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Prostate Cancer - No Sexual Function- She has High Sex Drive- What to do? Young couple
patsuz posted:
My husband and I have been married over 17 years. We are the best of friends. Our children are our world. Several years ago he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. The doctors felt b/c he was so young (early 40's) his sexual function would come back.... but it never did.

So here we are.....

Some women might be fine with it, and some men might feel if you love him than just deal with it and be thankful you still have him. I agree with all of that, but the problem is I have a VERY high sex drive and I'm 40. I love my husband so much but I'm having a hard time staying faithful. I did stray and I confessed b/c of the guilt.

I wanted him to say that I could go out of the marriage now and then to fill the need I have. its just sex....Its him I love...but he loves me very much and doesn't want to share me.

We have tried toys, strap ons etc.... but nothing is replacing what I am missing.

We are going to seek counseling but I wanted to see if there were other couples having the same issues and what did you do about it?
Basir U Tareen, MD responded:
Your husband should see a urologist who specializes in ED. As I tell patients we can always get patients to have erections. After Viagra and oral pills fail you can do injections or even a prosthesis (penile inflatable pump). I would recommend seeing a urologist and discussing these options.

best of luck,
Dr Tareen
Soulmate2012 responded:
I, too, have a high sex drive as well as my estranged lover. He had a prostatectomy last october and since then we have been working on keeping our sex life alive, or we were until yesterday. The only thing that really worked were the injections and they proved to be so painful after that it did not make sex worthwhile even though the desire was there.

So one day he said how much he wanted me and literally the next day decided he couldn't be my lover anymore. I know he has felt as if he was less than a man for quite a while, he even offered to let me sleep with other men and still take care of me. But what he didn't and doesn't understand is my sex drive was with him, not others. i would have rather have had him without sex than not have him. I've assured him of that since before the operation. Still, his answer was to let me go.

Guys, what's up with that???
Is there anything i can do to let him know it's him that matters most not just the sex? We had been together for almost 10 years and then poof.
BosunRoy replied to Soulmate2012's response:
I am 73. I had a radical prostatectomy seventeen years ago. Sex was always very important to me, but I figured that if I were alive, I could at least complain. The pills really don't do anything if the nerves a severed. The injection was so painful that any interest I had was gone before I got the needle out. I tried VEDs, but all that happened with them is my scrotum got caught in the vacuum slamming a testicle into the end of the tube. Now that one did hurt. I became very depressed, particularly when my wife of 27 years announced that she had no plans to spend her old age taking care of me. I am inundated with sexual imagery. Sexual thoughts are with me constantly. I so wish there was some circuit breaker I could pull and just turn off my sexual thoughts, but they will likely continue until death. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have just let the cancer kill me. In a fit of frustration, a few months ago I made an appointment with a prostitute. I told her all I wanted was for us to get undressed, get into bed and she was to let me hold her as she held me. Wish I could say it helped. I have lost much of my self confidence. I have to sit to pee now, as my penis which has been flaccid for 17 years has almost disappeared. So I'm alive. So what?
An_250583 replied to Soulmate2012's response:
I hear a lot of poor me, from all of you. Guys what happened to pleasing your partner. More foreplay can can do more for a woman than a 3 or 4 minute quicky. You have a tongue don't you, you have fingers, use your imagination. Get off on her getting off. I'm a survivor and when I stopped thinking about me, things happened .
Anon_101423 replied to Soulmate2012's response:
Hey SM,
I too am in a similar position. I'm a guy in a happy marriage of 35 yrs. The sanctity, and vows of our marriage has always been very important to us. There will be good times and bad, but we work through them together. The most important ingredient in a good marriage, next to LOVE, is TRUST. My wife trusts me explicitly, and vise-versa. There is never any doubt, ever. If we are having a problem with sex, we work through it together. "Sex without love is meaningless, and love without trust is impossible!" It's what I believe anyway. A woman gives sex to get affection, while a man gives affection to get sex! Think about it. It's how we are wired, differently as a gender. BTW, any man that offers to let his wife sleep with other men, either just doesn't care about you and is totally uninterested, or (and this is my guess), has something on the side himself, and wants to ease the feeling of his own guilt for cheating. Hire a detective and get to the bottom of things. Stop worrying honey, everything will work out, one way or another, but you shouldn't need to suffer over it. Good luck and let me know how things work out?
Jimmydz56 responded:
I am a prostate cancer who was diagnosed 9 years ago at age 50. Because of my age My doctor recommended surgery which I had done. After experiencing many of the same issues as you I finally opted for a penile prosthesis. I would highly recommend this as a solution to your situation. My marriage is revitalized and our sex life is better than ever.
Soulmate2012 replied to BosunRoy's response:
BosunRoy. My heart goes out to you. I suspect, even though the surgery was only last October, that my lover feels much the same as you. I have assured him over the months that he is so much more to me than sex but he cannot believe that. Today marks 5 weeks since he has disappeared.

