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    Includes Expert Content
    deakea posted:
    i really need your help i have a nasty temper but i am also full of love, when am upset i dont slap my girlfriend nor use abusive language but i just keep silent for a couple of hours or days if its that bad. what should i do overcome this temper?

    please advise
    fcl responded:
    I'm not a specialist but it seems to me that you need to find ways of expressing, of channeling your anger rather than bottling it up.

    Here's an interesting link about anger management that explains ways of dealing with it:

    I hope you find something to help you!
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    The first step is that you recognize you have a problem, which is not always so easy to do. So, give yourself some kudos for that.

    People often think that they should express their anger to get it out, but this generally backfires. Anger begets anger. However, exerting yourself physically can help get out the angry energy, so exercising (e.g. going for a run) can often help.

    Essential to overcoming a problem with anger is getting at the core of what makes the person angry. Often there are other feelings and thoughts mixed in with it (e.g. resentment, hurt, sadness) -- it's important to acknowledge these. Then the person can work on the problem. For instance, if anger is generally triggered by feeling disrespected, then it can help to talk in a calm and honest way about this feeling with the person who you feel is disrespecting you.

    So, to begin, it's important to be clear about what's triggering the anger and about what other thoughts and feelings are mixed with it.

    You might want to work on this by sharing more here or with someone you trust. You might also find therapy helpful in working on this issue.
    dfromspencer responded:

    I hope you find FCL's suggestion helpful? If you need further help, may i suggest a counsellor? Talking things through with one, could be extremely beneficial to you? Keeping things bottled up, is not a healthy way to deal with your S.O.! Why don't you try talking to her about this? She has an interest invested in you, right?

    Communication is the key to a happy relationship!!!

    Best wishes!!!

    deakea replied to fcl's response:
    hey thanks for the ad....... really appreciate it..
    deakea replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    hey thanks a million times, i'll definitely do that talk about my origin of anger so that i find the cause.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to deakea's response:
    Feel free to come back here with more thoughts or questions as you work through this issue.

    Good luck.
    An_250093 responded:
    I just started to have a relationship after over 12 yrs being single! I never thought I would be back in, point is I have a temper since I remember, now days when we get to the point we start to have a discussion and I know next thing is our temper, I think of my past experience, and think about how much I love this person across the room that I am about to get upset with, I turn all voices and sounds off just think love,just thought of that put a smile on my self and when she asks me why am I smiling and I tell because I love her, it automatically makes her smile too.
    Try it, it may not believe, but it works if you are really in LOVE with her I assure you, you would see good results and happiness. May the love be you both! (O: :O)
    wannabamom77 responded:
    completely understand where u are coming from my boyfriend says i have one to and that i have to work on it but the only thing that helps me is gonja im so different when i dont smoke other than tht have sex or take up good luck..

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