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    You are special - can you feel it?
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    It has occurred to me that I wish all of the people who read my blogs could feel their value. You might wonder how I know you have such value when I've probably never met or interacted with you. Well, let me explain…

    My thoughts about this are based in the very common experience that we all have when we see a baby. A part of us softens; if not melts. Babies don't talk or perform; and even worse, they cry, need to be fed, and require their diapers to be changed. Yet, even without earning it, we intuitively recognize infants as precious. There is something about their very being. And this quality is one that continues to be with us throughout our lives.

    Can you feel this? What are your struggles around it? Have there been people or circumstances that have helped to feel your value and worthiness of being loved?

    (Finally, my wish for you this holiday season is that valuing yourself as special will be a natural part of your daily life.)

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.
    DmndLife1984 responded:
    I was born with the cord wrapped round my neck, a sign of problems to come I guess, including a suicide attempt 20 years later (8 years ago, though not with strangulation).

    Actions speak louder than words, which is why I'll narrow down my mother, and throw in various family dogs/pets, that have helped me with what this thread talks about. With a lot of others, they sound like they're quoting from after school specials to try and convince me of that, and so any of their sincere efforts are completely lost on me. I've heard the cliches before, and unfortunately I'm smart enough to have my intelligence insulted real easily.

    My struggles then involve how if all many people have are a bunch of canned one-size-fits-all lines, why would I believe they're telling me the truth? Because I knew how much a young relative of mine loved something in particular, I had it gift-boxed and sent out to him. He received it out of the blue, and I got an email almost instantly (maybe his mother told him to, but maybe not).

    A gesture like this doesn't have to be material, but it's something that let's someone know not only that they're thinking of you, but that they've taken an interest in who you are and what you like. A woman I mentioned in another thread, whom I lost a few years ago, made gestures like that, which is why I felt so determined to try and find her again, and so down when it became a lost cause and I couldn't. She's one of the last I can think of in these past few years who reached out that way, where I found myself feeling more of what this thread talks about, and that was so much more difficult then than it would be now.
    rohvannyn responded:
    I've always had a belief that everyone has something good about them, even if it is a very tiny thing. It's because I have also found so far that no person can be entirely evil. Therefore every human being has at least one good quality, and most people have many good qualities instead of just one or two.

    Sometimes those good qualities benefit by a little encouragement however. I work in a call center, dispensing prescriptions and tracking orders and explaining insurance coverage. I've had very angry, hostile people on the phone with me and somes there is no pleasing them. Sometimes it's not even anything I or the company did, they are angry for other reasons. On the occasions where I can manage to convey the idea that I am on their side, I can connect with their kindness and humanity, we can work together and come to a good resolution. Basically, we recognize the humanity, the essential good in each other, and sometimes part as friends.

    I'm reminded of my spouse's art efforts. She has a lot of issues with self confidence in her painting and drawing, and tends to look at the bad before the good. I don't want to be pollyanna about it or gloss over the defects, but I try all the time to highlight the good while at the same time gently sharing what she can change to make it better. I do that because even the attempt is special to me, and nobody can become great without trying in the first place, and keeping at it. I don't encourage her because I think she'll be the next michael whelan, I encourage her because art itself is special. So it is with people.

    In my opinion, whether you are talented or attractive or intelligent or not, there is still a spark of good in you, a potential for something beautiful. I think doing good, like making things, doing art, singing (even badly), being kind to others, helping animals, cooking, what have you, helps self esteem. II understand it's important to remember I am precious as a human being, but making or doing something helps me remember that I am precious.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

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