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In need of some guidance
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An_249454 posted:
I need some help...because I am not sure how to go about this. Here is the story. I have a guy friend, we have been friends for three years. We even dated for a short period of time, but I broke it off because he is in the army. However, we have still managed to be friends. On his leave a about a year ago he came to visit me, and stayed with me for 3 days. Then, he went back to where he was stationed, and we still remained friends talking every once in a while. Here recently, we started chatting it up again, and now I am going to where he is stationed. I am starting to wonder if a relationship with one another is meant to be, or if we are just lonely and know that we have each other. I am not sure how to approach it because we do live very, very far apart from one another; however, I care about him, and I believe he cares about me...because why would he ask me to come and stay. I just need some guidance on what I need to do, should I continue to just let everything fall into place, or is there something I should say. Ohh, and we both have dated other people in the process of all this. If that helps any, we haven't been waiting around for one another to make a move or decision.

Thanks in advance for your help.
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DmndLife1984 responded:
Any of my posts here will tell you I have limited experience, to say the least. Still, when I'd had a long distance lady friend who was lonely, at some point I'd realized I felt badly for how lonely she seemed to be. When I called her, it was only because I knew she'd pick up the phone. Feeling badly for someone (not the case for you though, as far as I can tell) in addition to just knowing that person's out there, as lonely as you, are the wrong reasons to pursue a relationship. That's akin to settling for something.

Still, you mentioned how things do seem to be falling into place with the two of you, and in that case I'd leave those things to keep falling into place. Don't beat against the current, and focus on enjoying what the two of you are doing together now. The future's a real mood-killer, which the lady friend I mentioned helped prove to me.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
There are no right or wrong ways to act in this situation. It makes sense to just let things unfold as you have been doing. However, if it is too stressful or you think you need some clarity sooner, you might want to talk with him about your relationship.


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