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Trying to get through my situation
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jettiec posted:
I need help, I don't know really where to turn so I figured a discussion board is the way to go. Just recently, I learned that my husband opened an account with another woman. The only reason I found out about it is because we are buying a home and her name came up on his personal finances. He has an allotment going from his paycheck to this account. When I asked who she was and why she came up on the account, he acted like he didn't know. Then he finally admitted he opened a shared savings account with her just to save money and this woman is only a friend. I asked who is she, how often they talk, he said she's just a friend and they talk once every 3 months or so. Something told me to check his cell phone call log, under my name and I found out they have been talking DAILY, several times a day since March 2012. During the day while I'm at work but never in the evening or on the weekends. When I confronted him, he admitted it and still stood by that they are just friends and he doesn't know why he lied. I asked him to call her and he did, but she did not answer. She called me the following day after she talked to him and she also assured me they were only friends and she is married as well. I have no choice to believe them but something in my gut is telling me its lies. Well, a few days later, I'm using my husbands laptop and I go to retreive something from the recycle bin that I needed and I found an explicit video of my husband, alone, that I've never seen or knew he even made. The title on the video was I love you and based on the date, it was made while I was at a hair appointment. I confronted him about it he said he doesn't know why he made it and he made me get off his laptop. He seemed angry with me!! I left the house and an hour later I return for him to tell me he made the video for me but deleted it. I'm losing it...he's accusing me of relating everything I find to this initial situation which he lied about. And maybe I am. How do I move on? I really need help. I am dealing with some serious trust issues and I truly, in my heart, believe there is something more to this relationship than THEY are letting on. Oh and did I mention we are newyly married (1 year in) and I am 14 weeks pregnant...I really need help moving past this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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lettemommyof2 responded:
He is cheating, Get out now before it gets worse.....
 
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Lefty2121 responded:
I would make sure the other spouse knows of this as well it is not fair for all parties involved! I would even go as far as to call the show cheaters or a private Pi just for my curiosity.
 
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jettiec replied to Lefty2121's response:
I forgot to mention that she was in different state on the west coast and we are on the east coast. So there couldn't have been any physical cheating, but I believe there is cyber or emotional cheating. And that's all one in the same to me. So unfortunatley a PI or Cheaters would not work for me.
 
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fcl responded:
Oh my goodness ... He opened a savings account with another woman? Does he understand what marriage is about? He is NOT free to do as he pleases. He is MARRIED, for goodness sake! How DARE he treat his wife like this!

OK. First off, you need to talk to a lawyer. You need to know where you and the baby are heading. That is all that matters for the time being. Forget about moving on because it is a LONG process. Deal with the present and the rest will fall into place.

I also suggest that you visit a woman's shelter - they are excellent for giving appropriate advice.

Please keep us posted - you never know when someone can help you out.

(((((HUGS)))))
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Lefty2121 responded:
What the hell is wrong with him!! He needs to start saving for his current family!! This is too much to handle in your current state you do not need this added stress and pressure!
 
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dfromspencer replied to jettiec's response:
Cheating is cheating, no matter how you look at it!!! If i were you, I would take FCL's advice!!! Leave now, there is no use staying in a situation like that! You have lost your trust for this man, do you ever think you will get it back? Doubtful! Even if he stopped, and promised to never do it again, could you trust him?

He has ruined a good thing! Opening a savings account with a woman accross the states spells doom for your relationship. The only reason i can think they would do something like that, is to hook up when the money is right? Sounds reasonable, does it not?

Go to the women's shelter, they will know what to do.

Good luck to you, and your baby!!!
Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
If, with everything you are thinking and feeling, and with all the feedback from here and elsewhere (have you talked with friends?), you are still not sure how to proceed, I strongly suggest you find someone to actively help you through this -- a therapist, or clergy, or a trusted and respected friend.
 
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iceechic responded:
I am very sorry you and your unborn child are dealing with the stress of this cheater. Its the worst thing to run across your significant other cheating and then him not coming clean when faces with the fact he has been caught. You found out, and you know deep down that this is more than them being friends, quit doubting your self. You are right about this. Please dont continue to put your self and your baby through this. Leave now. Get help. It will not be easy, but you need to thinking of what is best for you and your child. He has made his bed, let him lie in it. I really feel for you.

(((hugs)))


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