When I find him, what would ease the inner turmoil he is going through? I want to take his pain away. We have always been there for each other, even through the surgery. What can I do?
Soulmate2012 replied to An_250583's response:
An_250583 I am a woman, but damn!, that's a harsh perspective. Actually, focusing on my lover's body from head to toe is what really turns me on.

These guys aren't saying 'poor me', they are dealing with lots of emotional and identity stuff. Seriously, I don't even know why you checked in with this website.
Soulmate2012 replied to Anon_101423's response:
Anon_101423 Thanks for your words of encouragement. Five weeks ago I would have described my relationship as you have. But he has disappeared. I have texted, called, even went by his house but it was pitch black.

I wish we had a serious fight or something, anything to explain his absence, but our last night together was beautiful. It makes no sense.

I swear, as each day goes by I am losing more of my mind. He is still dealing with issues from being in Kuwait and has not been able to find a job since he came back a year ago.

I guess I will just have to believe in the last two lines of your response. Thank you.
kikan replied to BosunRoy's response:
really it is sad....but don't be let down...theway out is yoga,...hobbies like gardening...keeping u r self worked for wife just wasn't interested in sex...although we love eachother very much......that was the way out
justgeno replied to Basir U Tareen, MD's response:
Hello Dr. Tareen,I am the fellow who is pissed at my surgeon for not discussing the after effects on my sex life after prostate removal. Im 70 years old in numbers but not in spirit etc.Sex has been and always will be a big part of my life even if I can not perform it.In your above statement you mentioned Viagra,prosthesis,injections etc.I have tried all these and they did nothing for me.I'm not sure what you are talking about prosthesis's but I have talked with my doctor about all and even talked of having the implants{one of them) I understand there are several different ones.But I'm not sure about this if it would work.??have you any suggestions for me.I'm losing my mind over this,its very depressing thinking your sex life is over.Even if I'm 70 in years,but not in my mind. JUSTGENO
justgeno replied to BosunRoy's response:
Hello BosunRoy, You sound like me to the "T" you and I pretty well are twins on this matter,including feelings and etc.,I just up and decided today to get back on here and do something,I'm so depressed its not funny.Life was not meant to be lived without sex.What do we have to look forward to,my wife I'm sure if she isn't already going outside the marriage she will soon do so,and you almost can't blame her.My wife is 20 years younger than me.When I was her age I was the biggest male whore in Houston,thats one of the bad things now I still get hit on at my age,if only they knew.JUSTGENO
justgeno replied to An_250583's response:
250583 YOU SOUND LIKE LOTS OF OTHERS I KNOW,but it doesn't work the same with everyone.I build viberaters(sex type) for a hobby,and have a closet full of them,and you would be hard up to find someone as open minded as me about sex,you have heard about people that lose a limb so they learn to use something else to replace are make up for its absence.Thats what I told the ladies for a long time,that I've learned to use my tongue even better than before,and I was great before that.But that only works for awhile.
The thing to me is I just don't feel like a complete man anymore.And that keeps me from foreplay at this time.Before this I was a big foreplay person,but now its just not in me.??
STEVEOLDBOY responded:
Your Husband should be thankful that his wife has a very high sex drive and he should do all he can to satisfy her need.My wife is just the opposite a very low sex drive.

I had prostate cancer several years ago and I decided to have the surgery. Now I still think about sex but I don't get a erection like other guys. When we do have sex and not very often I have to inject my penis with medication to get a erection. Saying that..the pleasure and feeling is gone.

If you really love your husband stay faithful...and try to seek counseling.

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