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How Do I Know It's Not Over?
sylviacute1 posted:
we been going out for a year and a month and he broke it off with me cuz i got really jealous and looked thru his messages... it's been almost a month since we broke up.... but we still talk and he's the one whose always texting to to hangout. he knows how much i miss him and want him back and love him. he says he forgives me but its hard for him to forget what i did.. when were with eachother were always laughing and smiling. and he would put his arms around me and hug and cuddle with me. we would talk about the good times when we were together and start laughing and smiling. our relationship we barely fight and we are happy being with eachother. but he never mentioned to give my things back that are at his house and everything.. i am really sorry i didnt mean to look thru his stuff im not like that.. We broke up once when it was 6 months but it's was over something stupid and we got back after two weeks. we are not break up make-up couple. he makes me really really happy. i always get butterflies when i see him. and seeing him makes me day. with this whole break i cried so much and i just wasn't myself. when he talks to it's just like a normal conversation just like how we talk when we were going out. and hanging out with him, to be honest it's not awkward at all. we are so comfortable around eachother. we can be ourselves around eachother, but it just sucks because i want him back. i told him New Years are coming up and that i hope we can move on from all this and start new and fresh with eachother. because it's not like i cheated on him you know? we both stayed faithful and loyal to eachother. idk what to do... i just want him back...
dfromspencer responded:
Tell him, "Look, i know what i did was wrong, but how long are you going to make me pay for it"? Then ask him, "If you cannot see us back together any time soon, can i move on"? After that, tell him how much you love him, desire him, want to be with only him. Then walk away, and let him come to you. If he doesn't, you will have to let him go, and move on. Find a man who is not so petty, he can't forget something that trivial. Geesh, tell him to get over it, already!!!

Good luck! Keep us informed on the outcome.

fcl replied to dfromspencer's response:
Actually Dennis, for some of us that kind of snooping IS a big deal. It's a betrayal of trust and it's treating us as if we were untrustworthy. It would take me a very long time indeed to process that kind of behaviour. I have nothing to hide and will willingly allow anyone to access my email/phone/etc but cannot tolerate snooping - I find it very low behaviour indeed and would not want it in a partner.

OP, do not underestimate the damage you have done to his opinion of you. Ask him what it will take for him to forgive you and if he can't or if his request seems unreasonable to you then move on ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Given how it seems like the two of you seem to care so much for each other and keep coming back to each other, it seems that you might find a way to repair your relationship by talking this through. As FCL suggested, you might want to ask what you can do (within reason) so he can move forward.

But I'm also curious about what made you so jealous and prompted you to snoop. Is there something he has done or does that is a problem for you? If so, that needs to be addressed. If it's more something inside of you, then you need to look closely at that and work it through; or you'll be at risk to just repeat your jealousy and snooping.
green_archer_24 responded:
i'm a bit curious on why you needed to check out his phone.. do you have a particular reason why you got jealous? coz you might have a valid reason to snoop..

since you mentioned that you still act sweet around each other, minus the commitment part, have you two seriously talked about your relationship? both of you needed to discuss on which direction your relationship is actually heading.. is it going to be game-over or is he just giving himself some time to completely regain the trust that was lost after learning what you did..

i know your situation's hard but try putting yourself in his shoes and think about what you would feel if he's the one that did the snooping..

- J

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