the delivery room which made both of our mothers pretty upset. We told them in advance so there wouldn't be any drama at the hospital. I basically let them stay in the room with me while I was laboring until it was time to push. Then we asked them to leave. My first son ended up in the NICU immediately after delivery so they only got to see him from the glass in the nurse's station. But with my second son we let both of our mothers in to see him about a half hour or so after he was born. It turned out really nice. We got to share that moment and special experience of his birth with just each other and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
It's totally up to you and your husband who you have in the delivery room. Don't let anyone change your mind. It is such a beautiful special moment that creates such a wonderful bond. Just make sure you let your moms know in advance what you decide! Good luck!
I would go with your gut and what makes you feel the most comfortable. It's your body being exposed so I believe it should be your decision. You are going to be going through a lot of physical checks and will already be uncomfortable.
Also, I would check with your hospital ahead of time. My hospital had a small labor & delivery room and they had a restriction on how many people could be in there at a time. It was a limit of 3 people at any one time. So DH was in there and my mom, sister, and dad took turns coming and going. I asked everyone but my mom and DH to leave when I was being checked. DD ended up being an emergency c-section after 12 hours of labor and only one person was allowed in the OR with me. DH was with me that entire time.
Best of luck!
Taryn(24), DH(32), DD (2) Expecting again! Blue team. EDD 12/7.
I am a strong believer that child birth is an experience for you and your husband. I know everyone is excited but they can see the baby afterwards. DO NOT feel bad about speaking your mind about this. You will regret it if you give in. And as far as being selfish...there is nothing wrong with being selfish in this case. However, they are the one's who appear to be selfish. I have had 2 deliveries (3 kids) and it never even crossed my mind to have anyone there but my husband...it's not a party
The bottom line is do whatever makes you comfortable. Some people would let an entire army in there while giving birth. Others see it as and experience to be shared by the mother and father to be only. Either way I feel the choice is yours.
Becky (35) DH (32) DS (12) DSD (6) - after 3 1/2 years and 3 attempts of IVF we are finally expecting twin girls - due 8/24/12!
Wow I can't believe your parents and inlaws think this is actually up for discussion. They sound incredibly selfish and childish. Did they have lots of people present when it was their turn? Probably not. I'm from the UK and here you have your husband present and that's pretty much it (unless you choose another birthing partner). Don't be pressurised into being in an uncomfortable situation at a time when you will be emotionally and physically vulnerable.
It really is your choice. I would even go so far as to say that your husband doesnt really even get a say.
With my first, I didn't want anyone in their except for DH. Both MIL and my mom (and my sister) were all upset and hurt. I told them point blank, "Sorry, but if you weren't there for the conception, you wont be there for the delivery."
My MIL and I didn't even have a close relationship at the time (still dont after 5 years of marriage) so where she even got it in her head that I would let her in the room was beyond me.
I told Chris (DH) that I didn't want to call anyone until AFTER the baby was born. Some how his mother got word that we were at the hospital (gee, wonder how that happened) and she dropped everything and came running, WITH MY STEP-SON in tow. Much to her displeasure, she spent the next 5 hours in the waiting room.....
Anyway, THIS TIME. I still plan on no one else in the waiting room AND I don't want any visitors at the hospital. I've actually asked to be discharged as soon as possible pending me and baby are okay. If I'm going to have to entertain guests, I will do it in the comfort of my own home.
Chris actually suggested that I might let my mom or sister in the room this time, just so he could have someone to "help out" from time to time. Which I understand, I'm leaning towards my sister though. I don't think I could take either my mom OR his mom in the room.
But anyway, choose whoever YOU want. You are the one that will have your lady bits all out on display, you will be the one all uncomfortable, so it really should be up to you. To hell with what the parents think. Its not about them - at ALL.
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